When you look at someone in their pictures, they always look happier than they are, or rather, than they were on that specific day it was taken.
It’s incredible how a simple smile can deceive how the human mind feels. I mean could you even imagine that if everyone actually was as happy as they looked? Would you even be able to tell their sorrow, their darkest secrets and all the agony that they have/feel?

That’s what I want out of my life. To be as happy as I am in these pictures when people look at them.

I think the best thing about crushes is the simple innocence of it. Just being excited about seeing that person and enjoying the secret.

Somewhere along the inevitable road of life I just gave up and stopped trying. How could it be that my once vibrant life fell into something quite bland? I do not blame the people around me; I quite appreciate the ones that can still deal with me. I blame myself for developing a train of thought that all good things come to an end. Thus conversations become shorter, going out becomes nights in, ultimately creating a barrier around myself because really why should I bother when everyone leaves in the end. 

As the years past by..

You think about the last. You think about all the memories that were created, all the conversations that echo of laughter and fun, all the friends you had made, and all the people you thought that would never leave you. And it’s funny how things can change so un-noticeably, where all the people who were once your day to day life, begin to slip away until they are nothing but a distant stranger. 

Why can’t people just be straight up with me.. It’s so much easier and faster to get through. Lol I’m getting tired of trying to figure out what’s behind those words and shit because sometimes I’m completely wrong and I look stupid as fek in the end.

I was so strong for so long, yet it only took you a matter of minutes to bring me down to a state of weakness. It seems you are what makes me vulnerable. 

But I’m on my way to becoming a stronger person than I was before. I won’t fall for your little games, nor tricks any more. And your sugar tainted words will no longer effect me in such a way because I know better. 

I know that your true intentions differ from that they appear.

Tonight is one of those nights when I realise how lonely I am, how much hope has departed, yet the memories haven't.

The "Falling" Stage.

When you meet someone, they become part of your daily routine. You talk on a daily basis, get to know each other. You start to miss them a little more everyday. Unsure feelings, are you starting to like them? You start developing more feelings for them, you simply just fall hoping they’d catch you too.

What if?

The thing about "what if" is that that’s all it is. A thought, a wish, a dream, a hope, thing that gets you through the day until you can lay in bed and just think, “what if.”

"what if…" anything and everything follows after that. Maybe it’s about your looks, the way you act, how you wish you could be more confident. Maybe it’s about how you wish that everything would just be better and easier.

These what if-s…they give you hope that someday it’ll get better. That everything will just lift the weight off your shoulders. But what if that weight could be lifted by yourself? YOU have the power within yourself to change how everything is. That seems weird coming from someone you don’t even know, and I know that you can’t make someone put down the bottle, leave the person they’re with, whatever it is.

But you can take care of yourself as much as you can. Sometimes we get so caught up in the fullness of our lives that we kinda forget to take care of ourselves. Maybe that means just sitting alone for 15 minutes and breathing. It could maybe perhaps to watch your favorite show and have a good laugh. For me, it’s having a cup of tea, play piano and just stop thinking. Or maybe you can always sleep it off.

For me, I keep hoping that everything will get better in time, I have hope for relationship and people. I have hope. Somewhere down the line, I tell myself to keep hope and that I need to take care of my life, and that if it doesn't work out, then that’s okay.

What if we took care of ourselves for a change?
What if we use some of that energy we spend on wishing for change to heal our own wounds?
What if we loved ourselves more?
What if tonight you find some inner peace that was long gone?

What if....?

It is not a question to be asked.
It’s about having hopes on things that we’re about to give up but we won’t.