Sometimes my own thoughts break my heart.

And then I have to remind myself to lift my chin up and breathe in the world around me; breathe it in so that the hopelessness doesn’t swallow me complete and whole.

It is a game of constant push and pull. My negativity breaks me down, and my inability to accept my fate, keeps me going.

I do wonder sometimes though, if my thoughts would ever bleed and poison into my world.

Breaking point...

Is it bad that I feel the urge to break down and cry about every hour or so? I can just be having a normal conversation and then a person says one word that triggers something in my ever-roaming mind. No, it isn’t hormones... I just have so much in my head, so much going on that I can’t keep up and I’m honestly breaking inside every single day.... I need guidance.... I need closure... I've been too strong for so long... I feel like I'm losing the strength to continue anymore....

I like drinking coffee alone, and reading alone. 
I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone. 
I like eating alone, and listening to music alone. It gives me time to think, and set my mind FREE.
But when I see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with their bestfriend, I realise that eventhough I like being alone, I don’t fancy being lonely. The sky is lovely, but the people are sad. I just need someone who won’t run away.

F A M I L Y♡

FAMILY IS ALWAYS FIRST PRIORITY.
And... sometimes, I tend to forget that. Sometimes, I’m just busily living my social life and putting family second not realising that without family, I’m nothing.
People who take their family for granted and prefer to just worry about friends and their social life. But believe me, family should be your first priority. Because honestly, you can live without friends. You can live without the popularity. But you can not live without the people who put you into this world and who will always love you unconditionally. 

Have you ever met someone?

Have you ever met someone who just puts you in the greatest mood? The person who takes all your worries away and just makes you feel like you’re actually alive? Sounds pretty cliche but you should keep them in your life because they are the type of people you need. They are the keepers.

Time heals all wounds, its true.. or maybe I have just learned to live with or ignore the burning pain it yields. Mind over matter? 

All these people think they know me from what they hear. I hear what you people hear. I sit there and laugh. I could hardly care what goes around, but if you let other people’s judgement cloud over your first impression that has not even occurred and this stops you from getting to know me. Then let it be so. 

I temporarily fall in love with like any guy that's nice to me like the checkout guy at Target told me to “stay dry” this morning because it was raining and I thought about him for like 2 hours after that.

White guys are slick.

So I was at work today and a group of six came in, 4 white guys and 2 white girls. They left after they were done eating. An hour later, one white guy came back and told me his watch was missing. We went to the table he sat in and looked around. We couldn’t find it so I asked for his number just in case we do find it. I wrote down his number and then he goes “I’m gonna be honest with you. I didn’t lose a watch. I didn’t want to say this in front of my friends but you’re really pretty. I just wanted an excuse to come by and ask for your number, but now you have mine so feel free to text me sometime.”