Last day of July.

It’s been awfully long since I've written something that I’m proud of. I haven’t been posting much if you haven’t noticed. It’s rare for me to actually write these days, simply because I don’t find a need to. I’ve finally reached that point where my words are shortened when there’s not much to complain or vent about. I think it would be safe to say that I have grown out that stage in my life where I was so used to my emotions overtaking me as a person and that I’m no longer a emotional individual who likes to depend on others to fill the hollowness I feel inside.

These days, after experiencing all the heartbreaking lessons I’ve been forced to learn, I’m numb to an extreme, I’m numb to my feelings, to the people around me and to my surroundings. I pushed people far away. I’m not exactly sure how I got like this or what made me a completely different person than who I was a year or two back but what I do know is I was once too caring, I cared too much only to receive broken promises in return. And quite frankly, I think the best way to not let your emotions get the best of you is to be carefree. Carefree as in letting yourself go — don’t mind the silent whispers others have said about you, don’t mind the perspectives of another when it comes to yourself and don’t be afraid to show who you really are, don’t fight against your feelings, let them out. Cry if you want to, scream if you want to but make sure to pick yourself up afterwards. Take a glance in the mirror to really discover your true self and what is hidden deep within the layers of your skin.

I say this because I know ten, twenty years from now I will reflect back on what kind of person I was at this very moment of time and laugh at myself for always being so over-caring. And it’s stupid, because is that really who I want to be? Twenty years into the future, nobody is going to remember what you wore on a certain day, what you have said in the past or how you were like today because nothing we wear, nothing we say, nothing we do will matter. Twenty years from now, nobody will care about you as much as they used to because they got their own life now. Twenty years from now, the people who once gave you so much to remember will only become a distanced memory, blurry in mind, painless in thought. Twenty years from now, what will be important is how you portray yourself. Either way, it’s never too early to get your priorities straightened out. Don’t mind the people or things that are causing you stress now. You’ll thank yourself later.

Have you ever... let go of someone?

Someone who is special to you, someone you have grown close to over time. A someone, that you argued countless times with. Someone who you try so hard to give up on, someone who you have told yourself a million times you wouldn't talk to ever again, but at the end of the day, you both wouldn't be able to resist the temptation and you would both give in, thus giving each other another chance.
Another chance for the same mistakes.
And finally, when both of you have reached your breaking points, you both are wanting to end it once and for all, but the lingering feelings you guys have are holding you back. And when it comes down to it, that one conversation that would either have you two make up or break up, you have too much pride to tell them to stay, so you let them slip away. Then you end up regretting what you did not do, because you know they would have stayed if you told them to. I’d like to call them, the one that got away.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but when you connects with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realised your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become.

Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself; it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make of your life anything you wish.
Create your own life then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

One thing about me is that I’m a hider.

I tend to hide things. Emotionally and physically. I don’t like talking to people about how I feel because most of the time, I don’t even know how to describe it or what I’m feeling.

When someone ask me what’s wrong, I usually just reply with a “I'm fine" or jokingly brushing it off, smile and change topic. I mean it’s not that I don’t want to tell them, but it’s just because my mind is filled with so many endless thoughts. Thousands and thousands of thoughts that I just don’t know how to explain.

It’s like I’m numb. My feelings are numb. My mouth is numb. My mind is numb. I can’t describe anything because words can’t even explain the way I feel.

I’m here, but I’m not really here. I’m alive, but not really living. I’m exhaling, but not breathing.

Do you ever just want to disappear for a while? I mean, delete everything. Tumblr, Facebook, any other social media sites you have. Erase messages and don’t answer calls. Sometimes I just want to disappear underneath this blanket of stars and get lost somewhere where no one will find me but myself because I think I forgot how to breathe without thinking of others. I forgot how to care for myself without putting others before me. 
And I feel like doing this right now....

I don’t think anyone seriously understands how much I want to escape. It’s like when you’re just too damn freaking frustrated with yourself because you can’t get anything right and that’s how I feel with my life right now. 
I am never going to be perfect or happy and I’m just so angry and sad at the same time. 
I’m tired of it all. 
I don’t want to be here anymore. 
I don’t want to try anymore.

This afternoon.

Just went through all the blog posts I made here. It's always an interesting experience because I forget about certain things that have happened in my life eventhough its only been a few years. As I was scanning through old posts, I felt the need to re-read a couple that stood out at me. There were also some posts where I was so tempted to delete them that I felt needed to go. Ones where I was upset or probably shouldn't have blogged and shared at all... after all, from the start, I have been using this blog more as an online diary. So ya, this afternoon ended up being like a huge reflections exercise to not only see the blog evolve over the last few years but myself included.

I am tired.

• tired of feeling like I put out all the effort
• tired of being walked over
• tired of the bullshit
• tired of being useless
• tired of missing people I used to know
• tired of feeling worthless
• tired of lies
• pretending to be happy
• not being “good enough”
• everything I say is always wrong.
• I’m always the bitch.
• not trying hard enough.

... Just tired of it all.

The future is unravelling itself and the outcome is blurry but whatever it is… I am really afraid.

It’s literally the funniest thing ever when dudes ask me to hook them up with my girlfriends. I'm just like LMAO.. not in a million years!!! I love and respect my girls to death and they are too good for any dude I know. And I know my girls.. Even if I did introduce you all, I PROMISE that you’d be wasting your time because they would not be interested. So puh-lease… Dismiss yourself.

PS. New updates: I did some winter-cleaning in this blog and updated some bits and pieces. So the main ones I updated are:
- "me in a nutshell" page (LINK)
- I haven't been to tumblr and formspring for a very long time and I see all these bundles of similar questions over and over again, sorry for not replying. I have created an ask.fm account in which apparently it's a great platform to ask questions directly or anonymously.
So from now on, I will answer any questions/queries on: ask.fm/shemelon

PEACE xoxo

We all live in a world where everyone is judged by society, looks v.s. personality, and here’s the honest truth. Looks will always come before personality － in the beginning at least. It doesn't matter how great your personality is, the first thing people notice about you will be your looks and you will be judged based on the way you present yourself with your outside appearance. Let’s put it this way, if you were put into a position where you had to choose between someone with a flawless face, a gorgeous smile and a great sense of style OR someone that’s average looking, of course you would pick the person who looks better, no matter how bad of a personality they have, because personality never outshines looks at first glance. The problem with people complaining about how they always go into the wrong relationships, and they always end up hurt by “assholes” or “players” is you have to know it’s you who put yourself into those situations so there’s no one to else to blame for your mistakes. In order to not repeat the same concept, you will just have to open your eyes and look beyond someone’s looks for once, then maybe you’ll find something that will actually be worthy of your time. I’m not saying looks aren't an important quality, it is. Face it, who doesn't want to be with someone that they can show off to the whole world? But what I am saying is, we often pass up on people who have been right in front of our eyes because we never thought of giving them a chance.

PS. This is a post dedicated to one of my close girlfriends x

Love,
Velene xoxo

Before this day comes to an end, I just wanted to dedicate a lil' somethin to my parents.

Although it is my birthday today, I should not have been the star of the show.

21 years ago on this exact day, my parents joyfully brought me unto this wonderful world. And for the past 21 years they had to endure my stubborn, hard-headed, selfish, ignorant demeanor (sometimes I wonder why you guys never disowned me haha) They guided and stayed with me through all the hardships and low lows that I have faced and celebrated the highs.

Mum, thank you for never giving up on me, 21 years ago when you struggled during labour, on those days where I don't listen and when I argue back stubbornly. Thank you for telling me that I am worth everything in this world, that I should be treated like a queen, and that I should never settle for anything less. Thank you for being you, for being someone I will forever look up to.

Dad, thank you for being my role model, for teaching me what life is worth. Thank you for being my biggest fan, through the wins and the fails. Thank you for putting family first, and sacrificing everything you have so that we are happy. Thank you for always believing in me, in my potential to do whatever I wanted to do in life. Thank you for telling me to fight for what I believe in, and to stand up for myself for nothing but the very best. I will always be my "daddy's girl".

my instagram

Once again, this day shouldn't be about me, it's about my mummy and daddy.
I thank everyday that out of all the parents that I have you guys, a perfect match and a perfect plan. Cheers to 21 years of love! I really love you guys :D

Thankyou for those people who messaged me happy bday greetings, I will reply to them soon :)

Love,
Velene xoxo

It's impossible to be loved by everyone.

You can’t be loved by everyone. Why? Because of society. Sometimes you try to be nice and you try to respect everyone around you, but there are those kinds of people who put you down and tell other people that you’re just being fake and you just want something from them. Of course you get hate, it has become a normal thing in life now. You might get hate, but you also get love at the same time.

Early birthday gathering

Today I had an early birthday celebration with my pharmily! Eventhough not all could make it due to work and other reasons, but luckily there were some who came♥
We lunched at Brotzeit  in the 140 Lane Perth. Since I own another blog that dedicates to food and beauty reviews, I have posted a post there.

Check it out HERE!

Enjoy reading!

Have a lovely night y'all! :)

Love,
Velene xoxo

Do you ever wonder about people sometimes?

The ones you've touched slightly but never did they remain in your presence for a long time. I meant those you said “Hi” to when walking in the school hallways, those who went to your birthday parties when you were a kid but never again when you became a teenager, those strangers you met on the street and maybe had a random conversation with. I sometimes think about the people I used to know and talk to. I wonder how they’re doing.

Final choice.

4th July 2015: Though I admit, I said goodbye to you so many times, but today is the day..  Goodbye. Again. For the final time.

Quote of the day: "There are people we can't live without, but have to let go."

The ones who are always the first to start a conversation with you, listens to your problems and even goes as far as continuing after your one word replies, be thankful of them because no one would waste time on someone they don’t care about. 

I don’t believe it when someone says looks don’t matter.

In fact, I think it’s complete bullshit. You can try to tell me otherwise and argue that from your point of view but I mean, looks do and will always matter to a certain point.

For example: have you ever heard someone say I want to get to know him/her because their personality is stunning? Probably not, because when you meet someone, the first clear impression you get of them will be their looks, since I don’t think it’s possible for anyone’s personality to be written out on their forehead.

Truth to be told, in order for you to want to get to know someone on a more intimate level, you have to be attracted to the way they look. But as time go on, it’s the way they present themselves which makes them more appealing. Such as the way they dress, talk or the way they do certain things.

And overall, personality matters the most because you can’t change your personality with your outside appearances.