When you’ve been depressed for so long, there’s no way to tell what feeling okay is like. There is no neutral feeling, only how you have always felt and how miserable it has made you. And after enough breakdowns, there is the overwhelming sense that no matter how much growth you go through, your depression will find you. That feeling is so defeating and fuels the already-present idea of there being no point in trying. There have been too many times that I’ve been completely exhausted and lost and felt like I had no energy to do basic tasks, let alone battle my own head to stay alive.
I’m saying this here because I wish someone said this to me: if you’re fighting through depression, every day you’re alive is an achievement. It’s okay to struggle. You’re not weak for having a hard time with day-to-day activities. It’s okay to not be able to answer texts, or shower, or leave your bed for a period of time. Sometimes just existing is hard enough. I feel you.
Also: whatever your head’s telling you about yourself, you’re powerful and strong and capable of great things.
And you’re not alone. 
Living with mental illness has been mostly a draining fight for me but every time I get through another breakdown, I am always so damn thankful my head didn’t win. You go. I’m proud of you.