Scrolling through old text messages between this guy and I at this late of the night. Feeling the sadness, emotions and mixed feelings spread once more through my bones. Memories overwhelm me. At this time of the night, they tale control and the sadness focuses on you...

It's actually so alarming to see how I myself replied/reacted to certain sensitive topics 2 years ago compared to how I would face them now... I realised I have changed/grown up. I can't believe I actually was so naive back then... I can't believe back then I overreacted to even such "normal" stuff and made several fusses...

The Cycle.

You meet someone. You two get close. It’s all great for awhile. Then someone stops trying. Talk less. Awkward conversations. The drifting. No communication whatsoever. Memories start to fade. Then that person you know becomes that person you knew. That’s how it usually goes, right? Sad, isn’t it?

When someone compliments me I wish I could say more than just a thankyou. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by all of them, whether it’s about my appearance, personality or actions. I don’t like it when someone compliments me without me having to say thank you or not. I mean I appreciate them all, but at times I don’t want to come off as cocky or full of myself. Even if I don’t agree some will think I’m fishing for more.

Been missing someone a lot lately... he has been on my mind like 24/7, even the songs in my iPod playlist somehow relates back to what happened between us. I do admit though for countless times that I wanted to just text him a "I miss you" text but I ended up deleting every letter I typed... because it hit me why is it impossible for us to get back together anymore and more importantly, what made me step back in the beginning.
They say time heals everything. Why isn't it healing for me? Why am I still dwelling on him? Why is he still on my mind? Is it because that he always unpredictably and unexpectedly start a conversation out of nowhere with me and I realised how much I missed him? Why can't I let go? Why is there still a tiny piece of me still believing that there's a chance we will meet one day and start anew and afresh again? Maybe it's the promise he gave. Maybe it's also why my mum who too have joined in the loop, encourages me to wait. Just maybe because of all the little bitsy reasons out there, they add up to develop to such a great effect, even time itself cannot beat.

I wish I had someone to look over me. I wish I had a guardian angel. Someone who would take care of me, comfort me when I’m sad, hold me when I need it, and just someone who would be there for me. Someone that knows me inside and out, someone who know me better than myself.

MOTIVATION.

We all want it.
We all need it.
We all dream about it.
And we all wish for it.
A life without problems, I wish there were such a thing.
People will go against you.
People will talk shit about you, and they’ll do the best they can and try to take you down.
It’s all on you to stay strong.  It’s all on your reactions. Whatever you react to them, they’ll still always make it hard or even harder. Do bad, they’ll try to make it worse. Do good, they’ll still try to put you down. But, when you do fall, get right back up and “push” back harder.
Shit always happens, no matter what, you’ll get the courage to get through it.
So don’t give up, live life to the fullest! :)

I am not myself anymore.

I am not that individual I was a month ago or years ago. Things have changed and even I have changed. I am not saying that I've changed entirely, but I've noticed as the days go by, its the little things. My preferences, what I like/dislike, etc.
You might ask, "Isn't it a bit late for me to change?" and that I can guarantee you that change is never too late, everyone change little by little everyday.
It is a bit frightful because I’m growing out of my shell. I am like a geode. I am sure you’re wondering what the hell is a geode. Well a geode is a huge hard rock and when you break that rock inside, there is a hidden yet amazing crystal. I am that crystal and my future is growing closer and clearer as time is passing by.

I often get this crippling fear that I won’t be remembered.. that I haven’t done anything worth to be remembered by. It’s like I'll be that book you read so many seasons ago, the one you read without really reading. The one you currently can’t recall the name of.

And hence why at the age of 16, I have always wanted to leave a legacy. A legacy of me that will stay forever.. when I'm gone one day...

Love is love.

Whether it’s between a guy and a girl, a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl, love is love. 
Even if people think that it’s not right whether it’s against their beliefs/religions or merely because it’s just “disgusting,” how can you stop two people from loving each other, regardless of their genders? It’s something the whole of the society shouldn’t even think twice about. Why? Because love is between the two people. It’s their problem. It’s no one else’s business but theirs.