Sometimes... when I think, I feel like I’m missing something.

But then I realise I am actually missing something.

I don’t understand what’s so bizarre about the concept of a girl not wanting to be in a relationship because she’d rather focus on other things. Since when did falling in love, getting married, and having kids become prerequisites for a happy life and a successful future?

To be honest, I was a very dependent person before uni. When I got to uni, I grew to the stage where I become more independent and I've been growing up to be that someone who knows how to do things on her own, and not relying on others. I mean who says I can’t be happy without it? It’s not like I don’t have healthy relationships in other areas of my life. I've got great friends and a family that cares about me.

I mean I believe that some people are meant to be together, get married, and end up having a family.
But even if that wasn't me, I’d be fine with that too.

And I hope that you’re okay. I hope that wherever you are right now underneath this vast sky, you’re doing well and you’re happy. I hope you’re finding reasons to smile, to inhale and exhale, to sleep, to wake up, and to be happy.

I don’t open up that quickly. I’ll probably bore you to death with my constant how are you’s. But I truly want to know how you are doing. “I’m okay” won’t suffice. So stay, and I’ll open myself up to you.

Do you ever miss someone that was once everything to you? Someone you shared everything with. Promised to always love and cherish? Do you ever randomly think about them, like you’re just drinking coffee or out with friends and you read something or someone says something, anything and you’re drawn back to barely breathing and screaming because your body aches from the sheer fact that they’re gone and not coming back? And... You just don’t know how to handle it?

One word replies.

What the fck? When I write you a decent paragraph and when I am actually putting effort into keeping up a good entertaining conversation, I’d expect you do the same. Don’t you dare just "k" or "lol" or "haha" me bitch after I write you something that I want you to actually respond properly to. The moment when you give me a one-worded reply, I will immediately stop talking to you. It just means that you either don’t want to talk to me or you’re just boring as hell and have nothing good to say because you’re an old boring fart. Reply back with a sentence or better, something that I can reply back to. Jeeez.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt because I know I’d want them to do the same for me - but I’m also smart enough to know the difference between being open-minded and being plain naive. You can only believe in someone for so long before you realise they’re not at all what you thought they’d be, no matter how hard you wish otherwise. 
At that point, you just have to move on and forget about it.

You know, I sat there wondering if you missed me when I realised I gave you no reason to.

When it comes to people who have a marked spot in my life, their slightest action and words will be forever noticed by me, whether they know it or not. Yeah, I guess it’s safe to say that I’m an quite observer. I notice everything, but I just don’t say anything.

I worry less about certain things because I realised that it doesn’t matter and it never did. I don’t jump to conclusions because that only brings me down. I try not to think of the what if’s because all that matters is what's here. Right now. I used to come up with stupid reasons/excuses to get mad and I hated it. Now, if I catch myself getting mad about something, I think to myself, is it just in my head? And most of the time, it is, so I let it go.

The past few months have been refreshing. I see a different perspective on things, of people, and of myself. Things are new and different and I like it a lot. Not really sure where this post is going.. But I just hope that if you’re reading this… that you think about how things are in your life and what you can do to change it for the better. Sometimes, all it takes is the smallest change and it makes the BIGGEST difference. I just hope that this can help you think about it and hopefully feel a little more at ease with things. You deserve it.