Love is just an illusion that sets your mind and perceives it in a different way. I used to think that I was in love with you. That you are the one. But I grew up. I learned that just because a guy gives me butterflies doesn't mean I’m meant to be with him. So I guess I just thought I loved you. I guess it was just lust, and I shouldn't be depressed or sad that we ended. But learn from it and move on. You should too.

There is something about you that makes me want to hate you, but I can’t. I.. don’t even know. I can’t explain it. Sometimes you make me so mad even though I know at times you are just messing with me. But sometimes you make me smile and I love it. How a person can impact your life even if it’s only been a short time. That’s so cute, haha.

Met this really cute guy. He had a nice style. Nice everything, oh my god. He gave me his jacket to wear because it was cold. The way he offered it, was so sweet. Then I saw him shiver and asked him he wanted it back, and the way he nodded 'no' and refusing to take it back was so cute haha. Arrgh, I just didn’t like the fact that I was hella bumming it and looked like mess.

Isn't it weird and funny:

• People who you don’t know, read your blog = awesome.
• People you do know who read your blog = terrifying.

I always grieve when I hit the ‘one of those nights’ phase.

You know, that heavy feeling you get, but you just have no idea why. You want to say something, anything, but nothing’s coming out. No matter how hard you try to find the right words. When you’re lying in bed, so tired, but just can’t sleep. So you just have to lie there, and wait for the tears to come out. 

Mr. Nice

I hope one day, I’ll meet a mannered, polite and civilized guy who can be funny. I find it pathetic how our generation is being overloaded with guys who can only talk about sex, ass and boobs. I’m surrounded by guys who only look for girls with a nice ass and boobs. I’d like to meet a guy who can like a girl for them and not for what they look like and look past the ass and tits and see what’s inside. Because let’s face it, I’m not the prettiest girl out there. Someone who can be a gentleman; open doors for me, pays for lunch, and knows how to be the perfect guy. Okay, I'll admit it sometimes guys who have a little bad ass in them can be cute. But if keeping their reputation is their priority.. then I’m pretty sure, y'all would think it would get out of hand. you know what I’m saying? Hmm anyways, it’s just annoying how we’re stuck in this era when sex is all guys think of.

Yesterday I realised what I really needed. I needed you. Lying to myself and making up excuses in my head why we couldn’t be, were the reasons why I wanted to be. I hadn’t cried this long in a long time. I felt as if you shot the bullet that killed me not even feeling my heart beat as it skipped a beat. 

I like people who are straight up. The ones who aren't afraid to voice their opinion, or blunt enough to tell you the truth, even if it will hurt your feelings. It’s definitely a plus to your personality in my book if you’re straight up. I don’t care so much for people who beat around the bush all the time, I’m more of a straight forward and just get to the point type of person.

It’s crazy how one minute you are making all these plans and promises with someone and then the next minute they are out of your life. All it takes is one moment, one word, or one misunderstanding to create a ridiculously large amount of doubts and pain. It’s easy to forget a person, but the words, the feelings, and the anticipations that you two have once built stays forever. It digs holes into your heart, and it simply hurts.

I’ve become a silent person once again.

Enclosing myself away in the shadows that slowly creep up to cover me. When did I become so quiet? When will I learn how to speak out my thoughts physically and mentally? The type of person to shut themselves from everything around them, only to hear nothing but silence and darkness devouring me.

Being too quick to judge will only have you miss out on the right people. Too quick to judge as in when you assumes the worst scenarios when you hear or see something in which you imagine to be unpleasant, and without even giving the person involved a chance to explain the truth, that person is automatically sentenced to death by you, it’s as if the person is dying for a crime they never committed. I don’t know, I just think there are so much things left unsaid and unheard, because so many of us pass up the opportunity of listening to the untold.

FIVE stages of a relationship.

I. The "meet" － when you first meet someone you’re interested in, probably attracted by their outside appearances. Your curiosity kicks in and you have this urge of getting to know them more, on a personal level.

II. The "talk" － you guys start talking, you get to know each other better and slowly, you guys begin to develop feelings. Then you become a part of each other’s daily routine, and your day feels incomplete when you don’t talk to him/her.

III. The "honeymoon" stage － when your relationship gets to a point where you can’t go through the whole day without thinking about your significant other. You get butterflies by the mention of their name, your smile like a idiot while checking their texts, your friends ask you “so who’s this new girl/guy?” because they notice how much happier you have been. After a while, they become the source of your happiness and you try to make time out of your day just so you guys can talk. You both begin to lose a large amount of sleep but it doesn't seem to matter, you guys are satisfied as long as you guys are giving each other company.

IV. Relationship downhill － when you guys are constantly fighting about nothing. You feel as if he/she doesn't care and you try to stop yourself from caring too much. You refuse to be the first to hit them up, yet you check your non-stop hoping for a text/call from them, but always end up in disappointment. You do whatever it takes to keep your mind off of them and try to keep yourself busy, yet you still find yourself wondering if they ever think of you, because all you do is think about them.

V. Strangers, again － when no effort is coming from any of you guys. You feel completely broken, you blame the other person for everything and eventually, both of you stop trying. You finally find the courage to erase them from your life, you tell yourself “I will move on” and hope for everything to get better.

And... in the end, you guys end up as strangers, again.

"You deserved so much better."

This phrase always hit a chord in me..... I then realised.... we so often say this.... in the midst of rejecting others.

I wish I never liked you.

Here's a post I wrote ages ago but have never got the time/feel to post. Now that it has been so many months, it doesn't faze me anymore, nevertheless, I'd love to share x

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I wish I didn’t waste all those times talking to you or thinking about you. I wish I didn’t worry or cared about all the times you ignored me. I wish I never got excited everytime you made me feel special, I wish I never believed every word you said. I wish I never got my hopes high for you. And I wish I never kept trying and trying, knowing I would just go through the same thing. Because in the end, the one that gets hurt isn’t you. It’s me.

I feel as if I am still waiting on my life to start. Eventhough I am living it right now, I feel stuck because I am not doing what I want with my life.

I once was with a guy that told me he didn't like girls that parties and drinks, and he liked me because I was innocent and cute. 7 months later we stopped seeing each other. A week later he dated a girl that parties and drinks. She was the complete opposite of me. I often wonder if he lied about his ideal type the entire time we're together. I was never what he wanted. They broke up after 2 weeks. He came to see me and wanted to start over. I didn't take him back. I knew we were so different. They say opposites attract, but I say opposites also don't last. Similar people also don't last. What will work in the end is only IF you want it to work. My thinking is a lot more mature than how I am being perceived for whatever reason. I honestly think guys don't really see that.. because they don't know the me inside. They see cute and that's all they know.

Mirror, the world I see behind you has become so distant to me. What am I doing with my life? I know who I am, I know where I should be.... but is this all I ever wanted?

I do not want to settle for what I have at the moment.

But how can I feel not so "lost"...?