I think you just know when it’s just not right. As much as you hate to admit it because you just want for once a guy to actually like you and give you a chance, you know it just will not happen. And I think what the worst part of it is that you are left torturing yourself and wondering whether you’re gonna be single for the rest of your life. Seeing couples around wherever you go, it’s cruel. You question, “why can’t that happen for me?” And you sigh and wish they’d shut up when your friends start talking about their amazing love life. But the truth of it all is that you’re just jealous and desperate to be loved as much as you are willing to love him. You know it’s not good to be jealous, but you can’t help it. You’re only human and with your past, you are bound to feel that way. But the one and only thing you have to hold on to is that one day it will happen. It may not be today but someday. And you keep replaying this in your mind, reassuring yourself that things will be okay. You just feel like you’re on a roller coaster going round and round in a circle. Thoughts and emotions rushing round and you feel the lowest you’ve ever felt. But somehow, somewhere deep inside your heart, you have the strength to carry on, and hold tight to that hope of one day being truly happy and being with someone who makes you genuinely happy and who loves you exactly how you wanted to be loved all along.
