I'm hard to understand.

I really am. I get so confusing when it comes to what I want, and whenever something is wrong. I can never set my mind straight. Sometimes, my mind is blank. Being a confusing person can lead to so much problems. I’m hard to understand, hard to handle, and I’m just very hard to deal with.

I don’t think we really fully heal from it.

The pain will always come back and haunt us, angering us again. Just like a cut, once fresh, but through time it sheds new skin, to only become a scar - not the clean piece of skin that it was before. We never really heal. Pain forever changes people. No one is ever the same after hurting.

If you're trapped between your feelings and what other people think are right...  always go for whatever makes you happy!

w/r/i/s/t/s

Do you remember when you were a child and you thought that when you became a teenager, when you became older, you would party every night until 3 am? It's quite ironic because little did you know that at 3 am, you'd be hysterically crying debating whether to take your life or not. 

Every time someone tells me I am listed as their favourite blogger, I become this speechless shadow in shock.

It’s an amazing feeling when people actually take their time to go through your blog and read what you have to say. A page full of thousands of thoughts to be heard.

I get all these little cute butterflies and I don’t know how much to thankyou all for just hearing me out. It’s great to know that there are people out there who can relate, and just take their time out to listen.

What does happiness feel like?

I don’t remember anymore.

I don't know what to do.

Life has been hell and that isn’t some exaggeration to be taken lightly; although I know others have it much worse. But everyone has their own set of dilemmas and troubles to deal with. Some in which consume us at this unknown rate and makes us believe that nothing really matters anymore.
We can say we don’t care as much as we want, but I believe we do even in some slight way. Because it gets to us one way or another. Whether it’s frustrating moments or trying to play it cool like nothing phases you. Although the situation we’re in usually wins. It wins because even for a short instance, the thought of that idea may bother us to some extent or even make us take certain actions. There are forces in this world where we cannot work against but to only work with. It’s like trying to fight the current and you’re only bound to get caught up in the midst of it all. Some of us are able to break loose and some of us get lost in the process. As long as you have some direction in your life, you’ll be okay. And for those who drift off, just let them. We cannot always hold onto the things we love and cherish the most; for they eventually leave us. And in the end, we’ll all end up in one of the two places. So let it all be worth while because we’ll most likely never be here again.

I really am so glad to see you’re happy now…

Yet I’m just here, alone, feeling sorry for myself…

If I told you I still needed you, would you come back to me?

- trying to get it together -

You can just ignore this.

I’m so tired..... all the time.
I could sleep through a whole entire day and probably another one if I didn’t have things to do. It’s exhausting being awake. It’s constantly exhausting trying to focus on what people are saying but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me and that’s probably the worst part. Because I can’t even explain myself to others around me. Or even to myself. It feels as if my head is barely above water and it terrifies me. Because I don’t know what I’ll do when I finally lose this fight. Who I will hurt. Who I will destroy, simply because I can. I hate the cold heartless side of me. She’s a fucking bitch who doesn’t care about the repercussions of the things she does. She’s a monster. And she is me.

Welcome to the deep dark corners of my mind that I could never speak out loud.

1st of Feb

Surround yourself with people who love, support and help you strive for the better. Nothing worse than being around people who put you down and mentally ruin you. Blessed to have the people who have stuck by me through all the hard times. If I haven't message you for a long time, that just mean you're cut out of my life, I do not need your negative vibes.

I’m on the road to recovery, nothing but positivity from this journey onward!

Career focused.

My only goal and plan this year.

Driven.