When I was younger, I used to hear people say "love yourself" and just think " who doesn't?"....
but now 10 years later, I sit and think, "who does?"

Another failed attempt.

"People do not die from suicide, they die from sadness."

The whole day today was really challenging. The worst feeling is wanting to cry but having to hold it in because I was in public and had to pretend to smile and laugh all day because my job needs it.

My thoughts were destroying me. I tried not to think but the silence was a killer too.

It’s like…. I’m not saying I’m going to hang myself, or shoot myself; nothing like that. It’s more like, if I am walking on the railroad tracks and the train is coming, I don’t care enough to move.

The problem with suicidal thoughts is that they’re not just there when your sad. You’ll be there, chilling, reading a book or talking to a friend and you’ll think: "This is nice. But do you know what would be better? Death."

My favourite - 

"If you had the chance to kill yourself without hurting the ones you love, would you?"

In a heartbeat.

Don’t you think it's sad how we keep ourselves alive for our friends and family but they’re one of the reasons we don’t want to be alive in the first place?

How should I feel fine when suicide is all that's on my mind?

I  just feel like, if I die, everything will be ok.

I don't need no funeral, just burn my body to ashes and spread to the sea, and that's my final wish.

I am the type of child to hold everything in, always.

I’ll let you speak out all you want and everything at me. I’ll let you have your say. I won’t stop your judging and assumptions. Bark at me, bite at me, break me all you want. You like to see me bleed out everything, so do it, I am letting you. The one that will cry only in the darkness corners alone. The one that will break once she’s alone. I am the type that has thoughts that run and crash in her mind. The mind that is a victim of the soul. The mind that has a voice but is cowardly genuine to let out. What will it do anyways, it’s not going to change your parental ways, it’ll only make things worse.

I can't do this anymore. Suicidal thoughts come running back to me again. Death is the solution. 

Failed many times, but there won't be anymore.

Tomorrow is the day. 

Time to choose a place.

Night is the best time.

Goodbye earth.

I'm sorry to all the people that love me, but I have enough.

To those who hate me, I know for the fact that you all will be happy and rejoice for I will be gone.

I'm actually a really shy person.

When you first meet me, our conversation is going to be awkward because I would have absolutely no idea what to talk about. It’s also worse when you’re cute. But if you wait a little, I’ll eventually get comfortable around you. Then I’ll start talking so much that it’ll probably annoy you. 

Chapter 2016. Page 1 of 365. Let’s begin.
Happy New Year everyone! Woke up feeling fresh after spending my new years eve with my family :)

I miss the past...

A lot has changed in just one year.. It is hard to believe that the people I used to think would always be there for me are now gone and are no longer in my life. It hurts to see old photos and read old chats that are there to only remind me of what used to be better days with people I never thought I’d lose :/ but I know that with everything that has happened I have grown and became stronger eventhough I lost them, I wouldn’t change anything because it was their choice and I am who I am today because of the past. I hope the future brings much joy and hope for me.. and to all my new friends whom I have made so far and to my loved ones whom stuck it out with me, now and forever, I thankyou and appreciate everything you guys have done for me.

I left the party early and called it a night due to the fact that I lacked enthusiasm and had a really bad vibe. I think just being around people has triggered some kind of emotional state making me feel sad, as if I don’t belong. The worst thing was that whilst I was on the way back home I felt like crying and all I could think about was what has happened to me this year.. How much it has impacted me. I feel like at this exact moment in my life everything is out of my control zone and I can’t do anything to change or fix anything, like I am glued to this path that confuses me and frustrates me. I feel alone yet when I am around people I tend to isolate myself and close myself from the world. I didn’t use to be like this, it didn't use to be like this but so much has happened all at once.. I want to just explode with anger and hurt! I just hope... 2016 will be good to me... 

If you don’t know what you want then I don’t even know what you’re trying for here with me. Because I’m not gonna wait around for you to make up your mind. I've got more important things to worry about then whether or not we’re gonna be together. I have myself to think about, my happiness, and what I want for myself in the future. I’m sorry but I won’t let anyone get in the way of that, I'm not gonna get caught up in something that I don’t know is worth it or not.

So many times have I felt as if no one gets me.

I feel as if no one truly can understand why I am the way I am, or why I do things the way I do. I guess a lot of people feel this way, wonder this way, and ask themselves why or how. Why did this happen, why did that happen, why am I feeling the way I am?

I think most people in their lives at one point or another, have felt like they were walking on a cold-isolated path. A path where only their footsteps on the ground were to be seen. A path where lights started to fade away as the passage got narrower. A path where they felt as if they were alone like they had no one to talk to, no one there that would listen and no one there to offer a hand.

But if only, it wasn't this way. It shouldn't have to be this way if maybe us individuals took the time to actually understand each other without judgement, we could have realise that we are not so alone after all.