I find comfort in knowing that people who I’ve cut out of my life are left with this version of me that simply doesn’t exist anymore. The memory and image of me that they have isn't who I am, and I’m happy that it’s that way. I’ve changed and grown and they won't ever get the chance to know the better version of myself that I’ve become during their absence.

I like sleeping.

Why?
Because when I’m sleeping, I can’t feel pain, I don’t get hurt, I can’t hear anything, see any physical things. I’m in my own world, my own dreams, the best parts about dreams are, you can stop them whenever, you can wake up and it’s all over.

Have YOU ever wondered....

what your purpose in life is? How life is going to change in ten, twenty, thirty years? How your life would be like right now if you were to make different choices, decisions, or if you could turn back the hands of time to fix your share of mistakes? And why is that everyone else around you seems to know what to expect for the future, but you haven’t even figure out what is it you want yet?

.................................

Because I have and too often, I lose myself in the process of finding myself.

I ALMOST THREW UP!!! | Bean Boozled Challenge | 3rd Edition Box | thebea...

I have completely lost myself.

I thought I’d get better when things got better last month. But if anything I’m suffocating more now. I don’t know who I am anymore. Like who I truly am. In front of people I pretend to be fine, happy. But reality is I cry at least three times a day alone. I just want to stop drowning, to stop feeling this all the time and not just short term. I don’t want to be surrounded by people, yet I don’t want to be alone either. I don’t trust anyone and I don’t even know who’s really there for me and who I can really rely on. I just want to escape myself.

You can't see this hell I'm lost in because all I do is laugh.

And in a way, I don't want you to notice. You're too good for my problems.

But I'm still screaming for you to save me. I'm still crying for help right in front of you.

.... can't you see me?

deadly.

What is more deadly?

A gun or a thought?

...............

A gun gives you the opportunity but a thought pulls the trigger...

I used to be so nice.

But you know what? Shit gets to you. You get tired of being fucked over countless of times. You get tired of people walking all over you. You get sick of being labelled “too nice”. You get fucking sick of doing so much for people but not being appreciated for it. Fuck being nice, all people ever do is take advantage of you. 
Yeah, I’m a bitch because the world made me this way.

It’s literally the worst feeling in the world not being able to have the person you want physically there with you all the time. I hate distance I hate feelings I hate getting attached I hate everything.

Sometimes I get nostalgic randomly like when I’m in the shower and I catch the aroma of my new bottle of shampoo which was the same kind I used 3 years ago and it reminds me of those times and it makes me realise how much things have changed since then, like who I chill with and what I think of myself and it makes me kinda sad.

Fears, what made me cry and tattoos? | TMI Tag!

Starting March with me answering 50 weird and possibly interesting questions that you probably don't know about me! Check it out below and I hope you enjoyed learning a little bit more about me! smile emoticon
Thumbs up this video if you would like to see more Q&A videos! 
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PS. I haven't actually inform here on my main blog (for those who only follow me here), but I have joined in the YouTube wagon last month :) Follow on a journey with me, let's empower each other and live a better life :) #survivingeachday

I feel like I have done a lot today. That I’ve ticked everything off on that to do list for the day. Eventhough this is just something so small, it feels like the beginning of something monumental in my life. 

One step at a time. 

Life is getting back on track.