There are certain types of people, I know these people exist because I was one of them. We want what we can’t get, we chase and chase.

When we finally get what we want, we no longer want it, we get bored, tired. And look for another.

We’ll be forever chasing while what we really need is right under our noses.

For you see, the secret isn’t about finding the perfect person, but being able to be content and commit to one.

To follow my heart or my brain?
(LINK for people who want to read *ps in chinese*)

Meaningful convos > Flirty convos

Flirty and light-hearted conversations are fun at times, but those who actually talk about legit and meaningful stuff, that’s the people who I’m more attracted to.
People who just compliment you and tease you non-stop are those who flirt with everyone they can get their hands on. And that’s not exactly a good impression because you’re just one of the 100 others he/she flirts with.
Therefore people who know what they’re saying and actually talk about worthwhile things regardless of how small or boring it is, are the ones who are keepers. 

There is a difference between "fishing for compliments"... and being "dead set honest".

Believe it or not but sometimes, when I say I look ugly or disgusting, I mean it. No, I’m not expecting you to say "Oh no you’re not!" or anything along those lines. I’m not even expecting a positive response from you. What I’m saying is what I truly think, so don’t assume that when I say I look or feel like shit, that I’m just “fishing for compliments.” There’s a difference. Fishing for compliments is when you continuously say you look like shit when everybody knows that you know that you don’t. Being honest on the other hand is when you occasionally say you look like shit, when in fact, you do. 

Isn’t it amazing how many words you can use to explain the feeling of lost, sadness, depression, despair?
Yet I can only think of one word to describe the euphoria of love.

Love.

Slowly losing passion for everything.

All hopes, dreams, and expectations gone. 
Just like that I wondered where am I really going in life.

Sometimes my own thoughts break my heart.

And then I have to remind myself to lift my chin up and breathe in the world around me; breathe it in so that the hopelessness doesn’t swallow me complete and whole.

It is a game of constant push and pull. My negativity breaks me down, and my inability to accept my fate, keeps me going.

I do wonder sometimes though, if my thoughts would ever bleed and poison into my world.

Breaking point...

Is it bad that I feel the urge to break down and cry about every hour or so? I can just be having a normal conversation and then a person says one word that triggers something in my ever-roaming mind. No, it isn’t hormones... I just have so much in my head, so much going on that I can’t keep up and I’m honestly breaking inside every single day.... I need guidance.... I need closure... I've been too strong for so long... I feel like I'm losing the strength to continue anymore....

I like drinking coffee alone, and reading alone. 
I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone. 
I like eating alone, and listening to music alone. It gives me time to think, and set my mind FREE.
But when I see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with their bestfriend, I realise that eventhough I like being alone, I don’t fancy being lonely. The sky is lovely, but the people are sad. I just need someone who won’t run away.

F A M I L Y♡

FAMILY IS ALWAYS FIRST PRIORITY.
And... sometimes, I tend to forget that. Sometimes, I’m just busily living my social life and putting family second not realising that without family, I’m nothing.
People who take their family for granted and prefer to just worry about friends and their social life. But believe me, family should be your first priority. Because honestly, you can live without friends. You can live without the popularity. But you can not live without the people who put you into this world and who will always love you unconditionally. 

Have you ever met someone?

Have you ever met someone who just puts you in the greatest mood? The person who takes all your worries away and just makes you feel like you’re actually alive? Sounds pretty cliche but you should keep them in your life because they are the type of people you need. They are the keepers.

Time heals all wounds, its true.. or maybe I have just learned to live with or ignore the burning pain it yields. Mind over matter? 

All these people think they know me from what they hear. I hear what you people hear. I sit there and laugh. I could hardly care what goes around, but if you let other people’s judgement cloud over your first impression that has not even occurred and this stops you from getting to know me. Then let it be so. 

I temporarily fall in love with like any guy that's nice to me like the checkout guy at Target told me to “stay dry” this morning because it was raining and I thought about him for like 2 hours after that.

White guys are slick.

So I was at work today and a group of six came in, 4 white guys and 2 white girls. They left after they were done eating. An hour later, one white guy came back and told me his watch was missing. We went to the table he sat in and looked around. We couldn’t find it so I asked for his number just in case we do find it. I wrote down his number and then he goes “I’m gonna be honest with you. I didn’t lose a watch. I didn’t want to say this in front of my friends but you’re really pretty. I just wanted an excuse to come by and ask for your number, but now you have mine so feel free to text me sometime.” 

GOLDEN RULES.

Just a few of the simple things I try to live by each and every day;

Live everyday like it is you last. Do everything that you have wanted to do, say everything that you wanted to say because there is no time for you to be worrying about what could have, should have but didn’t. I say go wild, go crazy but regret nothing. Whatever happened, happened, there is no way you are able to change the past so why worry about it? Is it because people are going to talk? Life is too short to live by what other people have to say about you. At the end of the day who is going to be left by your side? Just you. The people who talk, do they matter to you? No? So why should what they say matter either.

You are who you are because of the past, the better of it and the worst. The past is what makes up you, without it you would not be in the very position you are in today therefore everything happens for a reason. I believe life has this great plan for us, in a funny sort of way. Sure you`ll go past plenty of obstacles, but eventually you will finish the race and get to where you wanted to be. You will only fail if you don’t try. If you give it your best to achieve what you set out to achieve and not exactly reach it. It’s okay, as long as you know that you didn’t give only half of what you got and then failed.

This list could possibly go on and on about how I hold myself up day and day by but I think I will end it here with a simple there is always a rainbow after the rain. 

It was magical while it lasted and I’ll never forget it but..
I’m not dwelling on it anymore. This is it. I have to put a stop to this. I have to stop thinking about you. It’s draining me and I am getting reminded all the time of how immature I was to think that escaping is the solution. I’m moving on to the next chapter.

I admit it, I’m attached to you. Guilty as charged.

Even if we can’t be together in the end, I’m glad you were apart of my life.
How did I let myself get so attached?

Dedications for: twenty-year-olds-ish who have never been loved

All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3am conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack.

This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity.
Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth?

The answer is no. 

The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.

At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past.

For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.

The truth is that there are people out there.. just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate.

They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole.

And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.

Dreams.

They explore your deepest, most inner thoughts, ones that you forgotten, locked away with a key and had thrown away. Ones that you wish you never had. Ones that you were unaware of and had barely given them a thought when awake. Yet I close my eyes and they are so clear to me. I am afraid. 

Are you dreams or are you nightmares? 

Dear blocked numbers,

You seem to call me from time to time. Some days you just call and there is no answer on the other line, other days you call and I’ll be having a vivid conversation to a fellow named ‘Bob.” Then I get those odd days where you like to call me at 4 in the morning; and every word that comes out of your mouth is dirty as fck!

I just want to know who you are, AND HOW'D YOU GET MY NUMBER!