It’s crazy how one minute you are making all these plans and promises with someone and then the next minute they are out of your life. All it takes is one moment, one word, or one misunderstanding to create a ridiculously large amount of doubts and pain. It’s easy to forget a person, but the words, the feelings, and the anticipations that you two have once built stays forever. It digs holes into your heart, and it simply hurts.

I’ve become a silent person once again.

Enclosing myself away in the shadows that slowly creep up to cover me. When did I become so quiet? When will I learn how to speak out my thoughts physically and mentally? The type of person to shut themselves from everything around them, only to hear nothing but silence and darkness devouring me.

Being too quick to judge will only have you miss out on the right people. Too quick to judge as in when you assumes the worst scenarios when you hear or see something in which you imagine to be unpleasant, and without even giving the person involved a chance to explain the truth, that person is automatically sentenced to death by you, it’s as if the person is dying for a crime they never committed. I don’t know, I just think there are so much things left unsaid and unheard, because so many of us pass up the opportunity of listening to the untold.

FIVE stages of a relationship.

I. The "meet" － when you first meet someone you’re interested in, probably attracted by their outside appearances. Your curiosity kicks in and you have this urge of getting to know them more, on a personal level.

II. The "talk" － you guys start talking, you get to know each other better and slowly, you guys begin to develop feelings. Then you become a part of each other’s daily routine, and your day feels incomplete when you don’t talk to him/her.

III. The "honeymoon" stage － when your relationship gets to a point where you can’t go through the whole day without thinking about your significant other. You get butterflies by the mention of their name, your smile like a idiot while checking their texts, your friends ask you “so who’s this new girl/guy?” because they notice how much happier you have been. After a while, they become the source of your happiness and you try to make time out of your day just so you guys can talk. You both begin to lose a large amount of sleep but it doesn't seem to matter, you guys are satisfied as long as you guys are giving each other company.

IV. Relationship downhill － when you guys are constantly fighting about nothing. You feel as if he/she doesn't care and you try to stop yourself from caring too much. You refuse to be the first to hit them up, yet you check your non-stop hoping for a text/call from them, but always end up in disappointment. You do whatever it takes to keep your mind off of them and try to keep yourself busy, yet you still find yourself wondering if they ever think of you, because all you do is think about them.

V. Strangers, again － when no effort is coming from any of you guys. You feel completely broken, you blame the other person for everything and eventually, both of you stop trying. You finally find the courage to erase them from your life, you tell yourself “I will move on” and hope for everything to get better.

And... in the end, you guys end up as strangers, again.

"You deserved so much better."

This phrase always hit a chord in me..... I then realised.... we so often say this.... in the midst of rejecting others.

I wish I never liked you.

Here's a post I wrote ages ago but have never got the time/feel to post. Now that it has been so many months, it doesn't faze me anymore, nevertheless, I'd love to share x

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I wish I didn’t waste all those times talking to you or thinking about you. I wish I didn’t worry or cared about all the times you ignored me. I wish I never got excited everytime you made me feel special, I wish I never believed every word you said. I wish I never got my hopes high for you. And I wish I never kept trying and trying, knowing I would just go through the same thing. Because in the end, the one that gets hurt isn’t you. It’s me.

I feel as if I am still waiting on my life to start. Eventhough I am living it right now, I feel stuck because I am not doing what I want with my life.

I once was with a guy that told me he didn't like girls that parties and drinks, and he liked me because I was innocent and cute. 7 months later we stopped seeing each other. A week later he dated a girl that parties and drinks. She was the complete opposite of me. I often wonder if he lied about his ideal type the entire time we're together. I was never what he wanted. They broke up after 2 weeks. He came to see me and wanted to start over. I didn't take him back. I knew we were so different. They say opposites attract, but I say opposites also don't last. Similar people also don't last. What will work in the end is only IF you want it to work. My thinking is a lot more mature than how I am being perceived for whatever reason. I honestly think guys don't really see that.. because they don't know the me inside. They see cute and that's all they know.

Mirror, the world I see behind you has become so distant to me. What am I doing with my life? I know who I am, I know where I should be.... but is this all I ever wanted?

I do not want to settle for what I have at the moment.

But how can I feel not so "lost"...?