Saturday 27 June 2015

A while ago, one of my friends actually pointed out to me that I don't really ask for advice or suggestion even when I actually ask for it *does that make sense? :P Let me explain~*
So that one time, I tried to ask her for her opinion/advice/suggestion, she then stated that I did not really ask her for it, as in no matter what advice she gives, I already am stuck in my own little world, with my own thoughts as I had actually made up my mind/decided what I really wanted. When she said it, I realised that is actually very true indeed, yes, eventhough in my mind, I have already made up my decision, somehow I just want someone to reassure me and my decisions.

Her words surely stroke me as we can count as very close friends and I thought that she would have told me what to do. Yet I was surprised that she could point out what others didn't, at least what I did not realise, and at the moment I told myself she was right.

She was right that I don't really take advice in application even if I ask. There are also most of you that claimed that I actually make good decisions. This seems to be a great compliment for me, it is one big compliment yet I doubt I deserve it. I don't think I deserve it as even I myself, can't really decide what I really want, and also what's best for me. Especially that feeling of uncertainty after a decision is made.

Perhaps sometimes I could be lucky enough to make a right decision for someone when they asked me to, and am sorry if I did not. Though I really do sometimes wonder why would most of you have such faith in me, saying that I make good decisions when I don't really know which direction I am actually heading to.

I have to admit, yes it's true that I am recently bothered by something. I don't think I can just run away from this, pretending like it's not happening, I have promised myself to face it with courage. I have made my decision up but I just don't have the guts to speak out.

This is really hard. This dilemma is bringing me down. I need to breathe.