Food for thought

Let's be honest, we know there are some people are just sh*t and that's just who they are.

I’m a firm believer that the universe brings us people to teach us something, motivate change, and be the strength we need for that moment.

I’m independent, know what I want, and I’m meant to do great things. I can’t wait to bring all my loves along to share my gratitude. But I also send love to those feeling insecure and stuck. I hope that everyone can find their centre.

My point is, it is time to raise our vibrations, to attract more abundance. 

Today and everyday, I am thankful.

Someday, I want to travel somewhere. Somewhere exotic. A trip with no destination and no time limitation, to all the places that I've only dreamed of going. No longer will I only be seeing these places in visual illusions of black and white, my dark, dreamy and unreal images will come to life as my mind is exposed to all the bizarre colors that are painted by the beautiful sights around the world.

Travelling lightly, my bags will only hold a few change of clothes. With my loved one not behind me, not in front of me, but joining me by my side, we will make this experience ever-lasting. During the trip, I want to set myself at ease. I want to be free of all emotions, as well as all thoughts. I won’t let anything get in my way of me enjoying myself, I will take control like a captain spinning his wheel and guide the way.

Not only do I want to see flows of treading waters, I also want to walk through the sandy beaches barefoot, I want to feel the grains of sand escape through my toes. I want to lay down on a blanket, feel the breezy wind blow in my hair as I fall asleep counting the stars that shine as bright as my significant other’s eyes. I want to see all the animals I don’t know the names of. I want to try different types of food until I’m too full to pick up another piece to stuff into my mouth. I want to send post cards in different languages from all the cities I visit. I want to be able to smell, taste, sense, and feel all the fine things the world has hidden. I want to make my trip a story worth telling. 

New year, new feels, new chances. Same dreams, fresh starts.

Happy new year everyone.. (well to those who're still here)! I'm a bit late with the new year greeting because I have involuntarily took some time to unplug from blogging for the holidays. On top of that, I've been feeling a bit stuck in a creative rut over at my beauty blog - if you aren't sure what I'm talking about - here's the link to refresh your mind: https://thebeautyandfoodspace.blogspot.com.au/.
I hate that I feel this way and I feel so much guilt every week because I know I'm letting a lot of people down over there. I hate that I haven't been on my A game last year and so I swore to myself that even I don't blog, I still have to at least post on instagram (https://www.instagram.com/melon_yu) daily, which has been achievable so far and I really want give a HUGE thank you for constantly supporting me despite anything.

Pushing from the negatives above, I swear that's the last!

2017 was quick. But 2017 was healing. It was realising that after all the damage done in 2016, I can still be okay. And that throughout my life, I will fluctuate in my ‘okay-ness’ and that’s completely okay.

I’ve started 2018 with a clear mind, clear goals and a heart ready for anything this year holds!
I pray we all find ourselves abundantly blessed and favoured this year and find joy even when we feel like we’re not.

Reflecting on last year, these are the lessons I've learnt -

• You cannot be broken.

This year has taught me that you/I/we cannot be broken. 2016 was my relapse year. I promised myself end of 2016 to live bravely in 2017. I've learnt that bad days will come around more often than you would like and are sometimes so paralysing that I forget what it is I am living for but yet, here I am today - alive, breathing, hoping; optimistic about the new year because while yes, it might take time and effort and sometimes tears, I know (we) will always bounce back after hitting the ground but it is up to (us) to make that commitment and vow to keep trying.

• There is only so much others can do to help you because the rest is really up to yourself.

It sounds like we are all alone in this world right? But no we're not, we're all in this together. What I truly meant, is that there's only so much saving other people can do for you. Growing up, I have this romanticized belief that there is someone out there who can "save" you from yourself - like a prince charming saving his damsel in distress. But that's not the reality. I've had many people - family, friends, strangers - who have tried. You can go see so many doctors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists (the list goes on)... you can pour your heart and soul out to friends, family, strangers... but their help is hopeless if you can't help yourself first. It's not easy... because this is the reality. 

• Life gives you opportunities even when your world is breaking apart.

I can't stress this enough, yes eventhough what ever is happening in your shoes right now, whether it be relationship breakup, fights or just your world is tearing apart, let it be known that, there are new doors out there waiting for you to open, it’s just about getting out of bed and going for them (literally). There have been many opportunities that have come my way in 2017. Opportunities that would not have presented themselves if things had not turned out the way they did. These opportunities were my saving grace. Had I not found the willingness to go for them, I would feel more lost than I currently do. 

Yes, there are many things in life that are beyond our control. But I think we often forget that there are things that we can control. Like our ability to make decisions. To go out and try new things. To be brave and find that fleeting seconds of courage and take that leap of faith.

• Cut the negatives and cherish the positives

Yep quite frankly as the statement above, I've completely remove all the negative people since the start of last year - those people that you know don’t wish you well, that you know are secretly happy when you fail. Those selfish, manipulative people who expect you to bend over backwards for them but won’t lift a finger for you. Letting all that go was truly a blessing in disguise and I can't be more grateful for the leap of faith I've decided to do. It has made me cherish those who are truly there for me, who inspire me everyday to be better. 

Tip: Burn the bridges if you need to. It’s not a destructive habit. Sometimes, it’s the most constructive burning you will ever do. And I've learnt that it is not a bad thing at all because burning bridges saves you.

And finally,

• Love yourself.

"Falling in love with yourself first doesn't make you vain or selfish, it makes you indestructible"

You have to learn to truly love yourself. Because this is the way you can achieve your inner peace. Be happy and confident with who you are and work on accepting and loving every part of yourself. I promise you, the quality of your life will literally improve by 500%.

In 2017, I have learnt to overcome my insecurities, be confident and spend my energy in things I love, living my life in my shoes, rather than getting influenced by others.


Yep this is it! To be honest, I could go on and on with the individual thing I've learnt, but I've decided to stop here because (a) it's getting quite late and I have work in the morning tomorrow and (b) I have learnt that I am enough for what I do regardless, so if I were asked what I've learnt last year, these will be what I'd answer.

Ending this post with -

Goal for this year: smile more and worry less! Positive vibes (again, yes again for infinite years!) only, bring on 2018!

Hope all your dreams come true in 2018,

Melon x

I have accustomed myself to the bitterness of black tea, so is my tongue and so is my nose to the nice aroma; and so is the music quietly filling my room with desolate sighs. I’m craving a late-night conversation, or revelation, or simple consolation.. whichever comes first.

To any depressed people following me -

I just want to put this out here in case there’s anyone who feels and experiences depression and any sorts of emotion instability/ies.

I swore that I would kill myself before ever hitting 23 because life was so miserable and I didn’t think things would ever get better. And like, life is still miserable, don’t get me wrong, I’m not gonna tell you “it gets better”, but I want to let you know from experience that life gets a LITTLE more fun. When you learn how to drive, when you start making your own money, things seem a little different. Things change. I’m not saying you won’t be sad anymore because chances are you probably will be, but you’ll experience new things and you have the chance to interact with new groups of people. It’s kinda fun and kinda cool and you deserve to at least experience the changes before ending things permanently. 

That feel when your day is going fine but then you get reminded of something traumatic few years ago and you start crying and can’t stop and literally dying would be better than this. 

A l o n e

At least in hell it's burning. I'm not even burning. I am void, empty, souless, nothing.

Nothing makes me feel motivated.

Nothing makes me want to live.

There is nothing I look forward to.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

I am nothing.

I wish someone would tell me to jump. To let go of everything here on Earth. To finally end my suffering. That's when I feel as though someone finally cares.

I am so sick of people telling me everything will be OK. That I need to stay strong, stay positive. That I am an inspiration, that I am creative and talented and above all else, loved.

Bullshit.

Look at me.

I'm alone.

I should write.
But all the passion inside me,
has been burned out.