Being the introvert that I am, most of the time I don’t care about feeling lonely, but then there are some times when the loneliness actually gets to me.

Different types of drunks

1. Party Drunk:

• will talk to anyone and everyone
• only does shots
• has to literally be dragged home at the end of the night because they refuse to acknowledge that the party has ended and they are the only persion still there

2. Blissful Drunk

• does nothing but laugh
• just happy to be included
• too good for this world
• loves you so much eventhough they just met you few minutes ago

3. Emotional Drunk

• not great at parties
• it's either crying tears of sorrow because there's no chips left or crying tears of gratitude because someone showed them where the bathroom is
• brings out everyone's inner mother

4. Parent Drunk

• keep everyone's shit together
• everyone thinks they're sober but they have actually had 5 shots in a hour
• knows when you need to go home and will make sure you get there
• holds back your hair when you are vomiting at 3 am

5. Slutty Drunk

• never gets cold
• makeup never smudges
• never has to buy their own drinks
• you think they are sloppy and have no idea what they are doing but every move is calculated and intentional

6. Sloppy Drunk

• wasted by 9pm
• needs to be taken home early
• will drink anything you give them as long as there is alcohol in it
• a MESS
• never learns from their mistakes

You think that you’re never going to get over your last heartbreak and that the tears will never cease, but then.. slowly but surely, when you least expect it.. comes a day when you find somebody who makes you feel happy again - and not that pretend type of happy that turns into sadness when nobody’s around - but truly and genuinely happy. Someone who makes you question why you were ever sad in the first place. All of a sudden, you find yourself looking forward to the future rather than crying over the past, and you’re finally able to sleep well at night again.

So for anyone currently battling depression and heartbreak, chin up and don’t lose hope because I promise that there’s so much more in store for you :‘3 

A lot of the time it’s really not that deep. Like there’s not some deep meaningful reason for everything. Most of the time when people don’t act like they give a shit about you they really actually genuinely don’t.

There’s no reason to feel ashamed about caring for somebody more than they care for you. There’s nothing shameful about having a big heart. Especially since one day you’ll meet somebody whose heart matches your own.

I really miss having people around me who care but I’m not worth it.

When someone breaks our heart, we so desperately want them to know how much they hurt us, thinking it will change something. But it doesn’t. They can respond empathetically, feel guilt, and hopefully learn how to avoid hurting someone so badly in the future, but your hurt isn’t going to change the situation and likely won’t make them feel anywhere near as bad as you do. Even if they did something horrible, they’re telling themselves whatever they can so they can feel better too, we are all always in survival mode - “They’re hurting now, but it’s what is best for them in the long run,” “It was unavoidable.” Whether their internal dialogue is true or not, we are experts at convincing ourselves that our actions are justified. Your pain is yours to work through, no person can be both the cause and solution of your hurt. Don’t be afraid of expressing it because it’s real and can be so overwhelming, but you don’t need to “prove” your pain, hoping for some sort of response. If anything, it will push them away further, and delay your moving forward. Ultimately, you don’t want to be with someone only because they don’t want you to be sad, or because they feel sorry for you. You shouldn’t guilt someone into loving you, and them pulling a lesson from the situation is their task. You work on your own.

“Move on quietly, love yourself loudly.”

Is it strange that I’m just waiting for the real sadness to hit? I don’t feel abnormally sad like how I expected to react to this situation, and that actually scares me a lot because I feel like it’ll hit me like a cannonball later, all at once.

Or there’s that other option that my past experiences have made me stronger and prepared me to handle this really well.

I’d like to think it’s the latter.

I have learned to accept why things happened as they did and have buried the past where it belongs. For once, I’m not crying over the past but instead contemplating my future, and not only am I thinking about it, but I’m actually getting really excited for whatever may be in store for me.

It may be too soon to tell, but if this is as worse as it gets then I am super freaking proud of myself.

I'm that person that everyone replaces after a while // R E L A P S E

Now I don't want you to carry me towards the light..... Because now I know just like everyone else... You too will never be mine.

It's taking everything in me not to kill myself.... I'm tired. Really am.

“Just smile and say you're fine, cause nobody really cares anyway.”