The hardest thing for me to do is open up to someone about the darkness in my mind and how I’m struggling to deal with everything in my life. I’m used to bottling everything up inside and pretending it’s ok. Yes I’ve had suicide attempts. Yes I’m trying to get better but it’s just so difficult. It hurts so much when I’m finally able to tell someone after drowning on my own my whole life and have them not give a fuck. I’m not in my right mind and I’m telling someone just like how people say I should before I do something I regret and to have you sigh like I’m nuisance saying you don’t want to see or deal with me when I’m like this and that “it’s just life” hurts so much.
But then again maybe you are right and I’m just overreacting.
It’s just life and I’m a psycho bitch for not being able to deal with it. If this is all life is and nothing’s going to change, then I don’t want it. I don’t want to feel anything anymore, I don’t want to deal with it because what they say is false. They say talk to someone you love or care about how you’re feeling and it’ll help. But it’s a lie, I did and I want to die even more after. I’m running out of reasons to keep myself sane. To keep myself me. I honestly don’t think I can be saved anymore.
But then again maybe you are right and I’m just overreacting.
It’s just life and I’m a psycho bitch for not being able to deal with it. If this is all life is and nothing’s going to change, then I don’t want it. I don’t want to feel anything anymore, I don’t want to deal with it because what they say is false. They say talk to someone you love or care about how you’re feeling and it’ll help. But it’s a lie, I did and I want to die even more after. I’m running out of reasons to keep myself sane. To keep myself me. I honestly don’t think I can be saved anymore.
