Last day of July.

It’s been awfully long since I've written something that I’m proud of. I haven’t been posting much if you haven’t noticed. It’s rare for me to actually write these days, simply because I don’t find a need to. I’ve finally reached that point where my words are shortened when there’s not much to complain or vent about. I think it would be safe to say that I have grown out that stage in my life where I was so used to my emotions overtaking me as a person and that I’m no longer a emotional individual who likes to depend on others to fill the hollowness I feel inside.

These days, after experiencing all the heartbreaking lessons I’ve been forced to learn, I’m numb to an extreme, I’m numb to my feelings, to the people around me and to my surroundings. I pushed people far away. I’m not exactly sure how I got like this or what made me a completely different person than who I was a year or two back but what I do know is I was once too caring, I cared too much only to receive broken promises in return. And quite frankly, I think the best way to not let your emotions get the best of you is to be carefree. Carefree as in letting yourself go — don’t mind the silent whispers others have said about you, don’t mind the perspectives of another when it comes to yourself and don’t be afraid to show who you really are, don’t fight against your feelings, let them out. Cry if you want to, scream if you want to but make sure to pick yourself up afterwards. Take a glance in the mirror to really discover your true self and what is hidden deep within the layers of your skin.

I say this because I know ten, twenty years from now I will reflect back on what kind of person I was at this very moment of time and laugh at myself for always being so over-caring. And it’s stupid, because is that really who I want to be? Twenty years into the future, nobody is going to remember what you wore on a certain day, what you have said in the past or how you were like today because nothing we wear, nothing we say, nothing we do will matter. Twenty years from now, nobody will care about you as much as they used to because they got their own life now. Twenty years from now, the people who once gave you so much to remember will only become a distanced memory, blurry in mind, painless in thought. Twenty years from now, what will be important is how you portray yourself. Either way, it’s never too early to get your priorities straightened out. Don’t mind the people or things that are causing you stress now. You’ll thank yourself later.