To travel is better than to arrive.

There are many different types of paths you can take in life leading up to where you might want to end up, but if you have chosen your path, that doesn’t mean you should abandon all the others.
Life isn’t about reaching an end, it’s what happens along to way that counts.
To stumble, to fall, to create memories along the way. It’s your journey which matters, not the destination. And it’s never too late to go back and rewrite history, if someday you find that somewhere in your heart you wanted to take a different path to where you should be, where you are destined to be.

Lost love shouldn’t be considered a painful chase, but a stage of self-improvement.

We are just experiencing life itself through losses and gains. We have all loved someone, we were once loved by someone, we have hurt before and we have been hurt by others.

Joy, frustration, disappointment, longing and waiting are just emotions given to make you understand what you lose or gain isn’t important. You have to live either way.

What’s important is you have grow up from your experiences, your life is no longer a bottomless pit, it is an adventure full of undiscovered treasure. Everything is different now than how it was before. Everything is ever changing, although nothing is everlasting.

We fall in love with people who don’t love themselves, maybe because we think we could be someone’s missing piece. Perhaps that’s narcissistic, to think we are another individual's antidote for existence, and perhaps it’s the all too human need to be needed.

Shoutout to everyone trying to get their life together. Working on yourself is the hardest part of life. Keep going, no matter where you are x

I'm obsessed with my space and alone time so if i wanna spend time with you or talk to you consistently, just know you’re special.

As of lately, I feel as if my self-esteem isn’t up to par anymore. I used to be so into my own world, seeing beauty in everything and everyone and just being an all-around positive person. I need to work on being that person again and constantly reminding myself that everyone has their own struggles when I feel discouraged. I’m no better or worse.

Nutshell of 2018 so far:

loving myself so much that it’s ok if nobody else does.

2:22am

I’m learning to be grateful for situations that may not seem ideal given the circumstances. Despite the drawbacks, finding gratitude in what seemed to be shitty situations has really opened up my mind to see blessings that I would’ve disregarded had I continued to ruminate on negative thoughts.

If I ever stop talking to you and remove you from my life, I hope you understand how hard it was for me. I have a bad habit of holding onto the little bit of good in people, no matter how bad they clearly are for me. So if I don’t feck with you anymore, it’s because you pushed me past my limits.

I’m at a point in my life where I’m realising that no matter how much I love you and how long I’ve known you for, if we can’t have a meaningful conversation together, then there’s no depth in the relationship and no growth. I don’t have time for shallow friendships and relationships anymore, where I have to constantly feel like I’m exuding so much of my energy for nothing.

I feel like when people ask for advice, there’s a 99% chance that they already know what they want.. they just need that extra push to build up their courage.

It’s important that you keep your feelings and your self worth in different places because when feelings get hurt it shouldn’t change how you view yourself.

In life, there will be many things that will take you by surprise. It’s like you think you’re heading towards your destination but end up somewhere least expected. When that happens, you owe it to yourself to be selfish and take control of your happiness…no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts.

- but fake happiness is still the worst sadness.

hearing something that kills you inside but having to act like you don't care.

Just tired.

Tired of being constantly not ok.

Tired of smiling to people even though I feel like crying myself to exhaustion.

Tired of lying that I’m fine.

Tired of people lying to me.

Tired of people pretending that they care.

Tired of feeling so much and nothing at the same time.

Just tired.

People who walk out of your life at your lowest points are the people that need to stay gone. Ain’t no reconciling nothing.

The audacity of people to take advantage of my kindness and patience. Now I gotta raise hell and I don’t even have the energy for that.

As you get older, you realise that you’re not always right and there’s so many things you could’ve handled better, so many situations where you could’ve been kinder and all you can really do is forgive yourself and let your mistakes make you a better person.

I just have this persistent feeling of “I’m not doing enough” combined with “I don’t have the energy to do anything” and it just really fecking sucks.

I think people underestimate the strength it takes to remain strong and optimistic when everything is tearing you down.

I’m at a point in my life where I just don’t care anymore so if you stress me out I’m just not gonna deal with you anymore.

Sometimes I have too many emotions and sometimes I have none at all but I always feel like I'm drowning.

shoutout to my favourite coping mechanism,

isolation.

dead inside

Do you ever notice yourself getting bad again, like, you know you’re not doing work that needs to be done, you know you’re not cleaning, you know you’re not taking care of yourself… you know all the things you need to do to start trying to feel better. But you just can’t. And you’re left feeling like sh*t because you thought you were getting better but here we are.

kind of there

One of the worst moments in life is probably when you’re in a room full of people and you look around and see them all talking and laughing and all of sudden you feel so sad and lonely that you can even feel a physical pain in your chest because you realise that they all belong to someone and they all have someone who belongs to them and you don’t, you’re just kind of there.

“6 months from now I will be in a different situation.”

Speak it into existence.

If only my heart were as cold as I pretend it is, maybe I could get over this.

I wanted to write something but I did not know what

I wanted to say something but I did not know what

I wanted to talk to someone but I did not know who

I wanted to listen to everyone’s advice but I did not know how

I wanted to go somewhere but I did not know where

I wanted to die but I did not know when

I wanted to hurt somebody and I knew who

Myself.

this hits hard

There’s a difference between being happy and being distracted from sadness.

Isn’t it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings

l-o-n-e-l-y

You ever have those nights that make you feel incredibly lonely despite knowing you have people who care about you? And for some reason you just want to lay in bed and not associate with anyone or do anything even though you know it’ll make yourself feel less that way.

Personal growth isn’t about becoming a different person, it’s about fundamentally changing how you interact with who you already are.

23.

Most important lesson I learned in the past year is, don’t let anyone turn you cruel.
No matter how badly you wanna give the world a taste of its own bitter medicine.
It’s never worth losing yourself over.

“no one can truly love you until you love yourself”

Can we all come together and agree that the saying “no one can truly love you until you love yourself” is trash.
Loving yourself takes time, and it isn’t always easy.
Know that there are people out there who love you, even when you struggle to.

balance.

In your 20’s find a balance between hustle and rest. You don’t need to have a love life or a soulmate figured out. Go travel the world. Battle your demons. Set up a business, find people who value your heart and yours will attract. Don’t live in the past, you have so much more to see.

count your blessings.

If you’re ever lucky enough to find and meet someone who loves you whole heartedly, don’t take advantage of that person’s kindness. Maybe you feel like it’s not enough for you, or maybe you feel like it’s not a big deal to you. But I guarantee you, you won’t ever meet another person who will love and care for you as much as that person does. And once you lose them, it’ll be too late.

be strong.

Sometimes you’re not gonna have support from anyone. Keep going anyway. You’re strong enough to make it.

Look:

The right people will get it.
The right people will see you and appreciate you for the person that you are.
The right people won’t require you to dilute, censor, or edit yourself in order to be worthy of their time and affection.

You don’t need to waste your time on people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

Self-care

- enjoy a long, hot shower after an exhausting day
- avoid or cut toxic people out of your life
- have a nice, lengthy nap to rejuvenate
- go on a sky watching or star gazing
- take a break and unplug on social media
- unfriend/mute toxic people on the internet
- go for a walk or a jog on the park
- reconnect with your good old friends
- take your dog/pet for a walk
- enjoy the sun for a couple of minutes
- do a random act of kindness
- have a quick movie marathon
- try to do something that you used to love
- listen to your favorite songs when you were a kid
- artist or not, try painting your feelings
- for a day, try de-cluttering your thoughts and stop overthinking
- go on a window shopping (even without buying anything)  

still care

I still care and I still wonder if you’re doing well and it’s so frustrating because it’s no longer my place to ask, or even to know. But I always wish you the best and I hope that you’re taking care of yourself. I hope you’ve found things that make you happy and I hope you’ve figured out your purpose in life.. I just hope that you’re happy. 

you either evolve or repeat old patterns.

surround yourself with people who make you want to do better. those who meet you halfway and teach you healthier ways to share space. it’s rare that you find good people, honor that occurrence. don’t let your ego sabotage these connections. you either evolve or repeat old patterns.

the real advice.

To be honest, the real advice I’d give to anyone is, do sh*t alone. Go to a museum and go at your own pace and leave the instant you’re done. Go somewhere you’ve never been and just wander around, duck into and out of places as it pleases you. Linger as long as you’d like.

keep going

It's kind of cool to think how someone somewhere is having the best day of their life today. Someone’s hearing “i love you” for the first time today.
Someone’s gonna meet the love of their life today.
Someone’s gonna get the job of their dreams today.

It’s someone’s best day today. And guess what bish? Tomorrow it could be your best day so keep going!

forgive yourself.

forgive yourself.

Whether you fail a test, eat too many cookies, say the wrong thing, fail a class, or spend a whole day in bed — learn to forgive yourself. The next day will be better. The next day will be a day closer to your next success. 

You can do it.

Friendly reminder.

Without failing at one thing, there won’t be an opportunity to try again, learn, and grow. Life isn’t static but dynamic. Learn to embrace whatever situation you may face and strive to overcome. Believe in yourself, knowing your best is yet to come.

Have you ever just wanted to leave. Run away. Run far far away. And start new somewhere else. Start fresh. Begin again. Purely because you’re fed up. You’re bored. You’ve exhausted your time where you are. And the possibility of being somewhere else alone, creating again it’s just the thing that seems to keep you from falling apart.

12:30am rant

can’t sleep so here’s my occasional half past midnight rant that’s currently occupying my mind

why throw away a relationship that was so good and pure and now it’s awkward to even text a hi? like do people not care about a friendship dying? hello and ya it can be my fault too but when I try to re-kindle it just doesn’t work out?? like do you not care about the memories we had?? sigh we both know so much about each other and now they just linger at the back of our minds like what do I do with them now and yes people change but we were once friends so what makes u think we can’t still be friends now

also I haven’t been on blog a lot recently lol all my posts have been queues so hi

When I was younger,

when I first heard about suicide, I was shocked. I didn’t know why anyone would kill themselves on purpose. All I can say now is, it’s funny how fast things can change..

It feels good to cry or have a few tears in my eyes from time to time. Whether it was brought up from heartache it doesn’t matter but it just lets me know I still feel inside. That I haven’t thrown away emotions and feelings altogether because it just causes too much pain. 

Sleep eludes me.

I’m not too sure why I am suffering from insomnia so often these days. Maybe it’s because I didn’t plan my night accordingly, stay up on the phone till 3 in the morning till I eventually dose off in conversation or watch a couple of old dramas in which may bore me to sleep.

I do this so to avoid lying awake in bed with just my own thoughts tossing and turning through my mind. 

But tonight it seems I may be trapped…

I feel like I am stuck in the darkness, waiting for you to reach out for me and bring me back into the light. But then I remember, you’re not here anymore.

It’s easy to have a conversation with me.

But if you send me one word replies, or really slow replies, I’ll probably stop talking to you. Not to be mean, but let’s be honest. Who wants to wait for hours for a reply, or get some effortless reply like “cool.” and then you expect me to reply? No. At least put in some effort into the conversation. I’ll lose interest if you give me late/one word replies. I’d rather talk to someone who can actually hold a conversation.

Have you ever felt?

Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. 
Like you don’t care about anything anymore. 
You’ve lost motivation to do anything. 
Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. 
The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. 
Feeling that no one understands you anymore. 
And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

I like-d talking to you.

It’s like every time we do talk, I end up laughing or smiling. Even if we’re fighting or something over the silliest things, I probably could never take you seriously. You’re cute. The way you talk-ed to me. It was great, more like amazing. When I talk-ed to you it’s like everything else didn't matter.
Like I said, I like-d talking to you, I really do (did).

Change really is for the better.

Maybe that’s why change is inevitable. 
Maybe that’s why we look back after a long period of time, only to realise how far we've made it, by taking the little steps.
Maybe that’s why the struggle in between is truly difficult.
It’s for us to realise how wonderful the result at the end of the tunnel is.
Maybe, just maybe, change could all do us good every now and again. 

She suddenly stopped being herself and let her demon take over.

Self empowerment.

2018 is a year of positive vibes, positive affirmations, to more self empowerment, happiness and success.

Like last year, it's no secret that I have been and still am aiming for positive thinking.

You might not realise this, but the majority of the time - a lot of this happens during our little internal monologues - we tend to think about things in a negative way, we talk and think about things we don’t want, things we don’t want to happen to us, more than we talk about things we want, love and desire. We think about things we did wrong, mistakes we have made and opportunities we’ve missed.

As a matter of fact, there is quite a lot of self-judgment going on in our minds. Some of these false judgments are often deeply rooted in our unconscious mind - part of our mind where our beliefs, habits, and behaviours are formed and reinforced.

Positive thinkings allow you to raise your awareness to a different and new perspective. In order for these to work, however, you have to speak them, think them, write them down, on a regular basis. The more you use them, the more aware you will become of your negative thought patterns.

Here are what I've gathered over last year that have helped me to past the negative hurdles -

• I live my life on my own terms
• I choose to let go of everything that doesn't serve me
• My life is full of purpose and passion
• I am fearless and by challenging my fears, I become stronger
• I believe in myself
• I am willing to step out of my comfort zone and make a change
• I am worthy of my dreams and I will make them come true
• I feel strong and inspired every single day
• I see love in everyone and everywhere I go
• I choose to surround myself only with positive people who lift my energy
• I am unique and nothing can replace me
• I will not allow my past to define me
• I am at peace with myself
• I allow all good things to come into my life
• I am thankful for all that I have in my life
• Every day is an opportunity - to practice more love towards myself and other people; to be more grateful; to change things I don't like; and to grow.

Of course in listing that, daily positive thoughts and practice won’t magically change your life overnight, but I can assure you that it will help you re-program your mind. If you ever thought of yourself as not good enough, not smart enough, or that you often tell yourself: “I can’t,” give some of these a try, for at least a week.

My advice to you is: write them down, speak them aloud, use post-it notes to stick them in a place where you will see them often.

Ta for now!

Until next time x

Eventually you’ll end up where you need to be, with who you’re meant to be with, and doing what you should be doing. You gonna be alright fam.

Food for thought

Let's be honest, we know there are some people are just sh*t and that's just who they are.

I’m a firm believer that the universe brings us people to teach us something, motivate change, and be the strength we need for that moment.

I’m independent, know what I want, and I’m meant to do great things. I can’t wait to bring all my loves along to share my gratitude. But I also send love to those feeling insecure and stuck. I hope that everyone can find their centre.

My point is, it is time to raise our vibrations, to attract more abundance. 

Today and everyday, I am thankful.

Someday, I want to travel somewhere. Somewhere exotic. A trip with no destination and no time limitation, to all the places that I've only dreamed of going. No longer will I only be seeing these places in visual illusions of black and white, my dark, dreamy and unreal images will come to life as my mind is exposed to all the bizarre colors that are painted by the beautiful sights around the world.

Travelling lightly, my bags will only hold a few change of clothes. With my loved one not behind me, not in front of me, but joining me by my side, we will make this experience ever-lasting. During the trip, I want to set myself at ease. I want to be free of all emotions, as well as all thoughts. I won’t let anything get in my way of me enjoying myself, I will take control like a captain spinning his wheel and guide the way.

Not only do I want to see flows of treading waters, I also want to walk through the sandy beaches barefoot, I want to feel the grains of sand escape through my toes. I want to lay down on a blanket, feel the breezy wind blow in my hair as I fall asleep counting the stars that shine as bright as my significant other’s eyes. I want to see all the animals I don’t know the names of. I want to try different types of food until I’m too full to pick up another piece to stuff into my mouth. I want to send post cards in different languages from all the cities I visit. I want to be able to smell, taste, sense, and feel all the fine things the world has hidden. I want to make my trip a story worth telling. 

New year, new feels, new chances. Same dreams, fresh starts.

Happy new year everyone.. (well to those who're still here)! I'm a bit late with the new year greeting because I have involuntarily took some time to unplug from blogging for the holidays. On top of that, I've been feeling a bit stuck in a creative rut over at my beauty blog - if you aren't sure what I'm talking about - here's the link to refresh your mind: https://thebeautyandfoodspace.blogspot.com.au/.
I hate that I feel this way and I feel so much guilt every week because I know I'm letting a lot of people down over there. I hate that I haven't been on my A game last year and so I swore to myself that even I don't blog, I still have to at least post on instagram (https://www.instagram.com/melon_yu) daily, which has been achievable so far and I really want give a HUGE thank you for constantly supporting me despite anything.

Pushing from the negatives above, I swear that's the last!

2017 was quick. But 2017 was healing. It was realising that after all the damage done in 2016, I can still be okay. And that throughout my life, I will fluctuate in my ‘okay-ness’ and that’s completely okay.

I’ve started 2018 with a clear mind, clear goals and a heart ready for anything this year holds!
I pray we all find ourselves abundantly blessed and favoured this year and find joy even when we feel like we’re not.

Reflecting on last year, these are the lessons I've learnt -

• You cannot be broken.

This year has taught me that you/I/we cannot be broken. 2016 was my relapse year. I promised myself end of 2016 to live bravely in 2017. I've learnt that bad days will come around more often than you would like and are sometimes so paralysing that I forget what it is I am living for but yet, here I am today - alive, breathing, hoping; optimistic about the new year because while yes, it might take time and effort and sometimes tears, I know (we) will always bounce back after hitting the ground but it is up to (us) to make that commitment and vow to keep trying.

• There is only so much others can do to help you because the rest is really up to yourself.

It sounds like we are all alone in this world right? But no we're not, we're all in this together. What I truly meant, is that there's only so much saving other people can do for you. Growing up, I have this romanticized belief that there is someone out there who can "save" you from yourself - like a prince charming saving his damsel in distress. But that's not the reality. I've had many people - family, friends, strangers - who have tried. You can go see so many doctors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists (the list goes on)... you can pour your heart and soul out to friends, family, strangers... but their help is hopeless if you can't help yourself first. It's not easy... because this is the reality. 

• Life gives you opportunities even when your world is breaking apart.

I can't stress this enough, yes eventhough what ever is happening in your shoes right now, whether it be relationship breakup, fights or just your world is tearing apart, let it be known that, there are new doors out there waiting for you to open, it’s just about getting out of bed and going for them (literally). There have been many opportunities that have come my way in 2017. Opportunities that would not have presented themselves if things had not turned out the way they did. These opportunities were my saving grace. Had I not found the willingness to go for them, I would feel more lost than I currently do. 

Yes, there are many things in life that are beyond our control. But I think we often forget that there are things that we can control. Like our ability to make decisions. To go out and try new things. To be brave and find that fleeting seconds of courage and take that leap of faith.

• Cut the negatives and cherish the positives

Yep quite frankly as the statement above, I've completely remove all the negative people since the start of last year - those people that you know don’t wish you well, that you know are secretly happy when you fail. Those selfish, manipulative people who expect you to bend over backwards for them but won’t lift a finger for you. Letting all that go was truly a blessing in disguise and I can't be more grateful for the leap of faith I've decided to do. It has made me cherish those who are truly there for me, who inspire me everyday to be better. 

Tip: Burn the bridges if you need to. It’s not a destructive habit. Sometimes, it’s the most constructive burning you will ever do. And I've learnt that it is not a bad thing at all because burning bridges saves you.

And finally,

• Love yourself.

"Falling in love with yourself first doesn't make you vain or selfish, it makes you indestructible"

You have to learn to truly love yourself. Because this is the way you can achieve your inner peace. Be happy and confident with who you are and work on accepting and loving every part of yourself. I promise you, the quality of your life will literally improve by 500%.

In 2017, I have learnt to overcome my insecurities, be confident and spend my energy in things I love, living my life in my shoes, rather than getting influenced by others.


Yep this is it! To be honest, I could go on and on with the individual thing I've learnt, but I've decided to stop here because (a) it's getting quite late and I have work in the morning tomorrow and (b) I have learnt that I am enough for what I do regardless, so if I were asked what I've learnt last year, these will be what I'd answer.

Ending this post with -

Goal for this year: smile more and worry less! Positive vibes (again, yes again for infinite years!) only, bring on 2018!

Hope all your dreams come true in 2018,

Melon x