The stages of recovery

It is a vicious cycle I tell ya..

Stage 1: 

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Stage 2: 

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Stage 3: 

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in… it’s a habit… but my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Stage 4: 

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Stage 5:

 I walk down a different street. 

I really hate it when someone makes me second guess myself.

I don’t know whether it’s a good or bad thing.. I mean, it makes me think of the possible outcomes and it makes me be more cautious about my decisions. But I hate it. I hate how I can’t just go with the flow and see where life leads me itself.

We have all experienced something that makes us want to disappear.

Things that can ruin our moods and feelings. Things that make us feel worthless. Things that makes us go crazy and insane. Which leads to depression, which leads to suicidal thoughts. And if by any chance you are feeling as if you want to commit suicide, please don’t. Because I want you to clear out these thoughts. I want you to abolish yourself of this idea that you’re meaningless, that you are worthless. Clear your mind.

If you ever feel the need to commit suicide, I want you to know that: I want you to be content with yourself. I want you to learn how to love life. I want you to live everyday like it's the end of the world. I want you to love yourself. I want you to get everything you deserve. I want you to be happy and I want to see you smile. That gorgeous smile you have, I want you to use it. I want to hear you speak, I want to get your responses, I want to talk to you, and I want to help you. I want to hear you speak relentlessly. I want to know how your day went. I want to know everything that made it worthwhile. I want you to dump the idea that suicide is the only way out because it’s not. I want you to see that you are worth it, that you have a bright future ahead of you. I want you to see yourself because you’re darn amazing and you need to see that you’re meant for amazing things in life. I want you to write stories, to write down your feelings, to vent. I want you to spill out your thoughts, because I am here for you. I want you to let me know how you feel. I’ll listen, I promise because I genuinely care. I want you to succeed in life and be great. I want you to wake-up and realise the truth in everything I’m saying to you. I want you to have hope and believe. To believe that tomorrow will be a better day for you, and I want you to wake up tomorrow with a fresh new start. Take a deep breath and make it worthwhile. I want things to get better for you.

I just want to see you genuinely smile, I want you to survive, I want you to live.

When we fail, we might be tempted to think that we have wasted our time and thus regret it. But the fact that you have done something is much better than doing nothing.

Sometimes I don’t know what to think or do because I’m just so lost inside. Whenever you think your life is perfect there’s always going to be a obstacle in the way. Maybe it just a way to tell you that life is never perfect, all you can to do is learn to how to move on.

Start with yourself.

You have to be mentally, emotionally, and physically ready for a relationship before you can jump right in. Learn to be patient; don’t rush into something you’re not ready for. Adopt the right state of mind. Tell yourself “I need to be a better me before I can put effort into being a better us.” Things will only turn out wrong if you start something you aren’t prepared for..

Sometimes it is okay to remind yourself who you are when you get scared with insecurities. It’s okay to say, "hey, I’m amazing and kind and talented."
It’s okay to give yourself the confidence you need to face what you fear.
It’s good to know who you are and be able to stand on your own two feet in that.
Don’t let anyone else make you feel anything other than what you are.
You remind yourself.
Don’t forget who you are.
Keep being that person.
You are loved.

It just struck me one day, a question that has bothered me for quite some time now — If I died one day, unplanned and uncalled for, would I be able to survive in your memories?
If I have already disappeared off the face of the earth, taken a stairway to where the untouchable lights are, would you remember me as if I was still around?
If you were to wake up one random morning to unlock your phone, only to see that you have received no new messages from me today, because I couldn't call or text you anymore, would you wait impatiently staring at the clock as it tick tocks and repeats, for some type of contact from me, like I do for you?
If one day, I was no longer here to pick fights with you, play the silent treatment game, or fuss about all the little problems we have. Would you maybe, think about turning back the hands of time, only to rescue me from all those sleepless nights?
If I were to exit from your life completely, would you forget my existence or would you search around all the corners of the world, seeing hope in someone’s back view just because their hair looks similar to mine?
And that is my question.
Life is short, and full of unexpected surprises. Sometimes it doesn't have to be death for someone to realise what they had before they lose it all, it could just be a I’m done type of decision. Either way, I could only hope that I have made a big enough impact in your life, an impact strong enough to be missed by you even when I’m gone.

There is something very important about being open; to be able to share your heart with another human being, to pour out your honest thoughts - unsifted, unedited - is part of how we process and grow. Don’t keep it all to yourself. The good or the bad. It’s good to open up without fear or pressure about how you find the words to say it aloud. There is something deeply connecting about being heard in complete authenticity.