Naps are the worst kind of temptation.. They promise you rest and wellness but leave you with a cloudy headache and an inescapable drowsiness the rest of the day.

Constructive criticism is good criticism, remember that.

I started thinking today, and I realised how many great people are in my life.

And it’s not to say that the great people can completely erase all of the people who make me feel bad or all of the crap situations I have to deal with, but they make them better.

Because at the end of the day, at least someone’s there. At least there are people who try to make me happy and who like to be with me.

At least there’s something like that to give me faith :)

Today while I was thinking about life, it suddenly hit me how long it is. People say life is short, and sure in the long run it might feel like that. But as I was contemplating the fact that the average lifespan is about 80 or 90 years, I thought, “How will I possibly live until then without getting bored? I have already endured so much. If I endure five times more than I already have, I will surely go insane, either from boredom, or from pain, or even both.”

But the only thing I really want out of life is to feel like there is a purpose. How do people live their entire lives without not wanting to die? I am not saying this in a morbid or, “life sucks I really don’t want to live anymore” way. It’s just that, from now on, I want my goal to be this: I never want to be bored with life as a whole. I want there to always be something that excites me. And when I look back at my life, I want to be able to say that I loved it wholeheartedly - the good parts and the bad. 

I want to be a better me.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and dislike who I see or anything. I have just decided that it is time for another milestone in my development.

As most of you know, for the past 2 months, I was really stressed out with the situations and events that have occurred in my life, I find myself being unusually frustrated and hopeless. And I don’t want to be any of those things. I take pride in being a bundle of good vibes and good energies – and being those things make me feel uncomfortable.

I’ve always been the person who people come to, and still do to talk about their problems, or just to have a good talk. Always have been the bubbly, optimistic, and happy person I have been. I believe I am still that person, but there has been situations where I used to be able to ignore these negativity feels and focus on the good to where I have been a “savage”. I apologise because I’m realizing that’s not me. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m not perfect and I’m far from it. I realise that my past experiences in life and things I’ve been through have made me the way I am, and I’m trying to change it for the better.

The fact is, it seems, that the most you can hope for is to be a little less, in the end, the creature you were in the beginning, and in the middle. I am kind, and humble enough to know that I am simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday. Today I am grateful for all the people that are loving and kind to me.

It feels good to know that my future is in a better place than it was a couple months ago. I’m making great strides towards something big that will not only reward me, it will reward the ones around me in a big way.

When you feel empty, you should do something for yourself. Because the last time I felt this way was when I realised I started living for everyone else. Inattentively. I know it sounds cliche but crap happens. We get distracted by things, whatever it may be, you start to lose perspective, feeling empty and alone. Do things you have to and not because you want to. It just makes you feel like you’re running on empty. So start doing something for you, something that would strictly be exciting. 

I know what it feels like. I know how it feels to love someone so much that you start to believe that you love them more than the way they love you. You constantly feel like you are the only one putting in any effort, and the only one that wants to spend time with them. They do not show you enough, they do not tell you enough, and that is what makes you over think situations. I know how it feels to love, but I also know what it feels like to feel like you are the only one giving it your all and the only one that loves the most. I know what it feels like because I’ve been through it too. 

Meh.

Thinking back, I realised so many of the relationships in my life lack much substance, and I crave so much more. I used to think it was just the people that I associated myself with and that eventually the right people will gravitate into my life, but now I’m thinking that I suck and it’s my own doing for not nurturing my relationships the way that they should be tended to.

I love the fact that I am comfortable enough to be alone. I don’t waste my time trying to seek affirmation from people who don’t care. I don’t mess with people who don’t put in effort. I don’t need other peoples’ presence to feel whole. You want to leave? The door is open.