When it comes to people who have a marked spot in my life, their slightest action and words will be forever noticed by me, whether they know it or not. Yeah, I guess it’s safe to say that I’m an quite observer. I notice everything, but I just don’t say anything.

I worry less about certain things because I realised that it doesn’t matter and it never did. I don’t jump to conclusions because that only brings me down. I try not to think of the what if’s because all that matters is what's here. Right now. I used to come up with stupid reasons/excuses to get mad and I hated it. Now, if I catch myself getting mad about something, I think to myself, is it just in my head? And most of the time, it is, so I let it go.

The past few months have been refreshing. I see a different perspective on things, of people, and of myself. Things are new and different and I like it a lot. Not really sure where this post is going.. But I just hope that if you’re reading this… that you think about how things are in your life and what you can do to change it for the better. Sometimes, all it takes is the smallest change and it makes the BIGGEST difference. I just hope that this can help you think about it and hopefully feel a little more at ease with things. You deserve it.

I just wanna say that I’m so glad how things be working out for me like no matter how bad things go in life and how bad my depression breaks me down and feeling like dying, I manage to get to a point where I can be happy and not stress over things that don’t matter.

You know what turns me on? Effort. Assurance. Show me you care. That you really want me. I’m tired of doubting whether people are coming or going.

Sometimes I tend to think about my past a lot. I mean everyone does, right? You start thinking about what you’ve been through with your life. Reminiscing everything. Then you start to regret. Asking yourself all this questions. Why did I do this and that? Why him? Why her? After that, you get sad and depress. You end up crying because you miss those days back then. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything and you can’t go back. Because all there’s left is nothing but memories.

And... happy 1st of June everybody :) x

Do you ever feel like there’s something that’s mentally bothering you, but you just can’t put your finger on it? And even when you’re trying to ignore it, it’s demanding to be felt.

I'm at that point.

.. where I’m just done with all of the obstacles and curve-balls life has to throw at you just to make your life that much more difficult. I’m done trying to put up a smile everyday and struggle my way through everything. I just want to be at that place, the highest point in my life where all my emotions turn into joy because everything is going right for once.
Can i just please please please get there already life?

Maturity.

I’ve been though a lot of shit, did some fcked up things and said things I probably shouldn’t have said but you can’t learn from your mistakes without experimentation. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” human being but you can always strive for it. I’ve learned to have more of an open mind and never to judge. I've learned to handle things face to face, listen to the other sides' opinion before jumping to conclusions. Even if you think you’ve been through the most, there’s still a lot more to learn through age.. and I’m ready for that.

Today I was asked if I had a boyfriend, and then asked if I wanted one. I found myself answering: "no, and not really".
I don’t know anyone who I want to have that kind of relationship with right now. And I am pretty happy being single. Even… calm and at peace.
I’d really just like some good friends right now; to hang out, laugh, and share life with as it comes. I may meet a man who changes that somewhere down the road, but I don’t know. I feel content without having a boyfriend with no feeling of needing one. It’s not something you “get”. It’s someone you keep going with after you realize who they are and how they change your life being in it. You kinda just keep making the decision to walk on together and grow. I like that a lot more than being out to find something because you feel it is missing. It’s less what it fills in your life and more what he adds, in a way.