Now that it is closer to the end of 2014, I've come to realise that things have changed quite tremendously. Both good and bad.

Highlights of '14 life in a nutshell:
- Travelled interstate for the first time with friends
- Learnt a meaningful resolution: Fail > Try Again > Fail > Try Again > Fail > Try Again > Success (Keep trying, because a successful person will never stop at a failure)
- Met some really good people: new friendships formed and old friendships rekindled and even more strongly bonded than before

I've concentrated on uni more (more like last semester) and did my very best, ending with positive and worthwhile results. I can definitely see the contrast between how I took on study. I've probably never cried so much but nevertheless, I've never felt so happy with the progress and results that 2014 has given me. I’m blessed to have everything I've gained and I hope that all the things and people that have stepped into my life STAY in my life. I hope that friendships that have been lost will gradually re-form and that more happiness comes around the corner when 2015 begins. Bring on 2015! :)

One Day.

When I finally have enough courage, I’m going to give a call to everyone who I've lost a connection with on my contact list.
I miss a lot of people who I used to talk to actually, I just never had the chance to tell them.

Have you ever meet someone for the first time and think they look just alright/decent?

Like they don’t look ugly but they’re not particularly attractive either. They’re only average. But then you start talking and getting to know them more and all of the sudden your whole perspective of them change. You notice the little things that make them amazing - the way they smile, the way they laugh, the way they talk about their passions. The way they carry themselves and treat others. Suddenly they’re not just average anymore, but rather endearing. I think that’s why personality is so important. You could be the most attractive person on earth, but without a good personality you’re just a pretty face with no substance. And who wants to talk to someone with no depth? 

Sometimes I just stare when I come on here. I have no inspiration. I have no emotions. I have no urge to write anymore. I honestly have no idea why I have stopped writing (regularly).

I tend to realise I write when I am sad, or when my emotions have collided to take me over. But recently, I have been pretty content and I am glad that I am actually okay with it. It feels good, although I am really eager to start writing (regularly) again.

Lol, life has been going pretty well. I am hoping it’d be like this for awhile, haha.

I’m such a safe and cautious person, especially when it comes to relationships. It's not that I don’t believe in love, but it’s definitely scary— the idea of becoming attached to someone and vulnerability in itself. None of my past relationships (well technically, only 2) have ended well and since then I've always associated “relationships” with a negative connotation. With everything being said, I still surprise myself from time to time. In this moment I feel like I’m taking a leap of faith despite my reluctant nature with investing in something I’m not even confident about. I have no expectations whatsoever and can only hope for the best. Even if things don’t work out, at least I can say I tried, right? I think that’s good enough for me.

I like it when guys try to figure me out.

I’m the type where I won’t tell you much about me unless, you ask. I have a tendency of being mysterious. I get a lot of curious questions, but I don’t answer quickly enough. It's cute when guys wonder. Personally, I think it’s attractive that they are putting effort to get to know me. Remember it’s the willingness that counts :)

I don't know whether I should accept someone now....

Because... next year my study load will be full on.... nor do I know whether I'm capable to handle both academic and love on my plate next year... such hard decision >.<

Moreover, my study has always been my first priority. But when someone I care about the most pops in the question, my mind becomes a pool of fuddly puddle.

There’s something about him that I can’t quite figure out, but that something is the something that’s making me stay. The uncertainty of us acts like a motivator. It pushes me to be with him. It makes me want to be with him. I don’t even know if we’d be good together, but the amazing thing about that is I want to find out. I want to know how it would feel to be a part of his world.

If I like you,

I like you. And only you. No, I will not get bored of you. No, I will not lie to you. No, I will not lose feelings for you. No, I will not hurt you like someone from the past did. No, I won’t leave you for someone else. I understand these things happened before, but that doesn't mean it’ll happen with me. If you spend most of our relationship being scared, it’ll end because you pushed me too far away. If things change, we’ll deal with it then, but until then, I’m all yours.

If he doesn't trust you with other guys, chances are its what he does when he’s with other girls.

You entered my dream the other night…

It all felt so real. I woke up, disappointed that it was just a figment of my imagination and disappointed in myself for actually missing you.

Another world.

I've always try. I try my best to be optimistic, but at the same time I tend to contradict my emotions. When I’m around people, I seem pretty stable. However, when I’m alone, there seems to be multiple collisions in my mind.

I know I always try. I smile when I’m around people. I help people out when they need me. I’ll cheer you up when you’re sad and I’ll protect you at your worst. I’ll smile at you while passing by you, even if I don’t know who you are. I seem happy but when I’m alone... it’s a whole different world, and my true colors begin to seep out.

By the way, I'm back at home :) Hence, more regular posts will be constructed along your way!

Love,
Velene xoxo

It really sucks when you completely open yourself up to another person, where you let them break through the wall you've worked so hard to construct. You share all your past, your mistakes, your dreams with them, hoping for them to be a part of your future. And maybe they have done the same with you. Maybe the two of you have thought the same about each other. Maybe their words reached out to you and made you think that you guys really would last forever. But the harsh reality is feelings are only temporary, the beginnings are always the greatest but the ending, you can never expect. Once you open yourself up to someone, you’re giving them a part of you, a part for them to take along once they leave and a part that will leave you incomplete, broken. And that’s what always gets me, I’ve given away too much of myself to get back.

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PS. I am heading to holiday soon hence I won't be blogging for the next 2 weeks :) Keep in touch with me on INSTAGRAM :) I will posting my getaway summary (as usual haha) afterwards!

Stay safe and happy everyone!

Love y'all!
- Velene xoxo

I wonder sometimes..

Do the people who come in-between others' relationships feel some kind of accomplishment for ruining someone elses' relationship/happiness? 
I've always wondered, is that why they choose to keep on doing what they, and everyone else knows it wrong other than stepping back and respecting anothers' relationship?
Shit, I don’t know. I have no respect for you if you have the nerve to pull some grimy shit like that. Just saying~

Everyone is selfish.

We all want something/someone to ourselves. No one else can have it but you. It’s such a humane thing to do for you to benefit from something that you don’t want someone else to. So before you tell someone else that they’re selfish for whatever reason - think to yourself, “Would you feel the same way if you were in their situation?"

The "I miss you" feeling.

Ever get those feelings where all you can think about is that one person that makes you smile, continuously? The feeling of what they are doing. How they are doing. And where are they — all without you? You despise the feeling because, you always wonder if they’re missing you, the way you are missing them.

If I were to tell you something, don’t go around telling other people what I've told you. If I wanted others to know, I would've told them myself. Part of me letting you know what others don’t know is I trust you, don’t fuck up our trust by making me regret ever trusting you in the first place. And just know that, trust doesn't come easy. Once it’s gone, you might as well kiss it goodbye because it’s not coming back.

Do you ever just see the first sentence of a text message and just think “oh fuck no I do not have time for this shit”?

Do you ever have those moments where you realise how spectacular you are? Like it’s totally out of the blue, and it’s not about being pompous or egotistical. You just realise that you are an amazing human being, and there’s nothing wrong with believing that. Self-love is such a nice feeling.

I swear people get annoying when they’re constantly trying to talk to you, especially when I’m not even in the mood to chat. It’s not that I’m ignoring you, it’s just that a little personal space would be nice once in awhile. 
Give me some room to breathe before I suffocate.

My life has always been a struggle between different decisions. My mind never seems to agree with my heart on the usual hard to handle situations such as family, friends, etc.  Sometimes I’m just lost or rather confused, because I worry too much about the possible outcomes of every situation, when life itself is unknown to us, unpredictable you could say. Between the battle of mind and heart, I don’t want to be misguided. Yet I can’t help but to let my feelings lead the way instead of logic, which is known to fail me in the end.

"Girls expect too much from guys."

I got to admit, it's do damn true. Not all guys are able to dance, sing or play an instrument and yet, we girls think that that every guy can. And when a guy can’t tick off our criteria sheet, we don’t really take notice of them. Some girls just need to have a reality check - not everyone can be perfect. There’s definitely no such thing as a "dream" guy. No guy is going to be dead-set perfect in your eyes so why bother hunting for one and ignoring all the rest? Why searching for a guy that doesn’t exist? Due to high expectations, we overlook an average guy when in fact, that guy could’ve been the best thing that may have happened to you. 

I feel like... I am the last person someone would want to be in a relationship with.

I am so messy when it comes to dealing with my emotions, and I often leave people second guessing about how I actually feel. I get attached too fast, too easily, and I always fuck things up when they’re perfectly fine. On somedays, it’s hard for me to handle myself. Let alone having to worry about someone else. 
Relationships aren’t for me, maybe I’m just one of those people who’s meant to be single forever and raise 50 cats alone LOL.

People who are too open with their relationship online.

I get so annoyed when I constantly see corny paragraphs from a couple who never fail to post on each other’s walls every day and every night, just saying “I love you” and all those other lovey-dovey stuff. There’s those days where they post endless lovey-dovey things and there’s other days where they post “heartbroken” or “I don’t know how I’m feeling” statuses. I don’t think they know that the more they publicly tell everybody their relationship and what’s exactly happening in it, can potentially harm their relationship more. 

To those of you who has ever looked down on me, or thought I was a good for nothing, one day into the future I will be something. I will prove you wrong, I will accomplish many great things in life and one day, you’ll look at me and realise that you never really knew what I was capable of. 
Ambition is all I really got right now, and it’s going to be a slow process to reach success but I’m determined to get there, no matter how long it takes.

I have mad respect for the ladies who aren't overly dependent on others. The ones who can still manage a smile after all the hardship they go through, the ones who look at the brighter side of every situation instead of letting small things bring them down, the ones who don’t mop around all depressed for a guy because she knows she has more important things to worry about. Ladies that not only knows what they want, but goes after it. That’s who I want to be.

Confession.

Before I start, I must say, this is going to be a post that is very different compared to my other personal posts, what I'm gonna say soon is definitely not for the faint-hearted nor the light-hearted. So be warned! Click HERE if you want to leave :)

If you are reading this right now, and you know me personally (in real life), you may have a lot of questions to ask me after reading this post, your perspective/s of me may change, or simply, no questions at all.

Before you read on, I really want to say that this has been in my mind for a really long time, and somehow I felt like today is the day I wanted to share on my blog, regardless, of who read this, whether it be someone I know or someone who is just a passerby.

So hello to you :) I know for the fact that you are reading this right now, it's either you've been link to this blog, through my instagram post, or you've received an email that I've updated a post, or just a passerby.
As I said at the start, this is not a normal post, originally, I've written this in chinese, in which I only planned to just post on my chinese blog (and in my other chinese social media accounts), however, since I like to challenge myself, I also wrote in english, hence published on this blog.

If you understand chinese (and want to purely read in chinese and read straight to the point, without me being gibberish right now), click HERE to read. Though, please excuse any grammatical errors, as I'm not fluent at writing.

Or you can stay here, and scroll down to read both english and chinese translations that I've provided to the best of my ability.

Let's start, shall we? My life so far~

人的一生會遇到許許多多的過客, 遇到了就應該珍惜。 。 。或許你不知道的下一刻, 過客會成為你生命中最重要的一部分，，，所以我珍惜​​你們每一個。一直没有人懂我，我习惯假装坚强, 习惯了一个人面对所有。只是生活的压力让我善于遗忘, 把那些记忆通通遗忘。我以为遗忘可以让自己快乐起来, 可是, 我感觉到的却是更多的寂寞。
So far in life, there are so many passerby, that change is just a norm for me. On daily basis I feel like I have no friends that are there. Perhaps you may call them acquaintances but I feel as if I am fading and drifting away from those whom were once so close. But in the end, maybe, that is why I like to roam around alone. I feel so at ease with various of possibilities coming my way.  I am bliss in solitude. Wondering down the street, passing by so many opportunities without a purpose and without company. I mean any stranger can walk on by and become that new person by my side. Maybe that is why my heart flows at a much easy pace when it comes to strangers. Perhaps that is why I fathom them more than anyone I may know. Since everyone I know has disappointed me, I know a stranger can behold a lot more secrecy and trust.

关于读书 "Studies" 和生命 "Life"
如果(你)本身認識我的話，你就會知道我的大學業是很糟糕的。糟糕到我變得不像自己了。我的情緒落到底。回到七月的時候，某一樣東西（我不想分享）讓我覺得我扛不住了，而死算是一種解脫。死了就沒有煩惱，不用再去擔憂了。那時候，對我來說作出自殺行動是衝動所致而不是理性思考後的結果。無法用理性來解釋。想死不是一個簡單的問題，有希望的人當然不會死，即使再困難，有希望的人也不會想到死。想死的人，是當時，當地，只有死才能解決一切。因為活著沒有用，沒有希望，活著不能解決任何問題，唯有一死。一切方可重新來過。就像打牌，發來的牌點數不好，不是每個人都會要求重新發牌的。想死就是要重新活。哪怕還有一點希望就不會想到死，認為我即使這樣活著一百年也沒有用，我想要的，想達到的，永遠不能得到。只有將希望寄託在來生。希望來生可以成為一個有用的人。很多人終問我，“人為什麼會去自殺呢？” 表面的說，這跟人生病一樣，是心理出現的重大疾病，不是自己能夠控制的。 是佛教救了我。教了我自杀是一个愚蠢的选择。而我现在还在学着怎么放开我自己，学着不要让我的情绪控制我和学会抗拒的自杀冲动。是佛給我勇氣走下去。
上天给了你这种生活, 因为它知道我强大到可以活下去。 所以我要勇敢的活下去, 證明那種批評我的人, 我可以完成我的夢想。
If you know me personally, you are most likely know/aware that my academic side of my life has been in downfall ever since I got into uni = shitty grades. To me, shitty grades are equivalent to shitty life. What do I mean? Well when I scored really shit, my family would rant the shit out of me. I don't blame them though, I was quite a high-end achiever back in highschool, not too high, but just decent enough to please my parents. Somehow, my academic luck has ended after WACE and I dropped down to the bottom of the pit. I struggled. And every time, when I thought I could do it, life comes running back to me and laughed, "You wish!" :(
Grades really affected me, they changed my life around, I became an emotional wreck. I was a mess. And you might be thinking now, "as if, this girl is seriously joking right now, her life looks too perfect/good etc", I am here to prove many of you wrong. My life is definitely not as simple as it looks. Yes, I probably looked like I am 100% happy all the time with no worries or whatsoever, but 80% is actually my mask. Even if I am really unhappy, I would never show it on my face. Why? Because I am one of those people who will do anything to put a smile on someone's face, just because I love to see someone happy. I love to see them smile, even when I'm not happy. Because I know I can't make myself happy, so why don't I just take this advantage to make someone else happy. I could never forget those times when I got pushed to the deepest corner, where I had no one to run to, and I had tried to take my own life too many times. Those were the days I never forget, for there are scars on my skin, to prove to myself that I have lived and survived up to now; to be honest, I am not proud of this but it's a reminder that I'm strong. I am such a hypocrite, as I was the one to encourage all to not take your own life, as life is precious. It was 3 months ago, in July that suicidal thoughts came running back to me, embracing my thoughts. July was really a mixed-emotions-month for me this year. It was my birthday month of course, I went to Melbourne being fully vibrant (despite being sick), but I broke down for the first time, on the last night of the trip. As expected, my grades came back to haunt me. Though I don't really want to elaborate the whole gist, it was a very important matter I had to attend but sadly, life didn't permit me to do so, hence I missed it and it created turbulence. I felt like I was suffocating so bad, it was like as if someone was intensely chocking me in an extremely slow pace. At that time, I was in the extremes of my emotions, all I could think of was suicide. It was like the perfect answer, because with death, comes no stress, no problems, no worries; and of course, my problems would be solved. I tried once, but failed. And that was the first time (no matter how hard I try), I couldn't put on a mask to reassure everyone I was alright. With no names being mentioned, I broke down in emotions and spill everything to this friend of mine, he said something along the line that things will only get better and with suicide, you’re only running away from your problems. That particular line stroke me. Because that's exactly what I wrote about last year (LINK). I clearly remembered at that moment, I couldn't respond properly, I just broke down in tears and mind you, this was at the airport.... not a pleasant scene at all... And I hate crying in front of people. I hate complaining about my problems. I hate it because people don't really care. You just look like you're asking for attention. It make me look like I'm weak and I hate that.
When I got back to home, it was hell facing my family. Everyone's being cranky towards me, it was still holidays, they banned me from going out. I was literally going crazy as they were so hostile towards me. And I had no one to run to and no one to confide to. I went crazy and insane which leads to depression and it went down track to have suicidal thoughts again. This led me to my second time to try to commit suicide. But, it failed. Fast forward to now. Friends from temple really played a major role, eventhough 99% didn't know the situation I was in, but it was them, who gave me reassurance, gave me this feeling of family, help and support; all as one. And because of this, the tie between me and Buddhism have grown closer. It is Buddha teachings and sutra that calmed me whenever I'm in stress. Eventhough this year hasn't ended yet, but, right now, at the moment, my grades have been going quite good, for Buddha has given me a new dose of courage to face all the problems :)

关于朋友 "Friends"

我相信朋友間本來就有緣份連繫著。是否會長久, 就是我們的選擇。我曾经相信 "好朋友" 是永远的。让我改变这个观念是我的生命中第一个很好的朋友。她的离开让我学会了好多东西。是她说要做一辈子的好朋友, 那时候我很天真, 我依然相信她。为了交到她那时候的男友, 她竟然丢下我, 而放弃这个友谊。我还记得那时候的我, 很伤心。。我那时候想, 如果(你)身为我的好朋友, 既然可以丢下我不管和装的不认识我, 我何必要相信 "好朋友是永远的好姐妹"。。她伤了我很深, 而那是候我也很小 (还不懂事), 居然是她改变我的想法。到现在, 我还无法让自己相信。虽然, (你们认识我)的会说, "不对啊, 你不是有2个很好的好朋友吗?" 的确是对的, 我很幸福。但其中之一呢, 我们特别的近, 或许应该我们彼此认识就一点 (11年了!!) 但最近呢, (就是说前几个月), 很多东西发生。渐渐的, 这些发生的事情, 让我回忆到我的第一个朋友的离开。当我发现了相似和共同点之处, 我怕了。我变的好陌生和变的好冷淡。这个改变很可怕。虽然, 这个朋友跟我说她不会, 但到现在, 我还有保持一个距离。。恐怕, 有一天她离开, 我还反而, 不会收到很大的攻击。

I've drifted away from so many people who used to be important to me. Surprising thing is I don’t care. I guess by now, I’m done with trying to maintain a one way friendships with people because real friends don’t have to see or talk to each other everyday, there’s just an invisible string that ties them together and I’m fine with having that one of a kind connection with just one person rather than have a bunch of so called “friends” that will be forgotten about within time. I used to believe in the term, "bff" aka "best friend forever". But my first ex-bff altered my view (forever). She ditched me for her then-bf. Since I was quite young then (haven't fully mature), it stroke me and left me a huge mark in my life. One particular friend I have grown closer in the past few years (not mentioning any name), if you know this is you I'm talking about (I hope you will at least now know why I was acting the way I was and why am I still acting distant now, though of course, I do not comprehend you to understand all this, but as long as you are aware, I'm all good). For those who don't know, in the past few months, so many things happened. (as you can see above of what I wrote) I realised the similarities and the things that happened were somewhat matchingly a repeat of the past. I got scared. I moved away. I became distant and cold. This feeling was terrible. Eventhough, it's the past, till now, I have been keeping my distance, for one day, if our friendship really did end up in dump, at least, I won't have to experience the pain again, for being too close.

关于感情 "Feelings"

真正的同伴能夠讓你重給勇氣，會讓你想起本來樂觀自信的自己，你會不再軟弱，甚至想反過來支持保護他們，卻使不在彼此身邊，你也不會覺得孤單。就是因為這樣，你之後才明白到，有些人卻使每天見面談話，交換過幾多笑臉，但說了再見後就真的不會再見。來日偶遇也佽一對陌生人，原來彼此多不過是對方人生里的過客。那些曾經對酒當歌，推心置腹的回憶，未能讓你們的情誼關係昇華，卻會在你孤單的時候，讓你覺得更加孤單。
生活时常和我们开着玩笑, 你期待什么, 什么就会离你越远; 你执着谁, 就会被谁伤害得最深。
Hmm.. at the moment, in this aspect of my life, I am happy at the state as I am of right now. I really don't have much to rant on in particular, hence quite a short paragraph here... What I have learnt though from my experiences, is that it’s okay and normal to find yourself thinking about someone late at night and smiling or crying or feeling everything or nothing as thoughts of that person overwhelm you. It’s okay to wonder, even if that person might not be thinking about you (anymore).

关于工作 "Work"
雖然我只是有一個part-time的工作，但我學了很多東西。同事有來有往的，尤其是有些，過了一段時間，反而陌生同事變成了好朋友，我們彼此互相幫忙，互相教，就變的特別近的同事／朋友。 。但突然，或某一天， 他們離開了，的卻那時候，是很傷心，但我非常記得其中之一說，工作跟談戀愛很像，好好認識一份工作，跟好好認識一個人一樣，都需要時間。而沒有東西是永遠的，東西會變的。可能現在老天爺給了我們還年輕的時候，給彼此的機會認識在工作上面，但有些事就來耽誤了，而從這份工作，誰知道，有一天在未來，我們會再見面？因為我們還有很長的路來走，而且還會遇到很多過客。 。誰知道神秘的生活裡的奇蹟會帶給我們什麼呢？
其實在這個工作的方面呢，我是沒什麼要抱怨的，反而，我很幸運。很幸運我容易找到工作。很幸運我的家人支持我可以半讀半工。很幸運在我的經驗裡，遇到很多好的老闆， 很好相處的同事， 學會了很多和每一個經歷都有帶來給自己的好處。還有很幸運我的經歷讓我成為一個更成熟和獨立的人。
Although I am only working part time (being a student myself), I have learnt a lot from work. I've learnt that it's normal that people come and go, especially, over a period of time, friendships grew, from strangers to colleagues then to good friends. We help with each other, we teach each other and we share knowledge. And one day, due to some foreseen and unforeseen circumstances, people leave. At that time, of course, I was very sad, but I clearly remembered, an ex-colleague used to say to me, work is like life, nothing is forever and things can change. Life after all, has its twists and turns, perhaps, it gave us an opportunity to get to know each other at work when we're young, who knows, 10 years or 20 years later, we meet each other again, on a different path? To be honest though, in the work section of my life, I have nothing to complain about. All the experiences I had, I cherished. I am truly lucky. Lucky that I can find job easily. Lucky that my family support me working part time while managing my uni studies. Lucky that throughout my experiences so far, I met lots of amazing bosses, amazing colleagues, worked in really great atmospheres and most importantly, I learnt a lot. Learning is an ever-growing experience! And lastly, I am lucky that my experiences have made me the way I am today, a more mature and more independent person.

And that's it! I have splurge out everything I wanted to share, from the back of my mind. I have no regret/s and whatsoever that this highly personal post will be released out online, as after all, to blog is to share, right? And I just happen, is super comfortable to share these kinds of stuffs online.

If you have indeed read everything I wrote, give yourself a huge pat on the back :) I truly, from the bottom of my heart, thankYOU for being patient to read everything. I welcome any feedback and/or questions, in which I shall answer as best as possible.
If you just scrolled down from top to bottom, having so much writing in between that scared you *in which I really understand*, I still like to thankYOU for taking the time to at least pass by.

Want to keep in touch with me? Find me at:
tumblr | instagram | facebook | weibo 

Till next time!

Love,
Velene xoxo

I don’t say much about the way I feel. I’m hard to figure out. I’m too much to handle. I’m an over-thinker. I spend a lot of my time analysing about things that shouldn't concern me. I trust, believe, fall and hurt easy. I’m fragile and it doesn't take much to break me down. But the other thing is, I know how to pick myself up right where someone trips me, and I never fall in the same place twice.

Awkward moment when I try to flirt with someone.

Other people: hey cutie, you're looking extra fine
Me: so... nice weather today huh

I fall in love with words quicker than with people. I’d prefer that actually. Because words can never really be taken back once they’re said out loud or written in ink. People, on the other hand, can be taken away by someone else - or by death.

I find "I like you" more believable than "I love you". 

"I like you" sounds so much more sincere since it’s rarely used, and "I love you"’s are losing their meaning since it’s thrown around all the time by people who don’t mean what they say.

I wish I was able to eat as much as I want without having to worry about my weight. Or the amount of unhealthy shit I’m putting in my body. I just want to be in a world full of food and eat my way through the day without feeling sick or feeling bloated. I just want to eat. All day long. Hmmmm. 

On another note, got my midsem test result back today... feel so relieved :') #hardworkdoespayoff and thankyou for all the good luck wishes I've received in my emails #blessed :)

Had the most busiest study break. ever. Can't believe it's over soon and back to uni tomorrow waaah! D:

Brief jot down points of what happened:
- long weekend: Harmonise Camp
- Tuesday: outing at Royal Show
- Wednesday: outings. again.
- Thursday: outing and working *tired*
- Friday: shopping with mum *hot and tired*
- Saturday: working and friend's party
- Sunday: outing with family
And...... as expected... minimal study was done! :(
Can't believe in about a month time, exams will be here... holy shmoly... I ain't ready yet!

Oh ya, if you have been following my instagram, I have created another blog dedicated to reviewing products and food (eventhough it still is quite empty at the moment), here's the LINK if you don't know! Hopefully I can do more reviews for you all to read, despite my study load!

Ta for now! Catchaa all soon, my lovelies! :)

Love,
Velene xoxo

And all of sudden, she changed. She came back a completely different person, with a new mindset, a new outlook, a new soul. The girl that once cared too much about everything, no longer cared at all.

I can’t stop thinking about you.

From the moment I wake up, till I fall asleep, you won’t get out of my head. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it seems like I’m falling for you more and more as the day goes by and I have no control what so ever over it. I like this feeling, but it frightens me that one day, like everyone else, you’ll just be a memory, my past. 

Sometimes I feel like words are all I have.

Other times I feel like my thoughts are awake and nocturnal. Unlike all else, words are eternal. Once printed they can never be erased. Once spoken they can never be taken back. Words comfort me at two in the morning and as I'm awake, I realise how utterly alone I am. I think they are nocturnal. They make me tear-up, make me feel all vulnerable, make me think twice and change the way I view the world and everything within it. And writers, they’re dangerous because they are the masters of words. I can spend hours reading. Imagination and creativity are some of the elements in literature. Writers knead and mold the brains of children; the best writers can even do this with adults. Writers have this uncanny ability to delve into the deepest depths of the heart and extract poems we didn't even know existed. They can snowball the simplest of ideas into the most intricate fiction pieces. And for that reason, it’s not the dark we should fear, but the writer’s ability to turn on the light.

Right now, I feel like "change" has come back and starting to haunt me. With my thoughts changing. With my preference changing. With all these strings lying around for me yet to fix. With all these lil things to sort out. With founding out shits that I ain't suppose to know. With my changing perception of certain people that I'm close with. They are all changing. This frightened me, for I feel like I'm pushed to the corner of the corner, with no one to confide to and with everyone's moving and changing so fast, I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to catch up. And by the time I catch up, it'd be all too late...

It’s weird to think that right now, while I have sleepy eyes and weary thoughts, some people are wide awake, on the other side of the world. People are probably bustling around, grabbing a fresh cup of coffee or hurrying to their work or enjoying the sun; while I’m here, lying on my bed. 
And right here, right now, it isn’t quite lonely anymore. 
Life doesn't seem that bad. Just because it’s dark now doesn't mean the light is gone. Just like how the sun still exists even though it’s late at night and the moon is my only comfort. On the other side of the world, my tomorrow is their today; and that, for some reason, gives me comfort too - their yesterday is my today and life goes on.

You were never mine. You weren't mine to begin with and not mine to end with.

Resisting the urge to talk to you, knowing how much heartache that could possibly bring if I do so..

I would say that I am proud of myself for resisting the urge to talk to you, but that wouldn't exactly be the truth. I’m left feeling a confusing mix of relief and disappointment. I know that I made the more responsible, rational, and self-respectful choice. But I can’t help but feel as though I've missed out on an important opportunity. An opportunity for what? I have no idea. 

You know that feeling of your heart dropping when you find out that your loved one has been trying to hide something from you? Yeah, not the greatest feeling in the world. It might not mean shit to you, but it sure means a hell lot to me. So save your sugar-coated bullshits for someone else. Come at me with one hundred percent honesty. The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie. 

You can have it all.

You just can't have it all at once.

"Unexpected" breakups.

You know, those relationships you see that you would never thought would tear apart?
I have seen and admired so many cute couples and it’s quite shocking knowing that more than half of them aren't together anymore. I always think to myself “Oh my, they’re so cute!” or “They’re going to last forever for sure.” I would think that nothing can stop these two inseparable people. I guess, nothing good lasts forever… No matter how good you think it is at the time. Especially love. Love changes its mind all the time. It’s just so damn unexpected. 

All the partying, trying to be popular and not doing your homework in highschool isn't going to help you with your future. 
Five years of school is tiring, but the results will be worth it. 
If there’s anything I could change about my highschool periods, it would be not procrastinating as much. 
Work hard, play later. 
Hard work and determination won’t go unnoticed, I promise.

So many flaws and so many criticism.

I have flaws, I am aware of that. I hate it when people point them out like I don’t already know. I have many of them actually. I am flawed from the outside. I've accepted the things I don’t like about myself, and the things I would do to change. I've accepted who I am. And by doing that, I am seeing in me now, the things you swore you could never see yourself, something you wouldn't be able to see, because you are just distracted and deceived by the flaws that carry on me.

"Sex isn't a big deal"

Actually.

It is.

I fail to understand those who say it isn’t. I really believe it is.

If you believe it isn’t… I’d conclude you’re (a) very lucky or (b) finding yourself in monotonous sexual encounters, producing the same result. Which is cool. Very cool.

It’s not so much people’s decision to sleep around that baffles me. (I've been in enough environments to not flinch every time I find out someone sleeps around) It’s more the claim that sex is just a regular “pass time”.

I don’t criticise this mentality, I am just genuinely intrigued. Coming from a kind place in my heart. I want to learn.

As we get older, (not just because a few years have been added onto our age) we (should) start seeing sex in a different light.

You may find yourself thinking twice, three times, four times before engaging in it. You may start to feel different emotions during sex. You may begin to have different thoughts afterwards. You may begin to look at sexual partners differently. Begin to feel a tiny little butterfly in your stomach if you bump into them in town. You may begin to tweak your sex stories to your friends. Or reduce the number of "friends" you DO tell. What once, in your early teens, was easy to dismiss, becomes a thought that lingers around for longer.

Grow up a little bit? Evolve? Does sex now really still feel how it did when you first did it?

Life will test you when, while being sexually active, you finally fall so deeply in love with someone who wishes to stay celibate.

Then you start weighing the pros and cons of each.

Trying to establish whether your love or your sex life deserves to suffer.

Even more stressful when your desire for each is so great.

PS. I know this is a topic I rarely touch/rant on but this is a random ramble, I guess. Writing as I think so nothing is lost..

Happy Daddy's Day!

Dear Daddy (eventhough I know you won't be reading this :P nevertheless...),

Daddy, I know you're really strict on me because you want me to have a good future by having a stable career and someone worthy enough to take care of me till I'm old. Eventhough I may act like I'm not listening when you nag, I actually take your words to heart and thankyou for always protecting and defending me when other people say hurtful stuffs about/to me...

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, HAPPY DADDY'S DAY DADDY!
Thankyou for everything you did for me and I'm eternally grateful!♥

I really do not like finding things out from other people or on my own. I trusted you with your words but I should have figured from your actions that you were lying. It’s sad how I actually “let it go” like you said. Hah, thanks for being like the rest of the shithead boys that I have met. 
Whateverrr, it’s my fault anyways for putting my guard down and trusting you. There’s nothing else to do but accept it and move on. (LINK)

20 facts about me!

So there's this "20 Facts About Me" challenge going on around Instagram and I've been tagged by 2 people and I was like why not, let's do it, it's simple... NEK MINNIT. Oh em gee it's so hard to think about 20 things haha XD Got there eventually!

Click LINK to see :)

Here are the 20 facts if you wanna read and can't be bother to click the link haha X)

*In no particular order*

1) I love food #foodielyfe
2) I love taiwanese and korean dramas #dramas4lyfe
3) My first favourite girl band is SHE and first favourite boy band is Fahrenheit飞轮海!
4) I blush easily *tomato cheeks*
5) I love reading.
6) My blog is my diary aka I love to write #foreverblogging
7) I talk a lot once you get to know me
8) I started playing piano since I was 6
9) I love classical music
10) I love/hate my height
11) I tend to overthink everything
12) I sometimes care too much
13) I am a really emotional person, especially during sad movies and funerals.
14) If you think you're the procrastination queen, think again! Because I'm probably worse than you.
15) I was born and raised as a Buddhist but I went to a Christian primary and highschool. So ya, I’m Buddhist but I do believe in God.
16) I'm blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive friends
17) I’m one of those people who will do anything to put a smile on someones face, just because I love to see someone happy.
18) I was a keyboardist in a rock band back in primary school.
19) I have never wore retainer or braces before.
20) .... is my age!! :D

Hope you have fun reading haha! :) xx

Sometimes, it’s good to see people from the past :)

Cause they give you the familiarity that the present people can’t..

Well... yes. I did the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, nominated by one of my friends from Sydney! :P Today was seriously a terrible choice to do it as the weather was HORRIBLE. It was stormy. It was rainy. It was windy. Eww. Worst combinations ever.
Besides the weather, I already had a shitty day starting from the morning where I had an infringement of $100 *FML* and as you can see the video above, the video camera obviously decided to stop recording for some reason :P and thus you can't see my reaction. But my friend, Viv did say it was really hilarious. I did 2 buckets and it was INSANELY FREAZING COLD. #never again#
Not only have I done the challenge, I also have donated too!
After all, it's all for good cause, so please donate! :D
I hope the ALS disease can find its cure asap. To learn more about ALS visit http://www.alsa.org/
And if you haven't got nominated, you should definitely join in the fun, donate and spread this awareness!
To be honest, I think this challenge is unnecessary, but it's gotten the whole world's attention and now everyone knows about ALS. So I guess it's a good thing.
Click this (if you can't see the video above): LINK

That boy.

We all have that boy. That boy who you’re completely over but you still think about before you sleep. That boy who you avoid talking to, but still wish he would just message just once.That boy who you have to make yourself not think about, but always wonder if he is thinking about you too.

Caught up with Nicole during uni today! :D

We had small portion of lunch as our actual main target in Karawarra was to try out "Berry Me". Twas a good catchup session :) Below's a collage of us selfie-ing all day errrrday and them naicee froyo ;)
Check out what Nicole posted on her instagram - it's a photo of us showing our teeth when we smile, as you all know I rarely smile with teeth, but I do admit, it looks quite nice in this instant haha XD
PS. My eyes look so big and my face is so round! #firstworldproblem #imgettingfatterfeck #whatisdiet #okIshouldstophashtag XD

Judge Me. Go ahead. No one is stopping you. The matter of fact that you already judged me right when you saw me.
Want to know something? Thanks for taking the time to analyse me.
I promise, all you will ever see is the "image" I put for you. I could honestly care less. I've been kicked, pushed, beatened to the core.
Your judgements can’t hurt a single bone in my body.
When you have stepped a day in my shoes, saw my whole life story in the flash of your eyes, felt all my pain, learned my secrets, know me inside and out; that’s when I’ll truly be effected by your judgements. Apart from that, then you don’t know a thing about who I truly am. You don’t mean a thing to me.
Never judge a book by its cover, you are just blinded and deceived in the end.
And to take shit from people. Is that a problem? No, it’s called standing up for yourself.
I treat people the way I want to be treated.
Do me wrong, don’t expect any respect from me.
So really, calling me stubborn because I won’t back down isn’t the right word, I’m just allergic to bullshit.

I'll be alright. One day. Someday. Just not today.

It is not easy...

.. Pretending you’re okay when you’re not. Especially when you’re with your close friends. They know you too well sometimes and you don’t want them knowing you’re not okay because you don’t want them worrying. So you just fake smiles all day long, but once you get home you just start bursting into tears. There’s a point where you've held something in for too long and you just can’t hold it in anymore.

For those who put their relationship first....

... and make it their number one priority. Okay, it’s cool that you want to spend time with your beloved other half and all of that, but don’t forget your friends. You know, the people who have been through with you so much. Don’t think that now since you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, that you’re going to forget and ignore your friends. Because the further you push me away, the more quicker you’re going to lose me as your friend. Don’t think for a second that when you’re having trouble with your relationship, that I will be there for you. Don’t come crying to me when everything gets out of hand. Because I don’t appreciate those who put their friends as second important, or even worse, my existence is only important to you, when you need something or when you need someone. You only need me, when shit happens in your life. When things aren’t going as planned, or when no one else is there by your side. Because you know exactly well, that I’ll always lend you my shoulder no matter what happens. 

First of August already...

Too many times have I encountered with the existence of Mr. and Ms. Temporary. It feels different and weird to see people you once knew, living their lives perfectly fine without you. People who you thought would always be there by your side. The way you used to be so close. You used to talk everyday. You used to share everything. You used to rely on each other. You used to be an important part of each other’s lives.

And now, it’s over.

All the memories are there but now you barely talk. Now... you barely know what’s going on in each other’s lives. Now,... you sometimes have conversations but you run out of things to talk about. You see pictures and notice how everything has changed. And it’s sad.

Maybe it happened to you before. When you lose a best friend, someone whom you love, or a family member, all because of unexpected circumstances. Or a sudden disappearance without an explanation. I know for a fact that it happened to me. Not just once but numerous times, and trust me, it freakin hurts.

So how do we know that our current relationships will actually last? How do we know that our current bonds won’t be more than temporary? Well the truth is, we don’t.
We can’t predict it.
And that’s why sometimes, only sometimes, I feel as if nothing lasts forever in this world. Nothing.

When people notice my writing and thoughts, before noticing the way I look, how old I am, what skin color I am, what race am I, or who I am. I've always been more flattered when people like my writing, than when people like my appearance.

I can’t stand guys with dirty minds. It’s such a turn off when you’re trying to have a decent conversation with them and all they can talk about are sex-related things. I can never hold a long enough conversation like that, so it’s only a matter of time before I start ignoring you.

What has the society become?

Kids with phones? Kids talking about sex-related stuff? Kids having sex? Kids saying swear words in every sentence? Kids disrespecting their parents? Kids in a relationship? My goodness gracious me, you kids are trying to grow up way too fast..
Don’t do this kind of shit at this age.
Enjoy your childhood before it’s too late, kids.

Have YOU ever...

... caught someone staring at you and wondered what they’re thinking about like if it’s something positive or negative; if it’s a passing thought or a long internal string of things; if they’re even thinking about you at all or you just happen to be in the line of sight while their mind drifts off about something completely unrelated..?

I always wonder who will care once I’m gone.

Melbourne Trip: 2nd to 15th July '14

Hey my lovelies! :) If you have kept up with my instagram, I was back in Perth on the 15th of July :) If you don't know, well... now you know haha ;)
I was supposed to make a summary post on the 15th, however, I was emotionally unstable due to unforeseen circumstances back then (still is, but that's another story) and also because I got called to work the day after, so ya I've been working everyday since I've come back from my trip... very tiresome *yawwwn* thus explained, my inability to compose and deliver a post to y'all *my apologies* :3 Luckily, I do not have to work tomorrow, but I gotta go to temple for a rehearsal, so it shouldn't be that tiring *I hope not haha*

Hmm... where to start.... let's see... I shall post the brief highlights of each day.. while they're still fresh in my mind haha :)

2nd July: Depart Perth

- reached Melbourne around 7pm
- I believed we were all thinking when we reached there, was like "Nooooo... we lost our 2 hours haha" XD
- picked up from airport and transported to Fo Guang Shan Temple in Yarraville
- tired and hungry but luckily, we were provided dinner.... they were saaah good and VERY filling.
- met dorm-mates: one from Sydney, the other Brisbane and another a New Zealander :)
- felt myself getting sick because from the change of weather, started coughing, it was terrible! At that time, I was like ya I will have time tomorrow to go out and get some cough medicine... nek minnit.

3rd July: tour to 2 places with the interstate crews

Went to:
- William Ricketts Sanctuary - it's such a peaceful and enlightening place, a place full of sculptures!(well 92 to be exact!) I legitly lost counting as I got surrounded by more and more sculptures along the path XD Some reminded me of Greek gods/goddesses hmmm....
- SkyHigh Mount Dandenong - such a breathtaking view! :D

4th July - 7th July: ANZBYC Camp @ Mt Morton Camp & Conference Centre

It was such an amazing conference! Made new friendships and the bond between us perth yads who went, got stronger :) Gotta give a big clap for the Melbourne YADs, they did such brilliant job in organising it! Eventhough the camp has passed, I still got the theme song stuck in head lol :P If your interested, click HERE to check out (click on the second one)!

8th July:

- Brekky at Pie Face :)
- Walked around the city
- Went to Emporium! Mandatory elevator mirror selfies hehe ;)

- Saw street performers busking! They even have a sign showing their facebook, youtube, instagram and itunes account. (made dem links on each social media site, click on it if your interested)
- Went to H&M... ZOMG. I got a tad crazaaay afterwards haha, cos the whole store just overwhelmed me in general, so big! When will it be Perth's turn to get a H&M.... hmmm one will ever dream so haha XD
- Met up with 2 of Perthians who were holidaying in Melbs!
- SELFIES here and there! :P
- Walked to Eureka Skydeck! Such a long walk but the view going forth and back made a worth-ing decision to do so! Here's a SELFIE on the 88th floor! It was really funny cos on one of their television screen, it said if you took a picture and post on instagram, go tag it as #eurekaskydeck. I tagged it... nek minnit. I saw my selfie appeared on their screen hehe... I felt special for a minute haha XD *silly me*
- Dins at Rice Workshop! Their 2 dorrrraaaa matcha soft serve cone was ahhhmazing!

9th July: Mt Buller! (PIC)

First time skiing and see snow haha! X)

10th July:

- Yumchaaa with YAD sydney and some melbournians at Westlake Restaurant in ChinaTown! :)
- DFO (Direct Factory Outlet) South Wharf Round 1: It's pretty much like Harbour Town in Perth, but of course with a more wider range of brands.
- Went to Melbourne Central - had Schnitz! Their chips were to die for!
- Was totally surprised (didn't expect it at all!) by these bunch of lovely friends! PIC 1 and PIC 2 Truly blessed! :)

11th July: My birthday! :)

- birthday brunch at Gogo sushi with the perth crew! (click this PIC to see how many plates we demolished!) We 7 people cleared 75 plates! It was a sushi-train restaurant! And all da sushi plates were so cheeeeeeeeeap! Only $3.50 per plate! Such good deal! Can't find that here! The lady who sat opposite of us, was very surprised that we ate so much.. and more coincidentally, she's also from Perth! Such a small world! She even took a photo of how many plates we demolished hehe ;) Below's the photo she helped us to take, it's just us girls :)

From left to right: Tammie, Me, Grace, Viv

 - karaoke timee! :) Spent 4.5 hours singing our hearts and lungs off haha! We went to PartyWorld, it's located at Melbourne Central.

 - dinner at Your Thai with some of the Sydney-er, New Zealander and 2 melbournian crews! :)

Photo credits to: Grace

- walked around city after dins! Bumped into Mickey and Minnie Mouse hehe, got birthday wishes from dem♥

- departed in our ways, then we perth yads met up with 2 people from perth originally in melbs, had dessert at The Pancake Parlour

Top: from L to R - Grace, Tammie and Me
Bottom: what we 3 girls shared :)

- received a humongous macaron from one of my dearest friends! PIC

12th July:

- brekky at The Pancake Parlour... again haha X) The restaurant reminded me of 'Pancakes at the Carillon' in Perth.
- went to the State Library..... so big!
- went to QV.... it was at the food court area then we got attracted to Tutti Frutti, tried their flavours... and ended up getting them ourselves XD It was quite chilly that day too, but there's always an exception for froyo haha. PIC
- shopped more as we wandered around the city!

13th July:

- brunch at 1000 Pound Bend! We originally wanted to go 'The Hardware Société' as it's a very popular brunch spot in Melbourne, however, by the time we reached there, there was a long pile of people waiting in the line, we were very hungry, thus we skipped it and chose the closest cafe that offered brunch, and that's how we landed at the so-called '1000 Pound Bend'. PIC
- DFO South Wharf Round 2 - SHOPSHOPSHOP! Vans had a 70% sale... holy shmoly, bought a pair of vans for my brah, I was gonna buy a pair for myself but then I was like I had lots of shoes at home, rents gonna kill me if they find out I buy another pair, so I resisted the temptation X) haha luckily it worked!
- Went to Crown for a quick look haha! Pretty cool haha! Didn't end up going to inside of the casino itself as we were in a hurry, but from the outside look, I think it's pretty much similar to the one in Macao!
- Went to '甜品屋 Dessert Story': ordered a tiramisu flower pot! PIC It's really similar to the one in No.4 Blake Street.
- Dins dins at Don Don! It was one of the recommended places suggested from one of my friends. Food there was cheap and good! Worth the price!
- Walked all the way to N2 Extreme Gelato, it was a pretty long walk from city! XP But worth it at the end haha! I ordered choux-choux (pronounced: shoo-shoo) hehe. PIC

14th July:

- brunch at this very cosy and creatively-designed cafe, called "Flipboard Cafe" A definitely must go place if you're travelling to Melbourne! :) What I had: PIC

15th July

And.... that's it! :D Had a fantabulous time there! Truly unforgettable memories! :) It's really crazy actually, to think about it, the friends I've (we've) made during camp, you've grown so close with each other, yet you can see them next year, or maybe not, the following year... it leaves a strange feeling on me... it's almost like the friendship we made during the camp are like penpals, hmm no words can describe this feeling... I probably ain't even making sense right now.. anyways... hope y'all enjoyed reading this! :) There were a lot of pictures I took, still had to sort them out and have yet to post them on facebook, shall do soon!

Next year's ANZBYC is going to be at Brisbane.... hopefully I can make it there to rekindle the friendships I've made this time :)

Overall, this trip was really an "oomph" to my life, as I would consider this as my getaway aka an opportunity to escape reality, where I have absolute nothing to worry about.

Till then, hope everyone is enjoying their weekend! :)

Love,
Velene xoxo

Woooohooooo!

Today marks the first of July alreadyyy.... say who? :'D

Leaving tomorrow for a special destination/holiday, keep up to date with me on my instagram if your keen to know :)

I won't be blogging for the next 2 weeks or so, neither would I be answering back any questions nor replying to my inbox XP... though, if you wanna, you can always check out what I'll be rocking up with on my instagram ;)

But one thing I'm definitely sure, is that I'll be spamming y'all with loads of good getaway summary posts when I come back :D... well, isn't that exciting? ;)

"If you cannot convince them, confuse them."

Just casually, inputting something here, this is the 100th post of 2014 :) WHOOOP!

Love,
Velene xoxo

Happiness is a choice.

Nowadays, I just can’t seem to get my thoughts down on paper. My mind is on constant over-drive, teetering back and forth between emotions. It’s been quite a while that I last wrote something I can say I was proud of.

I learned something crucial about writing so far: happiness is the most difficult emotion to express. Seriously.

In the past, depression/sadness/vent/guilt were always the catalyst of all my writing. In the midst of misery and anguish, somehow the words seemed to flow in streams of recherché, refined and defined emotions so unbearably painful that an ocean full of words tumble onto paper like a huge destructible wave. Writing was a way to escape the turbulence and confusion, a way to sort out feelings and manipulate them in a way that satisfied me. And up to that point, writing had been satisfactory.

But now… I’m too happy for words. Don’t get me wrong though, I have my sad days. Sometimes they come more often than completely not. But this time around, I don’t need to write to escape the sadness.. I prefer escaping into him. He becomes the happy world I can only dream of writing about.
Happiness becomes an all together incommunicable thing, expressed only by experience.

Had an awesome day today spent with Nicole :)
To see what we did, CLICK ME!
Here's a brief run-through of what happened!

- hairdye adventure! Click THIS to see my updated hair look/colour haha... I used Liese hair dye in marshmallow brown, it comes out lighter than what I had originally, woohoo! Good to experience lighter shades haha X) And honestly, my hair feel softer than ever after washing those dyes out haha!
- korean lunch from Arirang at Carousel food court
- our dnms during lunch
- bubbleteas from utopia
- "Maleficent" movie sesh hehe :) got popcorns and maltesers cos they're great combos!! The movie is soooo gooooooood! Gotta love the bond between Maleficent and Aurora... so heartwarming! If you haven't watch, go do so! It's insane if you miss it! :P
- While we were walking around the shopping centre, a random guy started walking towards our way, purposely/deliberately (heck had no idea) "ignored" Nicole and started swaying towards me (Nicole thought we know each other, but I don't even know him aka never seen him before. ever.) and he just opened his arms wide, and said "Can I get a hug?"... it was so awkward and random :P
Well that's pretty much it of our adventure together today, went to temple by train, was meant to get there at 5pm, but ended up getting there around 5:50ish haha... oopsie daisie, but I wasn't the latest one though haha XD
Ta for now! Feel accomplished that I wrote a summary post... yays! Haven't done this kind of post in yonks! Hope youse enjoyed reading what was my day like :)

Catcha all next time lovelies... and stay tune with my upcoming posts... and special announcement ;)

Love,
Velene xoxo

There’s so much I want to tell you, yet I leave so many words unsaid. The question of how long will I be able to fight back the urge of talking to you before this feeling eats me up alive has always crossed my mind. Honestly, there’s really no telling how long it will take for me to completely forget about you, or if I’m even able to forget about you. 
I can only continue as I am now, silenced by the pain.

Confession of the day: I have always found it hard to let go...

... especially if it's someone who I have grown comfortable with. 
I’m not the type of person who can forget about someone within just a week or two, there’s also never really a time limit for how long it will take me for me to completely move on from someone. 
So when people ask me “why are you still stuck on him?” I really don’t have an answer for it － depending on the relationship we shared, it might take me more or less time to get over it.

PS. As you can see in this post, I tagged it with "confession" - recently created this label, so feel free to check it out :) PEACE xx

Confession of the day: If we talk a lot, I'll start liking you.

Just talking to me everyday will do so much, a lot much than you ever think.
You’ll eventually become my daily routine. I get to learn more about you as I listen to you talk about how your day is, how you’re feeling, and how you really are. Just knowing almost every detail about you will bring me closer to you.
It will however, become hard for me to not like you, if I admire the person you actually are behind your appearance.

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GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. Exam tomorrow.. Hopefully the paper is do-able so I can do it justice haha X)

Is there such thing as fate?

Do YOU believe that fate does somewhat exist? 

That there’s a guidebook telling you what’s going to happen in every little aspect of your life? 

I used to believe that fate does exist in some way. I did believe that if you were to meet someone special and end up lasting with them, then it’s fate that brought you together.....

But when it comes down to logic, it’s all about your decision-making that determines where your life heads. 

If you for example, missed your bus because you chose to sleep in and that caused you to meet someone along the way, would you call that fate or would you just consider that a coincidence? 

Does fate run along with your choice-making OR is it just your choices that make up how you live your life? 

Parent's Unconditional Love.

Personally, I don’t approve of divorces when there’s a child/children involved in the situation. 
To be honest, if I’m ever in the state where I cannot possibly stand being under the same roof as my husband, I still wouldn't divorce him. 
Why? 
Because I’d hate to put my kids through pain. I’d hate to see them grow up without a father. Or a mother. I’d hate to see them all grown up with the vulnerability and fearfulness of falling in love and finding that “right” person. I don’t want to give them the idea that love doesn't last forever.. because despite the love that possibly have already died between two parents, the love between the kids and parents will always be unconditional....
And if it comes down to the point where you have to choose between your happiness and your own kids, which one would you choose??
Exactly. 

Don’t worry about relationships right now.

Why? Y-O-U are still, well young... you can’t go into a relationship expecting a fairytale ending out of it at this age. 
Spend more of your time on school/uni/college, on your future and your family. There’s nothing more attractive than ambition, and once you have that, you wouldn't need to worry about not having someone who will be dying to start a relationship with you.

Today was not a good day for me... >.<
You just never know what is gonna happen next... let alone, next second...
Sprained my right ankle.. as u can see (or not see) on my instagram post
Legitly happened within a split second, one second I was normal and the next second, hjdsabkbfuz and off to hospital I went...
I can't even bear any weight on my right leg cos it fucking hurts when I try to do so :S
So grateful though that I only sprained (soft tissue injury) and not like broken a bone... that'd be disastrous!!
And luckily, my friends were around me before my parents came, ya, I was shaking like nonstop, never. again. Worst experience ever. I think it was just the combo of shock, pain, numb and what is gonna happen :3
Hopefully I make a quick recovery tho! Or else it'll be a pain in the ass to limp to exam arghhh :/
WHY.

YOU know what gets me?

When someone makes a 'joke' or a comment on something that’s actually one of my insecurities and they don’t realise it. Yeah, I usually never say anything but damn, shit hurts. Especially when I have to try to go along with them while I’m slowly dying on the inside. People need to be more sensitive, if you notice something negative about a person, you don’t have to point it out to the whole world. Words can do some serious damage and just because something is funny to you, it doesn't mean everyone else will appreciate your “sense of humor”.

"Do you ever want to slap yourself in the face because you know you should be doing something productive but instead you choose to sit in front of a laptop for hours on end doing shit that has no beneficial impact on your life and this just happens day after day after day and still you refuse to accept the fact that you have a problem?"

When I text someone who has their phone with them all the time, and I know for a fact they’re always checking it, yet they take forever to respond back. It makes no sense. What are you always checking then, the weather?
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I rarely relate my instagram post on here :P But man, legitly, for once, I WAS STOKED on how many likes I got in this picture I posted yesterday.... :P I've never got a gazillion likes/notifications before... this is all rather new..
If you haven't see, click HERE.

Confession of the day: I know I act like I hate you...

The truth is I could never hate you. I'm just so mad things turned out to be this way.

I feel that..

..the cutest relationship would be two people who are truly comfortable with each other, like they could be doing nothing all day but still having the best time with each other presence. They don’t need all the surprises, cute videos and pictures, to prove to others that their relationship is great, although those are included in their relationship from time to time. 
Actually, I just like couples who don’t publicise their relationship meaning they keep most of their relationships to themselves. Sometimes all the couples I see online are just too much/too overrated. I mean with all the surprises they share, have the same ideas. It does get old, but that’s just my opinion ayee.

I've created this blog only to extract how I feel.

Thoughts that over-pound my soul and mind leaving me bombarded and helpless. Who would have known how a simple blog could bury and hide so much from the outside world. Things that are left here, stories that are written here, memories that haunt the mind here, thoughts that are scattered all over the pages that seem never-ending, are all too complex in this narrative.
This is the place where I could escape and not have to worry about anyone or anything, but myself. A place where I may be critiqued, yet heard. An accommodation of unknown thoughts, but a place where people can listen and travel with. Questions left unanswered, thoughts venting out - letting it out in this bewildering passage.
A dimension where people have managed to stay hidden between pages and name; I myself have included as well.

Confession:

I miss you. It’s not the type of longing that I am used to, it’s weird, because I don’t necessarily miss you, I miss us. Everything we were, everything we could have been. Those late nights, long conversations.. The way you were able to turn everything bad in my life good.

PS. I know I've been MIA (I'm still alive! :P) these days, so I'm gonna try my best to at least write 2 posts each week :)

Confession:

I usually look at the worst possible side of every situation, and I make big deals out of the simple things. Too often, I let my emotions take over my thoughts then I end up getting over emotional for the stupidest reason. Others can’t understand how I feel, and I never bother to explain because my problems are the ones I create for myself and they don’t actually exist. I know over-thinking only leads to unhealthy thoughts but hey, there’s nothing I can do to stop myself.

"Relationships now a days equals one male, one female, one home wrecking bitch, one ex talking shit and one friend secretly trying to break you guys up." - Drake

Guys are so cute when they talk about their feelings.

Some of you don’t like me.

I know that.
I respect your opinion about me. I notice but I don’t react to it. I don't care. Then there’s some of you who have been sending me anon messages to hope I die. What’s your problem? I’ve been going through a rough time, and by you saying that it makes me feel gut worse than I already am. But I’d appreciate it if you leave me alone. I mean would it make you feel better, to watch me as I bleed? To watch me suffer? It’s not like I haven’t been suffering enough already..

That feeling where you just want to disappear.

I think it’s a cry for help. 
Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. 
Sometimes your life feels like it’s caving in on you. At times there are people out there who really do feel like they don’t want to exist, like they just want to curl up in a ball and go into that place between life and death. 
When they say things such as ‘I don’t want to exist’ isn’t saying ‘I want to die’. It’s saying ‘I wish for the time being that I can escape this place call reality and just not feel’.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, and you don’t know how it feels to be this way then you have no place to judge anyone who does.

Dear old me,

What happened to you? You slowly faded away. You vanished, you were by my side and then you left. What did I do to make you leave? Was it because I was changing or was it because I was maturing? Please come back, I missed you. Things are getting hectic and I miss your carefree ways. I miss the way you would smile and actually meaning it. I miss my joyful expression and happiness when you were around. Now everything is just so out of place. Everybody left to right questioned where you’re at, did you die or are you lost? I’m sorry for all the changes and all the shit I've been doing. But here I stand with the new me and I’m slowly losing you. I’m sorry. I love you, and I miss you.

Love,
Me

I've always been the underachiever when it comes to school. I’m not dumb, nor am I stupid. I’m just unmotivated. I've been limiting myself with the standard of “okay” grades I set for myself, but I know I’m capable of doing better. If only I had the motivation to try harder, and actually forced myself to go a little farther, I could see myself accomplishing so much more.

Sometimes we say and do things a certain way because it’s easier.

It’s easier to say simple things, rather than explaining how we really feel. Most of the time, we can barely explain how we truly feel. Yay or nay haha? Personally for me, it's because sometimes it’s easier to say nothing than "I miss you, I wish we didn't fight, or end things, I wish you were here with me again, I wish you’d call sometimes. Where have you been? Why’d we drift?"
Because sometimes it’s easier to think "Fuck this, fuck life, fuck everything." Rather than admitting that you’re struggling, you’re overwhelmed, or having the sensation feel of drowning.

Because at times, it’s so much easier to admit the simple things. So much easier than saying the more complex things and realising that you've been out of control, and your touch has been complete chaos.

And just like that... my two weeks of midsem break are over :3
Managed to get quite a lot of study done despite going out and about so much haha :P Back to study mode from tomorrow X) pretty much saying, I won't be blogging much :) but I do update my other social websites as often as I do than here haha :X aka FACEBOOK (I heard it's pretty easy to find me on fb.... say what :X but as I've said before, I don't accept random people cos fb is purely for family and friends, but you can follow me if you want), INSTAGRAM, TUMBLR, WEIBO etc...
If you want to contact me for any particular reason, please refer to this PAGE for more deets :)

Before I leave, I found this rather interesting yet meaningful quote written by Fascinating Wall Street Journal Article:

“Instead of saying 'I don’t have time' try saying 'it’s not a priority,' and see how that feels. Often, that’s a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don’t want to. But other things are harder. Try it: 'I’m not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it’s not a priority.' 'I don’t go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.' If these phrases don’t sit well, that’s the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don’t like how we’re spending an hour, we can choose differently.” - Fascinating Wall Street Journal Article

Oh and also lately, I got shown this video (shown below, if you can't watch it, click HERE) It is so racist but like really hilarious haha~ It's been shared around on facebook and stuffs, may as well share it here haha :) sharing's caring lol ;)

Ta for now!

Catcha all next time :)

Love,

Velene xoxo

Reminiscing.

It’s the one thing I absolutely hate doing. It makes me think of the good, and the bad that’s happened at one point in my life. But most of all, it makes me miss those people who once meant so much to me yet I thought didn't mean much to me anymore. I never thought I’d find myself saying this, but damn.. do I miss all the people I've lost throughout these few years. 

WADDUP EVERYONE :D

YOOOOHOOoooooooooo!

As you have/have not seen, I participated in "Amazing Race" event yesterday, held by YADWA (Young Adult Division of WA: Facebook LINK if your interested :) It was superbly fun but it was exhausted! Walked A LOT. (exercise ✓ for the day haha)
Since it was a Sunday as well, transportation-wise, we have to wait like around 15 minutes to 30 minutes haha, however it wasn't too bad. But other than that, the amazing race itself was great! And to top it off, I was teamed with really nice and funny guys :)

Can't believed that my team won it haha! :D We did all challenges! X) #teamedupwithreallysmartfellas haha #nojokes.

And I must say, dayuuum the committee members did a really brilliant job in setting out the whole challenges, but time factor did dragged on a bit cos some of the challenges were hard to complete haha! We passed ours with a lot of help too from strangers :)

If you want to see what I posted yesterday, click HERE! :)

Today is also a public holiday haha cos of the Easter. Gotta love Australia for public holidays, love how we push public holidays (if they fall in weekends), Monday shall be the holiday :D haha but this doesn't really affect me cos I'm in my midsem break anyways lol :P

And this week is my last week of my break... nooooo :( Have so much things planned for this week as well oopz haha!~ Will be out and about so much haha!

Ta for now!

Love,
Velene xoxo