When I was younger,

when I first heard about suicide, I was shocked. I didn’t know why anyone would kill themselves on purpose. All I can say now is, it’s funny how fast things can change..

It feels good to cry or have a few tears in my eyes from time to time. Whether it was brought up from heartache it doesn’t matter but it just lets me know I still feel inside. That I haven’t thrown away emotions and feelings altogether because it just causes too much pain. 

Sleep eludes me.

I’m not too sure why I am suffering from insomnia so often these days. Maybe it’s because I didn’t plan my night accordingly, stay up on the phone till 3 in the morning till I eventually dose off in conversation or watch a couple of old dramas in which may bore me to sleep.

I do this so to avoid lying awake in bed with just my own thoughts tossing and turning through my mind. 

But tonight it seems I may be trapped…

I feel like I am stuck in the darkness, waiting for you to reach out for me and bring me back into the light. But then I remember, you’re not here anymore.

It’s easy to have a conversation with me.

But if you send me one word replies, or really slow replies, I’ll probably stop talking to you. Not to be mean, but let’s be honest. Who wants to wait for hours for a reply, or get some effortless reply like “cool.” and then you expect me to reply? No. At least put in some effort into the conversation. I’ll lose interest if you give me late/one word replies. I’d rather talk to someone who can actually hold a conversation.

Have you ever felt?

Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. 
Like you don’t care about anything anymore. 
You’ve lost motivation to do anything. 
Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. 
The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. 
Feeling that no one understands you anymore. 
And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

I like-d talking to you.

It’s like every time we do talk, I end up laughing or smiling. Even if we’re fighting or something over the silliest things, I probably could never take you seriously. You’re cute. The way you talk-ed to me. It was great, more like amazing. When I talk-ed to you it’s like everything else didn't matter.
Like I said, I like-d talking to you, I really do (did).