I hate that feeling of needing someone because depending on someone sets you up for pain. but god, how I need someone to be there for me. right now.

When I date someone at this point in my life. I’m not dating them just to say I’m dating someone. I’m dating them with the intent to build, progress and have a romantic partnership. If somewhere along the lines it doesn’t work out, fine. But they’ll never be able to say I didn’t try to grow with them.

In 10 years, I wonder who is still going to be by my side.

I hate when people talk to you on facebook, text, etc. but when they see you in person it’s a whole different story. They walk by you like they don’t know you when you clearly saw them look at you. They can’t even say hi or anything. You can’t even talk to me in person but you can talk to me behind a computer screen?

Sometimes... when I think, I feel like I’m missing something.

But then I realise I am actually missing something.

I don’t understand what’s so bizarre about the concept of a girl not wanting to be in a relationship because she’d rather focus on other things. Since when did falling in love, getting married, and having kids become prerequisites for a happy life and a successful future?

To be honest, I was a very dependent person before uni. When I got to uni, I grew to the stage where I become more independent and I've been growing up to be that someone who knows how to do things on her own, and not relying on others. I mean who says I can’t be happy without it? It’s not like I don’t have healthy relationships in other areas of my life. I've got great friends and a family that cares about me.

I mean I believe that some people are meant to be together, get married, and end up having a family.
But even if that wasn't me, I’d be fine with that too.

And I hope that you’re okay. I hope that wherever you are right now underneath this vast sky, you’re doing well and you’re happy. I hope you’re finding reasons to smile, to inhale and exhale, to sleep, to wake up, and to be happy.

I don’t open up that quickly. I’ll probably bore you to death with my constant how are you’s. But I truly want to know how you are doing. “I’m okay” won’t suffice. So stay, and I’ll open myself up to you.

Do you ever miss someone that was once everything to you? Someone you shared everything with. Promised to always love and cherish? Do you ever randomly think about them, like you’re just drinking coffee or out with friends and you read something or someone says something, anything and you’re drawn back to barely breathing and screaming because your body aches from the sheer fact that they’re gone and not coming back? And... You just don’t know how to handle it?

One word replies.

What the fck? When I write you a decent paragraph and when I am actually putting effort into keeping up a good entertaining conversation, I’d expect you do the same. Don’t you dare just "k" or "lol" or "haha" me bitch after I write you something that I want you to actually respond properly to. The moment when you give me a one-worded reply, I will immediately stop talking to you. It just means that you either don’t want to talk to me or you’re just boring as hell and have nothing good to say because you’re an old boring fart. Reply back with a sentence or better, something that I can reply back to. Jeeez.