Time passed so quickly when your plate is busy with uni, work, friends and family.... and I realised it has been a year since I had called it off, I just couldn't believed it *wow* And seriously, so much has happened too. It's crazy!!
**AND before you start assuming whether I'm being sappy or not, I'm actually just writing what I feel, I feel like sharing this (when so many of you asked me what exactly happened then, and yes, it had been quite a damn long time already, I've reached to the point where I'm fine to share the story with you all)**
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"Be friends" you said after we broke up. Then, you offered me two choices - for you to stay or leave. At that time, there was a tiny piece in me that regretted this decision, but then, there's another proportion that was telling me that I'm doing the right thing, as I'll be too selfish if I had asked you to stay.
Throughout this whole time, I found myself again and again wanting to chat with you like how we used to, but then I resist, because I remember that you're a different person now.
At first I wasn't use to it, but later as time progresses on, I guess I got used to it. To not calling you mine. To not being there for each other. I guess I got used to this routine. Perhaps you felt the same way then, or maybe you've finally moved on and found someone way better than me.
We went through many stages. From strangers, to lovers, back to strangers, then friends and to some acquaintances.. and strangers at last.
"How ironic it is that we all started as strangers and we end up as strangers too"
I read an online article on: how the people we once loved become strangers again.
When love becomes loved. And everything became used to be, it doesn't mean that everything is forgotten. It doesn't make you forget about their birthdays or forget the things they do for you.
But somehow you realised that. Love itself is not enough to keep two people together. A lot of things require more than just feelings. I may still love him. But. I may never want to be together with him anymore.
What's the point of forcing two people together, if we're never gonna reach that point of consensus that both of us agrees to.
You may be perfect in so many ways, but your imperfection outweighs all of the rest. Always know that. When someone doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be, never settle for something lesser.
Maturing as time goes by. Meeting new people, talking to new people. New changes have occurred but I guess that’s life, right? Not everything is perfect, not everything is the same. It just sucks because I miss talking to a lot of people I wish I didn't grew apart from.
At times I wanted to message him, but then I didn't know if I really should and I didn't want to bother him. I have always wanted to let him know what we had mean so much to me, but it's way too late to say that anyways.... I guess I just wanna say I wish all the best for him in life (though I really do not think he will even read this).
I still have nights where I can't sleep, where I just drown in my emotions and thoughts. And if you are friends with me on WeChat, you will definitely know by the amount of spam I update on moments :3
To be honest, I still think about him (where I know it's unhealthy to do so, but that's alright, because I realised it's fine to reminisce about the past)
I am that kind of person that tends to think about my past a lot.
From reminiscing everything, to regretting my decisions/choices to questioning myself: why?
And then I get all sad and depress. Tears then finally come out. But we can't do anything right? Because besides crying, I can't do anything, there's no reverse button in life, I can't go back.
All there's left is nothing but memories.
But lately, well exactly 2 days ago, he started talking to me again. He asked the same question again, I haven't even answer yet, eventhough I know what answer am I already going to give him, but I just don't have that courage to say it. Sometimes I really do hate myself for that x.x
Should I follow my heart?
Should I give us another chance?
**AND before you start assuming whether I'm being sappy or not, I'm actually just writing what I feel, I feel like sharing this (when so many of you asked me what exactly happened then, and yes, it had been quite a damn long time already, I've reached to the point where I'm fine to share the story with you all)**
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Be friends" you said after we broke up. Then, you offered me two choices - for you to stay or leave. At that time, there was a tiny piece in me that regretted this decision, but then, there's another proportion that was telling me that I'm doing the right thing, as I'll be too selfish if I had asked you to stay.
Throughout this whole time, I found myself again and again wanting to chat with you like how we used to, but then I resist, because I remember that you're a different person now.
At first I wasn't use to it, but later as time progresses on, I guess I got used to it. To not calling you mine. To not being there for each other. I guess I got used to this routine. Perhaps you felt the same way then, or maybe you've finally moved on and found someone way better than me.
We went through many stages. From strangers, to lovers, back to strangers, then friends and to some acquaintances.. and strangers at last.
"How ironic it is that we all started as strangers and we end up as strangers too"
I read an online article on: how the people we once loved become strangers again.
When love becomes loved. And everything became used to be, it doesn't mean that everything is forgotten. It doesn't make you forget about their birthdays or forget the things they do for you.
But somehow you realised that. Love itself is not enough to keep two people together. A lot of things require more than just feelings. I may still love him. But. I may never want to be together with him anymore.
What's the point of forcing two people together, if we're never gonna reach that point of consensus that both of us agrees to.
You may be perfect in so many ways, but your imperfection outweighs all of the rest. Always know that. When someone doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be, never settle for something lesser.
Maturing as time goes by. Meeting new people, talking to new people. New changes have occurred but I guess that’s life, right? Not everything is perfect, not everything is the same. It just sucks because I miss talking to a lot of people I wish I didn't grew apart from.
At times I wanted to message him, but then I didn't know if I really should and I didn't want to bother him. I have always wanted to let him know what we had mean so much to me, but it's way too late to say that anyways.... I guess I just wanna say I wish all the best for him in life (though I really do not think he will even read this).
I still have nights where I can't sleep, where I just drown in my emotions and thoughts. And if you are friends with me on WeChat, you will definitely know by the amount of spam I update on moments :3
To be honest, I still think about him (where I know it's unhealthy to do so, but that's alright, because I realised it's fine to reminisce about the past)
I am that kind of person that tends to think about my past a lot.
From reminiscing everything, to regretting my decisions/choices to questioning myself: why?
And then I get all sad and depress. Tears then finally come out. But we can't do anything right? Because besides crying, I can't do anything, there's no reverse button in life, I can't go back.
All there's left is nothing but memories.
But lately, well exactly 2 days ago, he started talking to me again. He asked the same question again, I haven't even answer yet, eventhough I know what answer am I already going to give him, but I just don't have that courage to say it. Sometimes I really do hate myself for that x.x
Should I follow my heart?
Should I give us another chance?
go ahead :) do what your heart thinks, if you two are meant to be, it will work out eventually! All the best! xx
ReplyDeleteeveryone deserves a second chance :) and so do you, young lady.
ReplyDelete