You know what turns me on? Effort. Assurance. Show me you care. That you really want me. I’m tired of doubting whether people are coming or going.

Sometimes I tend to think about my past a lot. I mean everyone does, right? You start thinking about what you’ve been through with your life. Reminiscing everything. Then you start to regret. Asking yourself all this questions. Why did I do this and that? Why him? Why her? After that, you get sad and depress. You end up crying because you miss those days back then. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything and you can’t go back. Because all there’s left is nothing but memories.

And... happy 1st of June everybody :) x

Do you ever feel like there’s something that’s mentally bothering you, but you just can’t put your finger on it? And even when you’re trying to ignore it, it’s demanding to be felt.

I'm at that point.

.. where I’m just done with all of the obstacles and curve-balls life has to throw at you just to make your life that much more difficult. I’m done trying to put up a smile everyday and struggle my way through everything. I just want to be at that place, the highest point in my life where all my emotions turn into joy because everything is going right for once.
Can i just please please please get there already life?

Maturity.

I’ve been though a lot of shit, did some fcked up things and said things I probably shouldn’t have said but you can’t learn from your mistakes without experimentation. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” human being but you can always strive for it. I’ve learned to have more of an open mind and never to judge. I've learned to handle things face to face, listen to the other sides' opinion before jumping to conclusions. Even if you think you’ve been through the most, there’s still a lot more to learn through age.. and I’m ready for that.

Today I was asked if I had a boyfriend, and then asked if I wanted one. I found myself answering: "no, and not really".
I don’t know anyone who I want to have that kind of relationship with right now. And I am pretty happy being single. Even… calm and at peace.
I’d really just like some good friends right now; to hang out, laugh, and share life with as it comes. I may meet a man who changes that somewhere down the road, but I don’t know. I feel content without having a boyfriend with no feeling of needing one. It’s not something you “get”. It’s someone you keep going with after you realize who they are and how they change your life being in it. You kinda just keep making the decision to walk on together and grow. I like that a lot more than being out to find something because you feel it is missing. It’s less what it fills in your life and more what he adds, in a way.

One of the most important things I’ve learnt from my experience in life is that I shouldn’t limit myself from doing stuff I want to do just because I’ll be alone in doing it. Whether it be a lifestyle change, doing something or going somewhere it's good to know that I’ll be fine solo instead of needing someone to be there too.

I think the weirdest thing is having left over information about someone. Like I still know someone’s favourite girl's name. Or their favorite season. Or someone’s address. I remember someone’s favourite icecream flavors. And someone’s favourite childhood book. And the mental disorder their cousin has. I remember the ages and birthdays of their siblings. I remember the song they said they’d sing to their spouse. Where do I put this down? Where do I learn to forget?

Currently at a critical point in my life where I’ve got too many important things on my plate for me to worry and stress out over petty problems. I keep telling myself that I do not need to be wasting so much of my time and energy on stuff that won’t even matter in a year or two. It’s time I prioritise better and divert my attention to what actually matters.