Imagine what your life would be like if you didn’t let go of any of the people you were afraid to let go of. You would be so small. Growth comes from movement, from stepping away from what you know. Every person that you had to let go of is pushing you forward by not being there. 

I'm not one of those girls.

I’m not one of those girls that gets all the attention. The perfect body, the perfect smile, the cute voice. I’m not one of those girls that are good at hiding their flaws, the ones that are good at sweet talks and flirting.
I’m not one of those girls that has the nice style and the nice looks.
I’m one the girl that tend to be really insecure about themselves. The girl that’s always in the corner hiding, I’m the girl that’s scared to show others' her real self. 

I think everyone needs a friend who is that one contact in your phone that you wouldn't hesitate to call when you’re laying in bed with millions of thoughts rushing through your head. A friend who you don’t have to talk to on the daily basics or see them as often, but you guys both know that you can go to each other for anything.
And I'm so glad I don't have just one, but four friends who are there :')

The "Attached" Stage.

I hate it when you get too attached to someone.
So attached to them that you start having feelings for them, and next thing you know you love them. But you never have the guts to ever tell them because you’re scared they won’t feel the same way. But when they have a new person in their life, you regret not telling them. After that you start to give up on that one special person because you’ve been ignored by them. A little while later, you start thinking about how much you loved that person and then the feeling of regret comes back to you.
Always remember, making the first move might turn into the best move you will ever make.

Honestly.

The decisions I make in my life are nothing for you to take into consideration, because clearly none of them concern you. My decisions are based on reasons that you’re obviously too ignorant to even bother understanding.

Is it just me or is it so cute when you see someone who has been single for so long, finally settle down with someone great and they seem to be completely in love. I don’t know, I find that so adorable!

I grew out of “I never text first” phase since I realised nothing was wrong with showing someone you care about them more than your pride. But if I have done it repetitively all the time and I can see you don't give a care, then f**k you, you're outta my life.

I don't open up easily.

Unless I am close to you. The only time I will express myself is when I’m angry. I can’t put my thoughts and feelings into words. I hate it when people ask me to be more open because I can’t, I don’t know how to. And this is mainly why I screw everything over because people never really know how I feel. Even my mum gets mad at me because I don’t show emotion and talk about my “feelings” unless I’m mad.

My dad told me once to never date anyone who talks smoothly around you from the start because if someone likes you they should be a little nervous and honestly I think that’s some of the best advice anyone has ever given me.

Self-absorbed, self-focused, selfish people hurt people.

If you are the most important thing to you, hells yeah you may get what you want all the time but you’ll lose people. Relationships of value take putting others needs before your own sometimes. By always putting yourself first you show what and who is most important. Don’t be that person. You’ll ultimately be the one who misses out. They’ll go find someone who does care and move on past your crap.

I don’t want to be judged by others, but yet I still put myself out there. I don’t want to disappoint others, but at the same time I want to do what I want to do. I don’t want to get hurt, but yet I still want to be loved and to give love.

I’ve been so torn between a lot of things. My heart has been heavy. Still.

I’m constantly wearing this mask to hide how I really feel. It’s just easier to smile than to explain why you’re sad. It’s easier to hide your crying with hysterical laughter. But the truth of it all is that all you want is for someone to come and rescue you, but they just never show up.

It’s not hard to tell who your true friends are.

Rather than being jealous, true friendship is a manifestation of being proud and genuinely happy for each other when good things happen. True friendship flaunts selflessness; you get what you give, and that includes being there for each other during the highs and lows. True friendship is being honest and letting each other know that there’s a problem and fixing it without announcing it to the world.

“Best friends” is just a title. There’s no meaning behind it if you can’t act like one. Step outside your shoes and be more aware that your self-indulgence is a bit taxing.

In other words… your need to be the center of attention is annoying as shit and you’re a horrible friend lol, please reevaluate yourself. 

Don’t know how I expect to not be a huge disappointment to others when I’m even a huge disappointment to myself.

Wow my negative thoughts are so prevalent during the daytime that at night, I’ll have dreams so vivid about them and I’ll wake up wondering whether or not they actually happened.

I hate that feeling of needing someone because depending on someone sets you up for pain. but god, how I need someone to be there for me. right now.

When I date someone at this point in my life. I’m not dating them just to say I’m dating someone. I’m dating them with the intent to build, progress and have a romantic partnership. If somewhere along the lines it doesn’t work out, fine. But they’ll never be able to say I didn’t try to grow with them.

In 10 years, I wonder who is still going to be by my side.

I hate when people talk to you on facebook, text, etc. but when they see you in person it’s a whole different story. They walk by you like they don’t know you when you clearly saw them look at you. They can’t even say hi or anything. You can’t even talk to me in person but you can talk to me behind a computer screen?

Sometimes... when I think, I feel like I’m missing something.

But then I realise I am actually missing something.

I don’t understand what’s so bizarre about the concept of a girl not wanting to be in a relationship because she’d rather focus on other things. Since when did falling in love, getting married, and having kids become prerequisites for a happy life and a successful future?

To be honest, I was a very dependent person before uni. When I got to uni, I grew to the stage where I become more independent and I've been growing up to be that someone who knows how to do things on her own, and not relying on others. I mean who says I can’t be happy without it? It’s not like I don’t have healthy relationships in other areas of my life. I've got great friends and a family that cares about me.

I mean I believe that some people are meant to be together, get married, and end up having a family.
But even if that wasn't me, I’d be fine with that too.

And I hope that you’re okay. I hope that wherever you are right now underneath this vast sky, you’re doing well and you’re happy. I hope you’re finding reasons to smile, to inhale and exhale, to sleep, to wake up, and to be happy.

I don’t open up that quickly. I’ll probably bore you to death with my constant how are you’s. But I truly want to know how you are doing. “I’m okay” won’t suffice. So stay, and I’ll open myself up to you.

Do you ever miss someone that was once everything to you? Someone you shared everything with. Promised to always love and cherish? Do you ever randomly think about them, like you’re just drinking coffee or out with friends and you read something or someone says something, anything and you’re drawn back to barely breathing and screaming because your body aches from the sheer fact that they’re gone and not coming back? And... You just don’t know how to handle it?

One word replies.

What the fck? When I write you a decent paragraph and when I am actually putting effort into keeping up a good entertaining conversation, I’d expect you do the same. Don’t you dare just "k" or "lol" or "haha" me bitch after I write you something that I want you to actually respond properly to. The moment when you give me a one-worded reply, I will immediately stop talking to you. It just means that you either don’t want to talk to me or you’re just boring as hell and have nothing good to say because you’re an old boring fart. Reply back with a sentence or better, something that I can reply back to. Jeeez.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt because I know I’d want them to do the same for me - but I’m also smart enough to know the difference between being open-minded and being plain naive. You can only believe in someone for so long before you realise they’re not at all what you thought they’d be, no matter how hard you wish otherwise. 
At that point, you just have to move on and forget about it.

You know, I sat there wondering if you missed me when I realised I gave you no reason to.

When it comes to people who have a marked spot in my life, their slightest action and words will be forever noticed by me, whether they know it or not. Yeah, I guess it’s safe to say that I’m an quite observer. I notice everything, but I just don’t say anything.

I worry less about certain things because I realised that it doesn’t matter and it never did. I don’t jump to conclusions because that only brings me down. I try not to think of the what if’s because all that matters is what's here. Right now. I used to come up with stupid reasons/excuses to get mad and I hated it. Now, if I catch myself getting mad about something, I think to myself, is it just in my head? And most of the time, it is, so I let it go.

The past few months have been refreshing. I see a different perspective on things, of people, and of myself. Things are new and different and I like it a lot. Not really sure where this post is going.. But I just hope that if you’re reading this… that you think about how things are in your life and what you can do to change it for the better. Sometimes, all it takes is the smallest change and it makes the BIGGEST difference. I just hope that this can help you think about it and hopefully feel a little more at ease with things. You deserve it.

I just wanna say that I’m so glad how things be working out for me like no matter how bad things go in life and how bad my depression breaks me down and feeling like dying, I manage to get to a point where I can be happy and not stress over things that don’t matter.

You know what turns me on? Effort. Assurance. Show me you care. That you really want me. I’m tired of doubting whether people are coming or going.

Sometimes I tend to think about my past a lot. I mean everyone does, right? You start thinking about what you’ve been through with your life. Reminiscing everything. Then you start to regret. Asking yourself all this questions. Why did I do this and that? Why him? Why her? After that, you get sad and depress. You end up crying because you miss those days back then. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything and you can’t go back. Because all there’s left is nothing but memories.

And... happy 1st of June everybody :) x