That feel when.. results come out that all the things you felt.. actually matched to a disorder. Neither shocked nor relieved, but it was just like a sense of conformation that I wasn't going crazy and what I've been feeling all along - I wasn't alone.

Friends who are close to me, which I'm glad they're still here sticking along, had mostly *almost always* asked me "Have you recovered?"  then I would always say, "What does that mean?"

If they meant, "Am I back to where I was before that?" I have to say no, and I never will be. I am not the same person - I was an open book, of being that sunflower girl with her arms stretched so wide that everyone thought she wanted to hug the Earth. I would always wore my heart over my shirt instead of under it. I left her - and her trust, her innocence, her simplicity. I had to in order to survive. What happened has changed me forever.