I hate when people talk to you on facebook, text, etc. but when they see you in person it’s a whole different story. They walk by you like they don’t know you when you clearly saw them look at you. They can’t even say hi or anything. You can’t even talk to me in person but you can talk to me behind a computer screen?

What they don't mention about growing up with strict parents

• the resentment that begins to build up and damage your relationship with your parents because you are missing out on being a kid
• extreme behaviour that can be dangerous because you feel as if you have to catch up on all the life you have been missing
• a constant sadness that you never going to live life enough
• developing anxiety over doing things as simple as riding the bus
• massive issues with authority
• fear of commitment because you feel as though it is going to tie you down and take away from your freedom again
• you learn how to lie way too easily
• you don't trust people or public spaces because anyone could be a predator
• you can't talk to your parents about anything because they take honest topics and turn it into a discussion about what you shouldn't be doing with your life
• you can't do basic tasks or take initiative because you're so used to someone telling you how and where to do everything that any and everything fills you with anxiety and stress

I think it’s funny how parents don’t allow us to do certain things. They were teenagers once. They should know if we want it bad enough, we’ll just do it behind their backs whether they like it or not. So isn’t it better to allow certain things that can’t be stopped, and they’ll at least know what we’re up to? Being too strict on us isn’t a good thing either. We’ll just start to feel suffocated and become a rebel. They don’t have to let us do whatever we want, but they should at least give us a little space so we can breathe.

The truth is..

I don’t really care what you think or say about me. I can be too loud sometimes, sometimes too hypo and on some occasions I am really quiet. Whatever I do is none of anyone’s business unless I say it is so. No one has the right to judge me or my family and friends. We do not live to please you nor would we ever consider changing to satisfy your thirst of downgrading us. Our egos will only grow as you try everything to bring us down. You either love me or you hate me that is for you to decide. I don’t like fake multiple personalities, I only have one and I am proud of it. I do not always know what I am doing and may not always make the right choices, I am not perfect. No one is. I learn from my mistakes and I am grateful for the people in my life who love and care for me, they are the only ones that I need, the ones I live for. So your judgmental eyes don’t shake us. You are societies bitch, you, my dear are a clone of all the inconsiderate, attention-seekers, unappreciative, stupid jerks in the world. 

Dear blocked numbers,

You seem to call me from time to time. Some days you just call and there is no answer on the other line, other days you call and I’ll be having a vivid conversation to a fellow named ‘Bob.” Then I get those odd days where you like to call me at 4 in the morning; and every word that comes out of your mouth is dirty as fck!

I just want to know who you are, AND HOW'D YOU GET MY NUMBER!

Today was not a good day for me... >.<
You just never know what is gonna happen next... let alone, next second...
Sprained my right ankle.. as u can see (or not see) on my instagram post
Legitly happened within a split second, one second I was normal and the next second, hjdsabkbfuz and off to hospital I went...
I can't even bear any weight on my right leg cos it fucking hurts when I try to do so :S
So grateful though that I only sprained (soft tissue injury) and not like broken a bone... that'd be disastrous!!
And luckily, my friends were around me before my parents came, ya, I was shaking like nonstop, never. again. Worst experience ever. I think it was just the combo of shock, pain, numb and what is gonna happen :3
Hopefully I make a quick recovery tho! Or else it'll be a pain in the ass to limp to exam arghhh :/
WHY.

"Do you ever want to slap yourself in the face because you know you should be doing something productive but instead you choose to sit in front of a laptop for hours on end doing shit that has no beneficial impact on your life and this just happens day after day after day and still you refuse to accept the fact that you have a problem?"

Thought of the day...

I don't give up easily.

BUT...... Should I give up in this xxx situation?.... for my own good?

To be honest, I never really listen to warnings but then again, I regretted afterwards cos I chose not to hear them out... now I'm given another warning, should I really follow it.... or should I ignore it? But then if I ignore it, the ending doesn't look that great either :O And if I follow it, it makes me the "bad guy".... oh man...

.... So confusing.

Hate to be stuck in between "give up" AND "don't give up"!

*SIGH*

Moreover....

"Have you ever had that feeling? That feeling where you don’t know what to do when you have two different thoughts mixed together. One part of you wants you to do it, but then the other part of you doesn’t. You don’t know what to choose. You need help, but you don’t know where to get the help because you know its only up to you. You’re the one choosing. That feeling sucks."

Toodles! ~

PS. Don't fret, this aint really a rant rant post! It's just that I felt like letting it out here on my blog :P

Did a "miracle" just happened?

First of all, regarding to my last rant post, I'm really blessed to have you lovely followers supporting/comforting/giving me your opinions and you know just being there, really did console me. I read all the comments and I really appreciated you all dropping by and leave one :)

Had a really late night sleep.... I slept at like around 2:30am -.- yet I woke up really early this morning, went for a jog, thinking to myself, you know there's more to this world than what I was complaining about, I should be blessed and grateful that at least there are some things going the right way/the way I want them to be, I guess. And for the things that do not work out, I should not get all hyped about it and I should just accept it and let it flow. After jog, there was a thai temple nearby and they had a meditation sesh, so I was like why not, let's do it. After all, I need my yin and yang to be adjusted back to normal. I had too much dark forces in me that need to released out. LOL.... I totally sounded like I'm in Star Wars or something haha.... This coming week is the last week of uni fml.... so I really need to be back to my normal self and exams coming very soon as well and I need to be very prepared! My feelings and state of mind actually became more stable and relaxed after that deep meditating session :) Thought through heaps as well...

To be honest, I'm more calmed now. I'm more relaxed. Once again, reminding myself that this is just life. There's ups and downs. You don't know what is gonna happen next, just enjoy every moment of now :) especially, I should be really grateful that I'm still alive, and not off the hook and go kill myself :3 LIVE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW.

And youse know how I was stuck in a seesaw, not having the courage to take another step, you know what guys? That courage is back. I'm more reluctant to take another shot now :) Yay! I'm really glad to tell you all... that girl is gradually coming back on the track :)

PS. I know I labelled this post as a rant, eventhough it's not a rant at all. But I didn't know what to label it and it's also a response to the post, so eh, group em together :)

Love,
Velene xoxo

Before I start my RANT, lemme tell ya something, so yesterday was da Halloween Day! :D YOP gathered together :)

Read what happened: HERE

Video of what we did: HERE

So moving to today's purpose of writing this post, or shall I say, a MEGA RANT.

ARGHHH. I just had this frustration to let it all out, and yes, that includes here, my blog X)

------------------------------

WTF was I thinking?

You know one of these days. Where everything you’ve seen, heard, think, smell (well not exactly that dramatic lol!) just don’t sound/feel right, you know that feelings? I have been having these feelings for the past 2 days, and all I can say that it sucks. Balls. It’s like I really want to strangle it and shout, don’t you fucking dare come closer to me anymore, I hate you, fuck off, I don’t need you right now!!!!!!!!!! NEGATIVE VIBES AROUND ME….. what can I say? And I have all these people around me advsising/warning/telling me stuffs.... and all of a sudden.... I'm so fucking confused.
As much as I wanted to calm the fuck down, the back of my mind kept on telling me that so and so has happened, are you sure you want to continue like this? Yet. My heart on the other hand, is melting as the time ticks by, it’s like saying, “Give **** another chance” blahblahblah look how far you’ve gone through and all that crap. To be honest, I’m having these mixture of foreign feelings where I just don’t even know who I am anymore like why am I doing here, like I would have never thought it’s my turn now to deal with this kind of situation. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. THIS IS INSANE. THIS IS JUST MIND-WRECKING. This whole thing is taking over my mind, I should be studying and doing productive stuffs, yet I’m hiding inside my caves and complaining what should  I do and stuffs. I really want to get this over and done with, but with it actually happening, the situation is getting uglier, it’s getting beyond my control, meaning at this point of stage, I’m in a seesaw looking left and right, yet I don’t have that courage to take another step to a point of direction, as to now, stuck in the middle. I HATE THIS FEELING. This is not me. This is not who I am. What have I become to? Yes, as far as you can see, this is another rant post. If you have been following my blog since the beginning, you know that I haven’t done a rant post in agessss! :P Cos my life was going pretty decently well….. until a couple of days ago, where it sidetracked me and totally threw me to a new strangers area, where I’m lost. I’M SO FUCKIN LOST.

I don’t even know what to say anymore to be honest. I’m typing all this down, thinking like last time when I finished ranting in a post, I would be calmed and stuffs afterwards, but this time is different. I don’t feel calmed. I’m more stressed. I’m more fucked up than before. I know, maybe some people say I’m over-dramatic/crazy/over-the-board and I’m being a clingy and pathetic bitch, but fuck off, you don’t know anything about me. ARGHHHHH. What am I writing. Ignore that please. But ya, if you have nothing nice to say, please keep it to yourself, it’ll be much appreciated.

I have lost my trail of thought. I was interrupted by that person of this ranting situation. ARGHHHH. It's like you don't even care at all... and what you said broke my heart T.T

Can things go back to normal between us? At the moment, I really don't even know anymore, I'm scared. For the first time in my life, I'm scared. I'm scared of so many things, and this has always been my least of problem, and now suddenly, just rose up and become the top of everything :O

------------------

Going to end this post like this, I probs may not come back to this post and edit it if I get reminded of what should I write. Cos after all this is a rant post, a situation where I want to get over and done with and not reminded of it every second of the day where it practically take over my life.

Once again, reminding myself, “Just go with the flow”. Take a chance! Take a risk like what I did before! Be that girl who always yolo-ed and have that courageous personality! Where have that girl gone to? :P

Love,

Velene xoxo

Socially awkward.

- You check your phone, because you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
- Wait for the right time to say something, you get interrupted. Twice.
- Someone you vaguely know is walking in front of you. You maintain distance.
- Hold the door for some. They’re slightly too far away.
- Someone comes online, you say “hey”, they go offline.
- You go in for the high-five. Other person isn’t looking.
- Accidentally look someone in the eye. Pretend to look past them.
- You say something stupid. You play it down, but everyone sees your face going red.
- You say “hi” to someone. It comes out as a whisper.
- Your friends formed a circle while you were gone. You can’t fit and end up standing slightly askew.
- Waiting by yourself for friends. Pretend you’re texting.
- You tell a hilarious joke. Nobody laughs.
- You’re in class and you want to cough. Some other person just coughed, now you have to wait.
- Walk into the restrooms and the stalls are full; pretend you only came here to wash your hands then leave.
- The person in front is walking slightly slower than you are. You walk at an uncomfortable speed to get past them.
- AWKWARD SILENCE.

YES YES YESSS!

FINALLY FINISHED!

Weeeeeeee........

Was so HAPPY when I submitted into turnitin....


Now just hope (always did in the past) that I will pass! :D

OH FECK.

Typing my discussion paper furiously! >.<

Knew I shouldn't leave it to the very last minute, but due to the lack of motivation AND the excess of procastination on me, I am once again defeated to doing it the day before it's due.

*SIGH*

That's how my life is. Sadly. :'(

Around 900 words to go!!!

I KNOW I CAN DO IT!

FIGHTINGGG! :P

having a mini celebration with b-u-t-t-o-n-s after successfully completed the discussion paper plan!! :D YAY!! ♥♥

Ps. Thankyouu all for the good luck wishes before! I did it! Woohoooooo!

Need ze help! :P

Can someone pretty please lend me some of their enthusiasm and zest?

This is because I'm....

.... having a lack of motivation to do my discussion paper plan and it's due tomorrow... feck :/

* CRY *

*A big heave of sigh*
 
............

Cos I lost my earphones at a computer lab.

(And I'll know if ur reading this, you must be thinking "seriously, it's just a fricking earphone?!"; "why so serious/lame/noob?!" and etc etc BUT I have a reason why I'm ranting now, it's because I treasured it...)

Anyway, decision time lies on you!

Continue reading if you want to! :D
If not, click HERE, perhaps then it will satisfy your mood!
Hmmmm.....

So where was I up to again?........

Oh ya.......

*cries a flooood*

It was my last black ones, now I have to use the white ones, not that I'm saying it's bad or anything like that, but I'm already so used to using ze black ones. I have been using it for almost 2 years and bloody hell, I lost it! T.T
I guess it's hinting me to "change" or something along that line :P after all, the theme of this year - the progression of being an adult and now an adult, is "change" = twas my new year's resolution. I guessed it has sticked with me then. *sigh*
Talking of "change" as I type/write this, I thought of the conversation I had with Viv today....
*Sigh* again......

 Why can't things remain simple, it'll be so much easier! :P

So, today's Tuesday is just like any other Tuesdays..... nothing really "special" happens XD

Except......

Today effing rain soooo much! Erghhhhh I hates it, yes, eventhough I know that we need water in our dams but man, walking to the bus stops in the rain with my crooked umbrella (the wind destroyed mine T.T) and puddles of water everywhere, my shoes all soaked even I can hear the screechiness of my socks, urghhhhh!!


Anyway, beside my rantings ^ up there haha....

Did everyone had a great day today? Or.... same as mine? :P

It takes only one day from Sunday to Monday, but 6 days to Sunday again .__.

Whyyyyyyy?!

Why I’m Addicted To Food.

Why can’t I stop eating sometimes?

I think maybe it’s because, although I’m not depressed and much happy, there’s yet something that’s missing in my life…

But what?

Usually for most of us, our eating rate increases when we’re in a situation that would make us feel nervous, like exams. And people often start to eat unhealthily and a lot when they’re depressed.

But what’s wrong with someone who is neither nervous nor depressed but who suddenly becomes addicted to food on one day? It might be an eating disorder…?

For me, I don’t think that’s the case.

I think that if I start to eat too much I feel that it’s because my mind unconsciously wants to replace something that’s missing right now in my life. That explains why I’m never satisfied even when my belly is full – I still want to eat something. Anything. Urghh. Frustration.

LOL. The awkward moment when there's only red-coloured jelly bellies left cos it's hard to determine which is raspberry, apple or cherry (which I h.a.t.e. cos it tastes like medicine bleurghh) haha.