(: Quick drop by~

Oh why hello there everyoneee! :D 

Just realised, today's a special day in my blogging part of my life :') 
On the 4th March 2012, twas my first post in starting this blog and I'm so glad, I have actually stick with it... till now! :D 

So happy 2nd anniversary to enjoyin le lyfe~! 

Hip hip hooray!!

Ta for now! :) xoxo

WAKAWAKAWAKA. Uni officially starts today :'( byebye holidays.... I will miss you very much :P but I think I have enough of fun anyways, time to get serious and work hard this semester ay! :) Don't think I'll be blogging much either (aka everyday like I did during the holidays)..... but I'll definitely drop by when I get any tinny weeny chance to do so! :D 

Ta for now! :)

Love,

Velene

It’s really time I change. for a better me.

I’m getting older, and I've wasted too much time caring for people who don’t care for me. I spent too much time hating people who hate me when I should’ve been spending time loving people who love me. I've spent too much time being afraid and letting my trust and pride issues get the best of me and control my life. I just want to be happy and make my loved ones happy. If you don’t hear from me it might be because you judged me or brought negativity into my life. I only have time for positive things and love. I want to really change my life around and it’s time that I do it... for my own good.
Afterall, 2014 is a year of change, and it’s time that I begin making these changes.

"If you love something, let it go, if it comes back, it was always yours."

I don’t know how to feel about this cliché quote. How does anybody have the right to say “if you love something, let it go”? It makes no sense to me. If you love someone, you should be there for them. Down to ride, through thick and thin, fire and ice. Making their happiness, wellness, and wholeness your own. If you love someone and they treat you like shit - you let them go. And if they come back, you spit in their face and tell them you refuse to settle for someone that treats you with no respect. As much as love between two people can be so pure and special, nothing is more special than the love that you have within yourself.

Confession: 2 am.

I'm not going to tell you I miss you.

But.

I do.

Lately I haven’t been feeling like myself. Something’s missing, and I can’t put my finger on it. I feel empty. 

“Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that’s where I imagine it - there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library.” - Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Late night thinkings..... about the unknown "future".

To be honest, I'm so worried about my future.

"It's normal.", you might say but I hate this feeling of hopelessness and fear.

I’m scared that I won’t succeed or accomplish my dreams. I totally wasn't on a smooth pathway in the past two years, there were so many bumpy roads, I got pushed to the edge/corner so many times, and I have always wonder (even till now!) "how the hell did I survive that and move on as if nothing happened?". But then again, to think thoroughly, eventhough I was so unlucky in mostly the 'academic' side, I was always surrounded with positive people like friends, strangers, and most importantly, my family. They were always there when I was down. They reminded me that this is just life. Maybe I have to suffer now, and there will a sweet ending to this? Life is really strange sometimes and complicated in some ways. And it is definitely true that life don't have all ups every time, it's a mixture of both. And I've experienced both so far and I still have a long way to go. And by this, it has always made me skeptical of how is it going to be a 'sweet ending' aka my future.

This might all have been an easier (not easy, easier) decision to make if when I was young, someone forced on me the idea of becoming a doctor or a dentist or a vet or a lawyer so that I would grow up thinking that it would be the ideal job for me. No questions asked.
But no, I grew up where I was able to choose. To do anything I wanted. To dream big.
Some might think this is an amazing situation to be put in, so then why am I complaining?
On a point of note though, not everyone (or maybe this is just me) wants the decision to be put in their hands. Some people like their choices to be made by someone else, someone with better sense, logic and experience.

I think I said this before in my previous getaway post/reflection that something's hinting me that this year is going to be different. Ya that has hit me. realistically.

People said it's gonna be worth it in the end. But at this stage, I feel so hopeless. regret. stupid. lost. depressed. empty.

Through it all I am so grateful to be blessed with supportive and helpful parents. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without them. These aren't just words, I have made it this far not by my own efforts, but by theirs.

Failure. Is. Not. An. Option. 

Uni's starting this coming Monday and I already am starting to stress about it. >.< So many things are happening at the moment and I just wish for the time being that I can escape this place call reality and just not feel.

I felt like I can't change anything now, like there's no other options/choices out there.

I feel so lost. Help. I am nothing but a broken soul.

I wish I could just get a peek of my future to know that I’ll at least be okay.

Stop expecting, stop waiting, stop hoping, stop trying, stop crying, just stop them... you need to stop cause then it will be the start of happiness, so please stop.... remember all you have is yourself and that’s all you need, nothing more.