“How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn't they paralyse us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?” - Don DeLillo

Adult realisation: you will make mistakes, you will act irrationally. You will commit some wrongs that cannot be fully righted. People will dislike you and misunderstand you for all sorts of reasons. None of these make you a bad person. All you can do is try your best to be kind and just grow and learn.

Don’t invalidate people’s struggles because you’ve been through worse. If someone is tired after working for 6 hours and you worked for 8, it doesn’t mean that they’re not allowed to be tired. It doesn’t mean they can’t feel what they’re feeling just because you’ve had it worse.

Naps are the worst kind of temptation.. They promise you rest and wellness but leave you with a cloudy headache and an inescapable drowsiness the rest of the day.

Constructive criticism is good criticism, remember that.

I started thinking today, and I realised how many great people are in my life.

And it’s not to say that the great people can completely erase all of the people who make me feel bad or all of the crap situations I have to deal with, but they make them better.

Because at the end of the day, at least someone’s there. At least there are people who try to make me happy and who like to be with me.

At least there’s something like that to give me faith :)

Today while I was thinking about life, it suddenly hit me how long it is. People say life is short, and sure in the long run it might feel like that. But as I was contemplating the fact that the average lifespan is about 80 or 90 years, I thought, “How will I possibly live until then without getting bored? I have already endured so much. If I endure five times more than I already have, I will surely go insane, either from boredom, or from pain, or even both.”

But the only thing I really want out of life is to feel like there is a purpose. How do people live their entire lives without not wanting to die? I am not saying this in a morbid or, “life sucks I really don’t want to live anymore” way. It’s just that, from now on, I want my goal to be this: I never want to be bored with life as a whole. I want there to always be something that excites me. And when I look back at my life, I want to be able to say that I loved it wholeheartedly - the good parts and the bad. 

I want to be a better me.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and dislike who I see or anything. I have just decided that it is time for another milestone in my development.

As most of you know, for the past 2 months, I was really stressed out with the situations and events that have occurred in my life, I find myself being unusually frustrated and hopeless. And I don’t want to be any of those things. I take pride in being a bundle of good vibes and good energies – and being those things make me feel uncomfortable.

I’ve always been the person who people come to, and still do to talk about their problems, or just to have a good talk. Always have been the bubbly, optimistic, and happy person I have been. I believe I am still that person, but there has been situations where I used to be able to ignore these negativity feels and focus on the good to where I have been a “savage”. I apologise because I’m realizing that’s not me. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m not perfect and I’m far from it. I realise that my past experiences in life and things I’ve been through have made me the way I am, and I’m trying to change it for the better.

The fact is, it seems, that the most you can hope for is to be a little less, in the end, the creature you were in the beginning, and in the middle. I am kind, and humble enough to know that I am simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday. Today I am grateful for all the people that are loving and kind to me.

It feels good to know that my future is in a better place than it was a couple months ago. I’m making great strides towards something big that will not only reward me, it will reward the ones around me in a big way.

When you feel empty, you should do something for yourself. Because the last time I felt this way was when I realised I started living for everyone else. Inattentively. I know it sounds cliche but crap happens. We get distracted by things, whatever it may be, you start to lose perspective, feeling empty and alone. Do things you have to and not because you want to. It just makes you feel like you’re running on empty. So start doing something for you, something that would strictly be exciting. 

I know what it feels like. I know how it feels to love someone so much that you start to believe that you love them more than the way they love you. You constantly feel like you are the only one putting in any effort, and the only one that wants to spend time with them. They do not show you enough, they do not tell you enough, and that is what makes you over think situations. I know how it feels to love, but I also know what it feels like to feel like you are the only one giving it your all and the only one that loves the most. I know what it feels like because I’ve been through it too. 

Meh.

Thinking back, I realised so many of the relationships in my life lack much substance, and I crave so much more. I used to think it was just the people that I associated myself with and that eventually the right people will gravitate into my life, but now I’m thinking that I suck and it’s my own doing for not nurturing my relationships the way that they should be tended to.

I love the fact that I am comfortable enough to be alone. I don’t waste my time trying to seek affirmation from people who don’t care. I don’t mess with people who don’t put in effort. I don’t need other peoples’ presence to feel whole. You want to leave? The door is open.

There’s a lot of unspoken pressure to keep liking the things you used to like and to keep dressing the way you’ve always dressed and to never question what you believe in and basically “be yourself” has slowly morphed into “be what everyone knows you as” but trust me when I say if you just give it up and simply make decisions and take actions based purely on what would make you happy, you’ll gain a very comforting sense of self peace.

Advice.

If there’s one advice I could give to anyone, it’d be that you shouldn’t let anyone tell you what to do. Never let anyone define you as a person. Not your best friend. Not your significant other. Not even a family member.

I always stress the phase, “be yourself.” Because it’s true, you SHOULD be yourself. Why should you live your life to satisfy others when they (probably) aren’t doing the same for you?
The thing that I’ve witness about humans would be that they always want to shape those around into people who just like themselves. But what’s a world with no originality?

Being yourself should never be crime. It should never be shunned and it should never be bashed on. You were born into this world to either 1) make a difference or 2) be the difference.

And in all honesty, ever since I accepted myself, I’ve lived a better life. Even if it meant leaving behind the ones who couldn’t accept me, for me.

"If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what. So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions."

Tip of the day: It's okay to be alone.

Over a period of time, you will realise the people around you, have to leave, by choice or by death. Whether you like it or not, you have to face things alone.

It's okay to be alone. Sometimes I put in my earphones, have my favourite playlist blasting all day long and just forget the world and its happenings.

It's okay to be alone. We do need friends and companions. But reserve some quality time for yourself.

It's okay to be alone. Being alone is healthy. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by others.

It's okay to be alone. We all have that particular time where we really need to be alone.

Being alone simply means happily alone, not miserably alone. There is no better time than now for you to allow yourself to be happy. It is time to embrace yourself and all that you have to offer.

Be alone; give yourself the chance to learn about yourself, expand your soul and allow yourself to grow. Enable each chapter of your life to help you become a better you.

But remember to walk out of that me space when you've had enough of alone-time.

Sometimes it is a lot easier to write out how you feel than to tell someone about it.

The older you get, the more you understand how your conscience works. The biggest and only critic lives in your perception of people's perception of you rather than people's perception of you.

When I say I am ugly.

I’m serious.
At times, don’t get me wrong, I think I’m a bit decent looking. But overall, I think I’m so unattractive. I’m not fishing for compliments. They’re so many stunning girls, I can’t even compare. Whatever they do, whether it’s making silly faces, pooping, anything, they’re still pretty while doing it. Fuck. I wish I was more appealing. Honestly. 

Can something last forever?

Is it really possible for someone’s feelings to always stay the same for someone else? Can the things you want to stay permanent, stay the way it is forever? Can we promise something that involves “forever” and not break it? Or is the word “forever” just a term to describe what you want but probably won’t end up getting? 

Today I met him at a little bookshop.

He had the most glistening beautiful brown eyes. A man with intellectual thoughts and wisdom. He was well mannered, yet unexpected. What was it that made him stand out? Was it the accidental fate of meeting him at a bookshop? Or was it the fact that he enjoyed reading?
It was both.

"It's okay."

I have the tendency to always say this when someone apologises to me. Even when it’s not okay, I still say it. Why? Because I don’t want to push the situation further and further. I don’t want to make it worse than it has to be. But you know what? It’s not okay. What you did, it’s not okay and I’m not gonna pretend that it is anymore. I know that sometimes it’s best to forgive and forget, but sometimes maybe it’s best to just forget.

My friend and I were talking about how we’re both depressed and she was saying how the only real distraction and ultimately the only thing that makes anything worthwhile is harbouring intimate and honest relationships not just with lovers who but with friends and she’s right. Feeling and experiencing love and all the things it entails, is the only distraction that makes living feel worthwhile.

Before I die, I want to finish what I have started.

I want to live until I am fully satisfied and tired of living. I want to finish university and be successful. I want to live to see my first child in my arms. I want to cry. I want to smile. I want to hurt. I want to feel. I want to love and hate. I want to feel all of me before I am gone. I want to tell everyone what I have always wanted to tell them. I want to write letters. I want to explore. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to help other people. I want to be the light that would make them open their eyes to positivity. 
I want to make a difference. I want to leave a legacy.

Be there for yourself.

Because at the end of the day, you’re always going to be alone. You have nothing but yourself. The people that say they’ll always be there for you when you need them, isn't always going to be there. And the ones who say they will never hurt you, probably will. That’s exactly why you should never depend or rely on anyone else but yourself. You have no one but you. You’re on your own.

1st of November!

When something is over, it can never start again.

When something is broken, you can never put back the pieces together.

Life is not always the way you want it to be.

When you know that something hurts you so much, just stop. We know that it hurts a lot but you must learn to let it go.

Don't push yourself too hard, because we all know that in every ending there's such a thing that we call.. a "NEW BEGINNING".