I’m afraid I’m not the type of person who can easily forget and let go because I don’t do things half-heartedly. There’s no gray area. I either bare all or I don’t at all.

And sometimes I cannot help but to wonder - Am I writing to remember, or to get rid of these memories? 

The stages of recovery

It is a vicious cycle I tell ya..

Stage 1: 

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Stage 2: 

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Stage 3: 

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in… it’s a habit… but my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Stage 4: 

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Stage 5:

 I walk down a different street. 

I really hate it when someone makes me second guess myself.

I don’t know whether it’s a good or bad thing.. I mean, it makes me think of the possible outcomes and it makes me be more cautious about my decisions. But I hate it. I hate how I can’t just go with the flow and see where life leads me itself.

We have all experienced something that makes us want to disappear.

Things that can ruin our moods and feelings. Things that make us feel worthless. Things that makes us go crazy and insane. Which leads to depression, which leads to suicidal thoughts. And if by any chance you are feeling as if you want to commit suicide, please don’t. Because I want you to clear out these thoughts. I want you to abolish yourself of this idea that you’re meaningless, that you are worthless. Clear your mind.

If you ever feel the need to commit suicide, I want you to know that: I want you to be content with yourself. I want you to learn how to love life. I want you to live everyday like it's the end of the world. I want you to love yourself. I want you to get everything you deserve. I want you to be happy and I want to see you smile. That gorgeous smile you have, I want you to use it. I want to hear you speak, I want to get your responses, I want to talk to you, and I want to help you. I want to hear you speak relentlessly. I want to know how your day went. I want to know everything that made it worthwhile. I want you to dump the idea that suicide is the only way out because it’s not. I want you to see that you are worth it, that you have a bright future ahead of you. I want you to see yourself because you’re darn amazing and you need to see that you’re meant for amazing things in life. I want you to write stories, to write down your feelings, to vent. I want you to spill out your thoughts, because I am here for you. I want you to let me know how you feel. I’ll listen, I promise because I genuinely care. I want you to succeed in life and be great. I want you to wake-up and realise the truth in everything I’m saying to you. I want you to have hope and believe. To believe that tomorrow will be a better day for you, and I want you to wake up tomorrow with a fresh new start. Take a deep breath and make it worthwhile. I want things to get better for you.

I just want to see you genuinely smile, I want you to survive, I want you to live.

When we fail, we might be tempted to think that we have wasted our time and thus regret it. But the fact that you have done something is much better than doing nothing.

Sometimes I don’t know what to think or do because I’m just so lost inside. Whenever you think your life is perfect there’s always going to be a obstacle in the way. Maybe it just a way to tell you that life is never perfect, all you can to do is learn to how to move on.

Start with yourself.

You have to be mentally, emotionally, and physically ready for a relationship before you can jump right in. Learn to be patient; don’t rush into something you’re not ready for. Adopt the right state of mind. Tell yourself “I need to be a better me before I can put effort into being a better us.” Things will only turn out wrong if you start something you aren’t prepared for..

Sometimes it is okay to remind yourself who you are when you get scared with insecurities. It’s okay to say, "hey, I’m amazing and kind and talented."
It’s okay to give yourself the confidence you need to face what you fear.
It’s good to know who you are and be able to stand on your own two feet in that.
Don’t let anyone else make you feel anything other than what you are.
You remind yourself.
Don’t forget who you are.
Keep being that person.
You are loved.