Self isolating and then getting upset when you see your friends having fun without you and using this to validate the notion that nobody really needs you or will miss you if you’re gone.

Does it bother anyone else that there are parts of your life you don’t remember? You have done and said things that you don’t even know about anymore. That means you don’t even have the right perception of yourself because you don’t even fully know who you are. However, something that you’ve forgotten about could be a prominent memory in somebody else’s mind. It trips me out.

To be honest

I have a hard time talking about my feelings and thoughts because, one, I really don’t want to burden anyone with my problems, two, I don’t trust that people will listen without any preconceived judgments, and three, I don’t expect anyone to understand. Also, it should go without saying that these things are meant to be confidential, but for some reason, people like to talk.

So here’s a shout out to the people that ask “are you okay?” and “what’s wrong?” not because they’re curious, but because they actually care. I don’t like to be needy all the time and I’ve learned how to handle problems on my own, but that little reassurance that I’m not alone is definitely always welcome. I know that talk is cheap, and “I’m here for you” is such a cliché comfort line, but to the people who have proved over and over again that I don’t have to keep everything to myself, and that it’s good to let things out every once in awhile… thankyou. Thankyou so much, and I can only hope that I’m as good of a friend to you as you are to me. 

Have you guys ever had that feeling of never being good enough for your parents to be proud of you?

Like no matter how much you try to make them happy they never actually care. Today, somehow I felt that way, I feel like no matter how much their friends compliment me, they still kept a straight face, like they don’t care. And they try any possible ways out there to bring my self esteem down. I try so hard to be a good daughter to them and all they've shown me is they want more. It’s like they’re never satisfied with anything I do. I know that I’m raised in a traditional, asian family but I can’t get their support. Maybe I’m thinking too much but this is how I feel. I guess they just take the stuff I do for granted, like they take me for granted. Maybe I don’t really mean to them as much as I did before. I know I’m growing up and all, but that doesn't mean they can stop caring about my feelings. I still need them to walk me through my life and show that they’re proud of how much I've grown. I don’t know about them, but in my eyes I’ll always be their baby girl. 

I never liked you anyway. Or maybe I did. Nothing matters anyway.

As silly as it sounds, I’m afraid to love. I can feel my bones shake and tremble when the subject of love gets brought up. I’m afraid to jump in, head on and love fearlessly and carelessly.. The thought of trusting someone so much and to give them all of me, makes me want to hide and never face it ever again. Change is constant and I don’t know if I’m emotionally stable enough to ever deal with it again, no matter how much I want to feel being in love. Lovers come and go, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to let someone in and have the ability to break me. It’s too complex, it makes my mind uneasy to think about how badly I’ve been hurt to be this afraid. It’s sad to know how much damage someone has gone through to be so afraid to experience the best feeling life has to offer..

You think you’re loving too hard in your relationship. You think you’re doing too much. But that’s not it.
It’s that you’re not getting enough in return.
If the person was going just as hard as you were, you wouldn’t feel the need to pull back.
It’s the one sided-ness you feel.
Not the loving too hard.

To be honest, this is the worst.
I pray I will never be in this situation again.

How is it possible to be friends with someone you have a thing for? I mean you flirt and all but you know there's more to it. You remind yourself you’re nothing more than friends just so you don’t feel pressured to be in a relationship. The more you talk, the closer you get but it gets to the point where you want to distance yourself because of the possibility of falling for that person (again). Maybe it's for the best.

When you have a person that is willing to give you their all, don’t take them for granted and give them your all back. When you finally have someone who cares about you a lot, someone who is loyal, someone who will do anything and everything for you, take a step back and realise what you have. Because once they start to realise that you do not deserve any of that and because you do not give it your 120%, they will start to give you less attention and less everything.
So cherish what you have, it can be gone in a blink of a second.