Thought/rant of the day~

I get so disgusted when someone laughs at a disabled kid or a kid who has down-syndrome or whatnot. I cringe when I see someone who is actually heartless enough to imitate the poor kid’s actions and light-heartedly laugh at their disabilities. No words can describe how revolted and hurt I feel knowing that there are people out there who just look past these unfortunate souls and just take them as clowns. Eurggh. 

The problem with me is that no matter how bad I want to talk to you, I'll never make the first move because I have too much pride and I’m stubborn as fuck.

Had a dnm talk with one of my baes recently about this, she is the first person to give me a totally different advice on how to approach this X situation, from her advices, they definitely reinforced my views and certain beliefs, for example, what passed was the past. Continuing to live every day to the fullest as it's a blessing to be alive in this world x

PS. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!
PPS. I did a review on Laneige Power Essential Skin Refiner on my beauty blog!
PPPS. I too did a snack review of Tokyo Banana Original!

Have fun reading! ;)

HAPPY MUMMY DAY!

My mummy has a default grumpy face 24/7 and it's really rare to see her smile.

Everyone thinks I’m indestructible.

The girl who never flinches. The girl who always has a smile on. The girl who’s gone through nothing. The girl who has no scars. I am not going to lie, sometimes the way you act or look can be deceiving. I don’t want to live behind a wall of laughter and smiles anymore. I want people to understand me, I want people to understand how hard it is to be me, and still be expected to be happy. This is why I write on here. To let out all the venom that has poisoned me and away from the real world.
It’s sad how everyone else just fall apart, yet I don’t know why I am still keeping it all together?

No one can understand you thoroughly.

Even if you were to spill out everything or expose them to a certain situation by explaining it in complete detail. It is hard for one to feel the exact pain of another or try to understand how they might be feeling when you have never really took a step in their shoes. Sure, you might have been in the same situation someone else before, but everyone experiences different feelings because we’re all incomparable people with different backgrounds. And that’s what makes each one of us unique, our feelings and experiences are what differ us from one another.

I miss being a kid....

I look back at... when life was so relax, so easy-going and well, simple. When the only thing that worried me was whether my tamagotchi pet has eaten yet or whether I’ll be able to watch my favourite cartoon. Fuck, I could walk out in my pajamas with my messy hair for all I care. And then there’s the opposite sex; in which I was not interested in whatsoever and would rather stay away from them, because "boy germs" LOL. Life was so straightforward. I had a daily schedule in which I was happy to live by. No distractions, no homework, no drama, no heartbreak, no nothing.
And here I am, thinking how stupid I was when I was small, thinking I wanted to grow up quickly. Man, I would love to go back to the way things were, when not eating my dinner was the only crime in the house, when I would actually appreciate every little detail and love my parents give me.. where everything in my life was so un-complicated. When I was just a gullible and innocent kid who did not really know reality.

Revenge.

Revenge is not sweet. But sometimes, just sometimes; I can’t help but feel that I should give the other person the taste of their own medicine. I don’t like to be treated like shit and as far as I know, I don’t think anyone wants to be treated like shit. It’s just a matter of showing the other person that whatever they did to me, is just not cool.
There’s no doubt that we have all wanted revenge at one stage in life.
It’s just a normal human instinct to immediately go back at the person who has done something bad to you.
It’s normal to feel like that person should feel the pain/sadness/anger you went through because of their actions. But then again, revenge never ends well.
As much as I want to just go back at the people who pissed me off or whatever, I know that when I give them payback.. it’s not going to make me any better than the other person.

Self-conscious.

Being self-conscious is very normal for me.
I tend to think about what OTHERS think about me a bit too much.
Like if I wear something quite different to my usual style; are my friends going to think I have become more girlier etc? If I talk to different people of the opposite gender that I've become close with; are people going to think I'm flirting or liking that person? Are they going to think I've become a total slut? If I have a pimple on a face and it's very visible; are randoms going to laugh and tell their friends that some chick they saw had a massive zit on her face? If I laugh too much or talk to much; is the person I'm talking to going to think I'm annoying and a total loser?
Small shit like that gets me worried and it makes me so self-conscious with myself and who I am.

It is scary when you realise as you are growing up, that all the adults in your life are imperfect and are capable of making mistakes. People who you looked up to, you realise how infallible they are. No one truly knows how things will be, we are all really just winging it, even your parents.