I’m at a point in my life where I’m realising that no matter how much I love you and how long I’ve known you for, if we can’t have a meaningful conversation together, then there’s no depth in the relationship and no growth. I don’t have time for shallow friendships and relationships anymore, where I have to constantly feel like I’m exuding so much of my energy for nothing.
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Sunday, 4 November 2018
Saturday, 3 November 2018
Friday, 2 November 2018
Thursday, 18 October 2018
Monday, 15 October 2018
Saturday, 13 October 2018
Sunday, 16 September 2018
still care
I still care and I still wonder if you’re doing well and it’s so frustrating because it’s no longer my place to ask, or even to know. But I always wish you the best and I hope that you’re taking care of yourself. I hope you’ve found things that make you happy and I hope you’ve figured out your purpose in life.. I just hope that you’re happy.
Sunday, 23 April 2017
"Some of you care. None of you cared enough"
Did you recognise the origin of this quote..?
Well if you did, then you'll know I'm referring to the show that everyone's talking and binge-ing on about these past few weeks - "13 Reasons Why".
Okay so I decided to jump on the bandwagon and watch 13 Reasons Why.
Big mistake.
If anyone suffers from depression/suicidal thoughts and are easily triggered, I highly suggest not watching this Netflix series as it triggered my suicidal thoughts that I haven’t had in ages and thought I was finally recovering from.
- Spoilers alert -
So what is this new series about? Here's a brief summary. It explored the death of a high school student, to be exact, she took her life and left behind a set of secret cassette tapes that reveal why she did what she did. And yes, as obvious as it seems from the title, 13 tapes, 13 episodes, 13 reasons why she did it. She doesn't have any signs of depression or mental illness at all, until things were getting worse in her life, as portrayed in the last few episodes. She is a normal and healthy girl who got bullied into thinking death was the only way out.
Before I watch it, I heard plenty of mixed reviews. People either love it. Or hate it. Or uncomfortable to talk about it. Or want it to be taught in schools, to raise awareness. Some are triggered by the intense content, or some are just confused about how to process what they're feeling. Numb, to be exact. And to some, unsurprisingly, it was often distressing to watch.
I for one, felt all these emotions above. This is definitely not a light-hearted series as it portrayed the ripple effect of suicide. You won’t find any happy endings here – and how could you?
So back to the main point of me writing a post originally. I've binge watched this series in a week. And there are so many thoughts I have on my mind that I want to share with you all. All rambles are put in this post, in no specific order.
Watching this series within a week (5 days to be exact), it left me raw - I couldn’t stop watching it, but it wasn’t an “easy” watch. I had to pause several times. I cried - several times. From start, I could feel her slow spiral out of hope and towards the end, her inevitable suicide.
And one weird thing about watching this series is that by the end I'm so rooting for Hannah and wanting her to make it and be okay that I almost forget she’s dead and the ending is already sealed. Clay won’t wake up to it all being a dream, she won’t be all “surprise bitch”, she’s dead, and it feels weirdly surprising when the suicide scene happens but you knew the whole time it was coming.
Yes, on the last episode, it shows Hannah Baker’s suicide on screen. Watching it was a visceral experience. My heart raced as Hannah prepares and eventually climbs into the bathtub. My stomach knotted as Hannah cringes and begins crying as she cuts her wrists. It is slow. It is uncomfortable. Too heavy. Too real. It was unsettling, difficult to stomach, and hard to imagine… But, so are the topics of suicide and sexual assault. Watching this series, hits so many cores - of what I went through 2 years ago, and the relapse last year. It’s like I’m Hannah Baker. But until now I’m not dead.
Which is true, let's be honest, Hannah in the series can be anyone.
As a person who went through what Hannah did (in most of the episodes, not in highschool) and wanted to die. This is just not something anyone who is suicidal should watch. I’ve binge-watched the show because I was so goddamn curious to know what would happen if everyone found out I died. How horrible is that? I don’t need this.
When you’re lost in your thoughts and you keep on watching “13 reasons why”. It’s just so relatable how people tend not to care on people’s feelings. They don’t know how simple things they said will affect that person or worst, make that person kill herself. They don’t know because in the first place they’re just full of themselves and doesn’t care other people’s thoughts. They don’t know because they can’t even put their shoes on that person’s perspective. That’s how people are right? That sucks. And no one will able to correct that. Yes there’s this someone who’ll just be there for you but that’s just that. They’re just there for you, not to help you solve your problems or be your true friend.
As Clay offers towards the end: “It has to get better, the way we treat each other and look out for each other - it has to get better somehow.”
Right?
Oh and one last thing to end this post, one thing that really captured my attention in “13 reasons why” is the focus they put on the fact that, before Hannah committed suicide, she wore old clothes.
I think the old clothes have two “powerful” meanings:
1. When you are at home, or at least when I am, I wear old clothes. And why is that? Well, to be comfortable at home. I mean, at home, you can be who you are and you can wear anything because you know nobody will judge your appearance. And I think that is the reason why Hannah wore those clothes: to be comfortable during her last moments on Earth, in the “peace” of her home.
2. Hannah’s old clothes can also be a representation of how she felt. The state of her mind. The thing with old clothes are that most people forget about it and left it behind in their wardrobes so that nobody else can see them and with time, they are invisible for you up to the point you do not even remember you have them.
Hannah was that too - she was ruined because of everything that happened to her, and all the false rumours, and even because of her own mind playing tricks on her; nobody payed attention to her and people seemed to forget about her (of course she was the focus when the rumours about her started) but she was a ghost at highschool; and she had holes in her soul, in her heart, in her mind because of the constant crap she had to face.
Ta for now -
Well if you did, then you'll know I'm referring to the show that everyone's talking and binge-ing on about these past few weeks - "13 Reasons Why".
Okay so I decided to jump on the bandwagon and watch 13 Reasons Why.
Big mistake.
If anyone suffers from depression/suicidal thoughts and are easily triggered, I highly suggest not watching this Netflix series as it triggered my suicidal thoughts that I haven’t had in ages and thought I was finally recovering from.
- Spoilers alert -
So what is this new series about? Here's a brief summary. It explored the death of a high school student, to be exact, she took her life and left behind a set of secret cassette tapes that reveal why she did what she did. And yes, as obvious as it seems from the title, 13 tapes, 13 episodes, 13 reasons why she did it. She doesn't have any signs of depression or mental illness at all, until things were getting worse in her life, as portrayed in the last few episodes. She is a normal and healthy girl who got bullied into thinking death was the only way out.
Before I watch it, I heard plenty of mixed reviews. People either love it. Or hate it. Or uncomfortable to talk about it. Or want it to be taught in schools, to raise awareness. Some are triggered by the intense content, or some are just confused about how to process what they're feeling. Numb, to be exact. And to some, unsurprisingly, it was often distressing to watch.
I for one, felt all these emotions above. This is definitely not a light-hearted series as it portrayed the ripple effect of suicide. You won’t find any happy endings here – and how could you?
“Hey, it’s Hannah. Hannah Baker.
Don’t adjust your… whatever device you’re hearing this on.
It’s me, live and in stereo.
No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely, no requests.
Get a snack. Settle in.
Because I’m about to tell you the story of my life.
More specifically, why my life ended.
And if you’re listening to this tape, you’re one of the reasons why.”
— Hannah Baker
So back to the main point of me writing a post originally. I've binge watched this series in a week. And there are so many thoughts I have on my mind that I want to share with you all. All rambles are put in this post, in no specific order.
- Bloopers alert and raw thoughts below - Leave if you can't bare any and/or both of these -
Watching this series within a week (5 days to be exact), it left me raw - I couldn’t stop watching it, but it wasn’t an “easy” watch. I had to pause several times. I cried - several times. From start, I could feel her slow spiral out of hope and towards the end, her inevitable suicide.
And one weird thing about watching this series is that by the end I'm so rooting for Hannah and wanting her to make it and be okay that I almost forget she’s dead and the ending is already sealed. Clay won’t wake up to it all being a dream, she won’t be all “surprise bitch”, she’s dead, and it feels weirdly surprising when the suicide scene happens but you knew the whole time it was coming.
Yes, on the last episode, it shows Hannah Baker’s suicide on screen. Watching it was a visceral experience. My heart raced as Hannah prepares and eventually climbs into the bathtub. My stomach knotted as Hannah cringes and begins crying as she cuts her wrists. It is slow. It is uncomfortable. Too heavy. Too real. It was unsettling, difficult to stomach, and hard to imagine… But, so are the topics of suicide and sexual assault. Watching this series, hits so many cores - of what I went through 2 years ago, and the relapse last year. It’s like I’m Hannah Baker. But until now I’m not dead.
Which is true, let's be honest, Hannah in the series can be anyone.
As a person who went through what Hannah did (in most of the episodes, not in highschool) and wanted to die. This is just not something anyone who is suicidal should watch. I’ve binge-watched the show because I was so goddamn curious to know what would happen if everyone found out I died. How horrible is that? I don’t need this.
When you’re lost in your thoughts and you keep on watching “13 reasons why”. It’s just so relatable how people tend not to care on people’s feelings. They don’t know how simple things they said will affect that person or worst, make that person kill herself. They don’t know because in the first place they’re just full of themselves and doesn’t care other people’s thoughts. They don’t know because they can’t even put their shoes on that person’s perspective. That’s how people are right? That sucks. And no one will able to correct that. Yes there’s this someone who’ll just be there for you but that’s just that. They’re just there for you, not to help you solve your problems or be your true friend.
As Clay offers towards the end: “It has to get better, the way we treat each other and look out for each other - it has to get better somehow.”
Right?
Oh and one last thing to end this post, one thing that really captured my attention in “13 reasons why” is the focus they put on the fact that, before Hannah committed suicide, she wore old clothes.
I think the old clothes have two “powerful” meanings:
1. When you are at home, or at least when I am, I wear old clothes. And why is that? Well, to be comfortable at home. I mean, at home, you can be who you are and you can wear anything because you know nobody will judge your appearance. And I think that is the reason why Hannah wore those clothes: to be comfortable during her last moments on Earth, in the “peace” of her home.
2. Hannah’s old clothes can also be a representation of how she felt. The state of her mind. The thing with old clothes are that most people forget about it and left it behind in their wardrobes so that nobody else can see them and with time, they are invisible for you up to the point you do not even remember you have them.
Hannah was that too - she was ruined because of everything that happened to her, and all the false rumours, and even because of her own mind playing tricks on her; nobody payed attention to her and people seemed to forget about her (of course she was the focus when the rumours about her started) but she was a ghost at highschool; and she had holes in her soul, in her heart, in her mind because of the constant crap she had to face.
Ta for now -
Friday, 15 April 2016
We aren’t expected by the universe to do anything besides exist. We have pressures and expectations of society ingrained in our brains and deep into our consciousness, however, it truly doesn’t matter if you just exist and do not “accomplish” worldly goals. Even if you obtain a tonne of success or fame or money, it doesn’t matter. A person who literally did nothing but sat in their room is (spiritually) valued the same as a Rihanna or Elvis. I don’t like making these type of posts but I don’t like seeing people beat themselves up because they are comparing themselves to people living fast lives, living on the edge or who have wealth.
Saturday, 28 December 2013
Sunday, 16 June 2013
I truly respect the people who stay strong even when they have every right to break down.
Well hello there! ;)
........
fuaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr.......... ***
^you know how I'm gonna end so I leave it there haha :P
SO WHY THIS NEGATIVITY?
First exam is this Tuesday..... at 6:30pm..... and cramming so bad now :( this is so saddd! Now I really regret why I no study heaps early... blame stupid procastination!
And it's already midnight now.... and it's goonna be a loooong night! Already had caffeine piled up for me lol... usually I'm not a total fan of caffeine and all... but this time... definitely need them! :(
SO... BESIDES THAT NEGATIVITY UP THERE.......
GOOD NIGHT/MORNING/AFTERNOON YA ALL! :D
BYEEEE! ^.^
PS. If you have been reading my blog for quite a while, you'll know that I don't type in big and bold fonts all the time..... today.... is that kind of day.... that I like it boldddd :P
PPS. If you have been reading till here, thankyou :) And CIAO! xoxoxo
........
fuaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr.......... ***
^you know how I'm gonna end so I leave it there haha :P
SO WHY THIS NEGATIVITY?
First exam is this Tuesday..... at 6:30pm..... and cramming so bad now :( this is so saddd! Now I really regret why I no study heaps early... blame stupid procastination!
And it's already midnight now.... and it's goonna be a loooong night! Already had caffeine piled up for me lol... usually I'm not a total fan of caffeine and all... but this time... definitely need them! :(
SO... BESIDES THAT NEGATIVITY UP THERE.......
GOOD NIGHT/MORNING/AFTERNOON YA ALL! :D
BYEEEE! ^.^
PS. If you have been reading my blog for quite a while, you'll know that I don't type in big and bold fonts all the time..... today.... is that kind of day.... that I like it boldddd :P
PPS. If you have been reading till here, thankyou :) And CIAO! xoxoxo
Tuesday, 5 March 2013
love someone else if you truly love the first!
..... besides... from that.... do you know.... that feeling you get
when you got asked out.. XDD
Am I dreaming.....?
Never thought this day will actually come lmfao... :P hmm all
I can say, at the moment, a note for myself... I think I'll let it
be, let it flow naturally and then perhaps see how it turns
out..... this is my first.... hopefully it won't be the last X)
End of da post for today! :)
..... besides... from that.... do you know.... that feeling you get
when you got asked out.. XDD
Am I dreaming.....?
Never thought this day will actually come lmfao... :P hmm all
I can say, at the moment, a note for myself... I think I'll let it
be, let it flow naturally and then perhaps see how it turns
out..... this is my first.... hopefully it won't be the last X)
End of da post for today! :)
Friday, 1 March 2013
TGIF! LOL JOKES!
Nah...... it's actually not really a TGIF today cos it shall be my last free Friday as uni starts on this coming Monday.... fedge.... how lovely! ;) XD
Early PS here.... to be honest, I was really really lazy to update my blog :( *that's why sometimes you see there's inspirational but not personal posts on my blog* especially when we all start using Instagram... It's like another blogging world right there :) And we choose to post photos there instead of blogging here :D XD
Hopefully I can continue to write as much personal posts here as I can since... blogging was once a meaningful hobby to me... but now, Instagram seems to be more important to me! :B GAHHHHHHH technologies improved! :P
AND IT'S M-A-R-C-H already?! WHERE HAS DA TIME GONE? :O has a feeling this year will gone by in a tick! :P muz study hard n play hard this year lol jks haha XD
Anyways, what I was upto today was pretty boring, as usual, bro go to da skool while I stay at home doing random stuffs aka music/piano/reading/jogging/dramas/cleaning etc etc XD
Around evening times, mum was like ceebs cooking haha, let's go to da citay to eat! :D
LOL.... guess where we went haha? If your thinking Utopia............... then haha your right! BINGO! LOL XD typical us tehehehehehehe.....
And whatsmore, I haven't had bubbleteas in agessssssss like a month and a half ago! And I couldn't resist to it this evening! BUMMER! Totally gained back the calories I lost while jogging this morning! XD *so sad..... my affections for bubbleteas :'(* haha XD
AND OMG I cannot believed that Ice Bubble at Karawarra is gone!!!!!! :( gonna miss my passionfruit bubbletea there..... which I get all da time last year LOL XD twas my favourite :'( never liked other's bubbletea place where they had passionfruit... cos I hate it when all the places I went aka Utopia, EasyWay and SweetFix, they all have passionfruit seeds in da drink.... which I adorably hate.... arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ but there's a new drink place there called, "ChaTime" - origin from Taiwan tehehe..... what I saw so many times when it got featured in the dramas I am watching LOL haha XD must try their tea/s when I get there! :D tehehehehehehe *exciting!* heard from other peeps it's good aswell! *even more excitement haha*
Besides from that, work tomorrow *yay! LOL JKS haha :P*!
Clean up thingo on Sunday then something else I dunno what my rent's planned afterwards as Monday shall be da labour day..... "YAY PUBLIC HOLIDAY! LONG WEEKEND!", they say...... LOL JKS that doesn't apply to me.... cos I start uni that day! JOY! :P XD
That's pretty much it for now... I guess! haha XD
Early PS here.... to be honest, I was really really lazy to update my blog :( *that's why sometimes you see there's inspirational but not personal posts on my blog* especially when we all start using Instagram... It's like another blogging world right there :) And we choose to post photos there instead of blogging here :D XD
Hopefully I can continue to write as much personal posts here as I can since... blogging was once a meaningful hobby to me... but now, Instagram seems to be more important to me! :B GAHHHHHHH technologies improved! :P
AND IT'S M-A-R-C-H already?! WHERE HAS DA TIME GONE? :O has a feeling this year will gone by in a tick! :P muz study hard n play hard this year lol jks haha XD
Anyways, what I was upto today was pretty boring, as usual, bro go to da skool while I stay at home doing random stuffs aka music/piano/reading/jogging/dramas/cleaning etc etc XD
Around evening times, mum was like ceebs cooking haha, let's go to da citay to eat! :D
LOL.... guess where we went haha? If your thinking Utopia............... then haha your right! BINGO! LOL XD typical us tehehehehehehe.....
And whatsmore, I haven't had bubbleteas in agessssssss like a month and a half ago! And I couldn't resist to it this evening! BUMMER! Totally gained back the calories I lost while jogging this morning! XD *so sad..... my affections for bubbleteas :'(* haha XD
AND OMG I cannot believed that Ice Bubble at Karawarra is gone!!!!!! :( gonna miss my passionfruit bubbletea there..... which I get all da time last year LOL XD twas my favourite :'( never liked other's bubbletea place where they had passionfruit... cos I hate it when all the places I went aka Utopia, EasyWay and SweetFix, they all have passionfruit seeds in da drink.... which I adorably hate.... arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ but there's a new drink place there called, "ChaTime" - origin from Taiwan tehehe..... what I saw so many times when it got featured in the dramas I am watching LOL haha XD must try their tea/s when I get there! :D tehehehehehehe *exciting!* heard from other peeps it's good aswell! *even more excitement haha*
Besides from that, work tomorrow *yay! LOL JKS haha :P*!
Clean up thingo on Sunday then something else I dunno what my rent's planned afterwards as Monday shall be da labour day..... "YAY PUBLIC HOLIDAY! LONG WEEKEND!", they say...... LOL JKS that doesn't apply to me.... cos I start uni that day! JOY! :P XD
That's pretty much it for now... I guess! haha XD
Friday, 15 February 2013
Sunday, 20 January 2013
YAY!
Woohoo! 500 posts alreadyy..... and just over 5000 page views! :D WOW. To be honest, I'm supaa dupaaa surprised!
Time flies by when your having fun blogging! ;)
Thankyou to all the subscribers/supporters/passer-bys comments and everything else!
BLOGGING 4 LYFE! ;) hehe..
Love all,
Velene xoxo
Time flies by when your having fun blogging! ;)
Thankyou to all the subscribers/supporters/passer-bys comments and everything else!
BLOGGING 4 LYFE! ;) hehe..
Love all,
Velene xoxo
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
Monday, 2 July 2012
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
Sunday, 17 June 2012
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